Maybe. Not today.
Suppose she sees it?
Suppose she gets mad?
Suppose it wakes her up?
Suppose it helps me?
Suppose it has the answers I’m looking for?
Suppose God is trying to give me exactly what I need? 
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Your words, pal!
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I know. I know. First thing I thought.
Thanks for twisting the knife 
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Crying is good, and I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. I had a relationship with God and with Nature before I ever knew what a god was. I needed someone to talk to, and I could always feel someone was listening. 
My son’s last detox wasn’t as bad as this recent one. With meds, I took care of him here at home. Guess when that was… the first week of August this year. I had my last drunk day on August 11. I know that his drinking problem brought me to sobriety. My kids have always been my world, and how was I ever going to be there for him, when I couldn’t even be there for myself? I felt like a hypocrite for even thinking I could. But I didn’t quit trying, and look where it’s gotten us.
So I really like your question, “What if it wakes her up?” 
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Thanks for your share. I’ve changed the topic heading. It’s funny after all these years My mind goes right to drugs and booze for addiction. There’s so many fucking addictions out there. I want this to be a safe place for anyone to share about being affected by any addiction. I’m glad you joined in.
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I think for me being a binge addict, I think to myself “who am I to judge?” and find myself brushing my own feelings about it all under the rug. I don’t want for my boyfriend to ever feel like I love him with conditions or anything, because I do not. He is incredibly good to me, and he has been a godsend as far as relationships go. I just wish he didn’t drink like he did because I really worry about his health more than anything. And I just wish he could really see and experience life through truly sober eyes. You aren’t truly seeing through sober eyes if you are only taking a day or two away from drinking because that addiction still has its grasp on you and you continuously are thinking about when you can get that next drink… so it still keeps your mind distracted and as a result you are not fully present in the moment. At least that was my experience when mine was really bad. And I see it in his eyes too the day or two he might take a break here and there. But he had been an everyday drinker for almost 20 years.
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Suppose…
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Thinking about this makes me sad. Wherever I watch, people are glued to their screens. You don’t know a certain popular meme? People wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. You don’t game? If I weren’t very open to people about my addiction, they’d be asking me what the fuck is wrong with me. I have friends who take selfies mid-conversation to quickly send them on Snapchat. All I see is people dependent on technology. It scares. I fear the future. What’s to come of my generation if all they give a fuck about is keeping their snap streaks going or if their win rate is high enough. All people who were held back this year at my school have an unhealthy relationship with technology and in all cases, technology abuse is the cause of being held back. There are 6-year olds just casually saying “what the fuck”. I see 6-year olds walking around with an iPhone 12 that’s way too big for their pockets and hands. Children nowadays need stimuli constantly as they don’t know different. I don’t think many of them ever really feel peace. And I see people here on TS who are on here so much it seems like an addiction. I fear they might be replacing addictions.
And then there’s my brother. PMO-, nicotine-, screen and food addict. He’s not aware though. He is killing himself with his lifestyle. But he’s got so many mental illnesses, you can only blame him a little. Sometimes I sit on the couch, studying for school, and he’ll just turn on the TV right in front of me, knowing I want to quit watching TV. Numerous times I relapsed because of my inability to walk away. He doesn’t care, he just needs his dopamine. I have little hope for the future… but hey, at least I’m trying to get a healthy relationship with technology. That’s more than 0 people.
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Thank you for starting this thread Eric the fine line (I’m sure it’s a very thick line to the outside observer) is hard to tread, where you’re not sure if you’re enabling or not, or you know your help is pointless but you can’t handle the personal guilt you’ll feel if the addict in your life suffers and you could have “helped”. Ugh. So much to say on this topic but I’m sorry you’re struggling. I know how easy it is for people on the outside to give tough love in this area or feel a certain way because “you should know better”… but it’s complicated caring for an addict. Inevitably I do feel it’s the addicts responsibility to create a better outcome by making better decisions.
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After last week she said that you had valid feelings about her drinking. You could ask her how you could help her not have a repeat of last weekend. Tell her you’re concerned that she might fall and hurt herself. If liquor escalates the problem, maybe a talk about how she should just stick to wine. In other words keep the conversation open and let her know your feelings. Being nice, concerned. In a way that she won’t just lash out. Y’all are not in the drinking thing together anymore. That’s a good thing on your part. Not so good on her part, because now she is the drinker alone and without you. It may be that she may need counseling and that’s something that you can deal with when you get back home. For now just concentrate on the time that you’re going to be gone. Tell her you love her and that you will help her anyway that you can to keep her drinking to a point where she’s not stumbling around or embarrassing herself.
Drinking has affected my life very very very much. Not me drinking. I quit when I was 27. I have never regretted it.
I am not as well versed on this as many.
I will say prayers.
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Ask her if she wants to be stumbling around out of the restaurant. Ask her if she wants to be passing out on the couch at your sons house.
A number of years ago I used to go to an outdoor music combined dinner event. A friend of mine has a hard time walking even though she’s able to walk and her husband would always go get her a drink and bring it back to her. More than once she was unable to walk afterwards and they made a decision that for each drink she wanted she had to get up and go get it herself. Because sitting there having them brought to her she lost her ability to know if she was able to walk or not. I know it’s different than what you’re doing.
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You seem really bothered by her behavior. Maybe getting mad and expressing your feelings would be good for both of you.
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I’ve have expressed my feelings. And my feelings have been validated.
Getting mad at someone with a disease is not something I want to do. And I feel it would not accomplish anything. I’ve talked to addicts and alcoholics before, getting mad just makes things unmanageable for me.
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Glad you check in Jan.
It’s nice to let off some steam.
Glad to see working on your healthy relationship with technology. It’s really all we can work on is “ourselves.” That is the point of this topic. Most of us if not all of us are affected by some kind of addiction by loved ones. I’m glad your here.
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My sister has been addicted to meth and other drugs for the past several years. She has been through rehab twice, but it hasn’t stopped her from relapse. My heart breaks for my baby sister… I wish I could help her, but it’s gotten to the point where I can’t let her in my house. It breaks my heart, but I’ve got to watch out for my family.
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Thanks for weighing in @Alisa
I always appreciate your love and caring advice.
What I’ve learn from all my loved ones with addiction and there are too many to list, is that you can’t control it.
Drinking, and in the early days doing drugs, has been a huge part of our life together. And somehow we always managed to function. Sometimes barely. There’s already been countless embarrassing moments and yes even injuries. And we’ve stuck together through think and thin. Better or worse.
As far as asking her about things like stumbling around a restaurant or passing out in front of friends house? I don’t think any addict wants to do that.
I feel having a conversation about this part or that part of drinking and what I will do or not do is me trying to control it. When I was drinking. I could not be controlled. And I certainly didn’t want to talk about it the day after. Or even 2 or 3 days later.
I find it best to practice the
The 3 C’s
I didn’t cause it
I can’t cure it
I can’t control it
That’s the reality of addiction.
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We just found out one of cousins passed away just this afternoon. We believe it was an OD. My brother (F) sent a message to our family group and asked if anyone knew about it and our Mom confirmed 
. Then she proceeds to say that this will set my brother (B) off. Meaning he’ll probably go MIA on a bender. My brother (F) replied Well when needs to keep his crap together, yeah it sucks and gonna be hard but he has to remember his kids. This affects me just as much. And of course my Mom says nothing. It’s so frustrating that she defends him all the time. My Brother (B) was here the other day and was high out of his mind eyes barely open, nodding in and out. I tell my Mom and she once again defends him well he seen his lawyer about his divorce so he was hurting and that there was no way he was high because he had not been anywhere but his lawyers. Well I was taking a pic of one of the babies and you could see how high he was. Then he took off with the car and she defended him about that too. I don’t even say anything anymore when she talking about him because she doesn’t listen to what I say. Everything is always about poor Bus it’s so infuriating. I don’t know what to anymore. He needs help. She needs to stop enabling him. My heart is breaking and I want to scream!
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I’m so sorry your sister is going through this. You are doing absolutely the right thing not letting your sister in your house while she is using.
I had to do the same with my daughter when she was using heroin. As long as she was using she was not allowed in my house. It’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I can only control 2 things. My finances and my house rules. Nothing else. I could not control my daughters addiction. It really sucked. She cleaned up a few times and we let her back home. But out she went again. We supported her 100% when she wasn’t using. Finally, some how, by the grace of God, we got her into a rehab. After 2 rehabs, and a refresher after a short relapse, and doing sober living, she is free from the bonds of addiction. It wasn’t easy on me but I just somehow was able to turn it over to God. Addiction is just too big for me to handle.
I’ll pray for you and your sister.
Al-Anon meetings helped me tremendously. It took me awhile to find the rooms with parents of children with addiction but I kept looking. And I found exactly what I needed in those rooms. A bit of serenity and knowing I wasn’t alone.
It really pisses me off. Even now. All the shit the addict puts me through and I’m the one who needs a meeting. Fuuuuuck!! Best decision I ever made. My life was unmanageable because of my daughters addiction. I had to take care of myself. For my wife. For my son. My work. Etc……
Keep checking in. I hope you can find something on this thread helpful. Or at least know your not alone. And at least be able to share here.
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I’m so sorry Patty. That’s all so awful.
It does sound very frustrating. I remember the denial being very strong with me early on in my kids addiction. I just didn’t want to believe it. It’s too bad you can’t have a conversation about it with your Mom. I guess some parents just don’t want to believe it for one reason or another. Good coping mechanism maybe. I’m glad you already got tools to deal with this kind of stuff. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating or easier though. I would make my sure my boundaries are set if i were in your shoes. Even if it has to do with mom. You and your wonderful recovery don’t need this shit.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your cousin.
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I am 108 days sober. My wife still drinks every day. This is my 3rd time getting sober. My wife also got sober 2 or 3 times during our 43 years of marriage. Our drinking affected everything for so long. Our kids were raised during it. I was the happy life of the party type. My wife was the scary annoying self pity type. Now that we are “seniors” and I decided to quit I am realizing how little we have in common. Maybe it is the disease, I don’t know. She is doing less of everything else and more drinking and complaining that I have ever been aware of. She has some serious health problems from drinking and smoking for so many years. I have gotten myself healthier, going to the gym, eating right, and changed my viewpoint on life, mainly from reading all the threads on TS. I feel better than I have in a long time and realize that maybe I drank, in part because it was easier to be with her? Is that even possible or am I looking for an excuse? It does not matter now. All I know is it is getting harder to be around her. I like @Dazercat mention to pray for her, put it in God’s hands, don’t carry the burden, let go of the resentment". I will try to do that. Thanks for all the help TS really helps me. Just got a promotion and will be traveling 2-3 days a week. Thankful I will be able to get away, but scared no one will be here to keep an eye on her…no one except God.
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