Hey Nikki, I see you opened up a new post and getting info, good idea. There’s so many knowledgeable people here to help. Posting on the Checking in Daily thread is a good place as well. It has a lot of activity. 
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Sorry, I’m still navigating this app and finding the right way to explain myself. It’s a constant struggle haha. I just completed my second day. I have done this before and had an easier time doing it, but here lately my body has started to become chemically dependent on alcohol. I know this from watching my dad suffer and having to help him (I feel guilt starting to go down a path that made my childhood so dark) I am also no longer the “fun drunk” I am incredibly depressed. I am checking in to a mental health facility here, just waiting for a bed. I have needed an overhaul on myental health for a long time.
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Ask away on the questions. It helps me figure out where to start, if that makes sense. I’m sort of overwhelmed with the app, but you wonderful people reaching out has helped quite a bit. Thank you so much for acknowledging me and helping me. You are all so kind.
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Thank you.
And no need to apologize.
This thread is for anyone. I’m glad you posted on here.
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Well this morning didn’t go as planned. @Alisa
Usually she is mortified about what she did the night before. But she doesn’t remember. I asked her when she wanted to chat about last night? NEVER! 
. She went on full attack mode on me this morning about being righteous and judgmental. So I’ll let this all sink in. Didn’t expect that.
Welcome @NikkiK
I’m glad you found us. Whatever your problem. Your not alone. You got questions about the app. Just ask. The lights are always on.
@Tragicfarinelli thank for your words. I appreciate that. Yes our stories are different but we share what we can. Your share was is well received.
Thank you @TrustyBird
It’s not a secret. But I don’t call my kids all the time and tell them how bad she is. Like I mentioned. They tried to do an intervention last year. No luck. I’m trying to encourage myself to tell them more because I feel I have a responsibility to them for that. And maybe it would help. I don’t know.
Thanks Maxie my dear friend. @maxwell im so glad your here. I know you can relate.
@Mindymoo
And Mindy my dear, thank you for finding us here and being a huge spark 
of support with your experiences.
And thank you all for the love.
I’ll figure this out somehow.
And I’ll figure it out sober.
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We jump in, thats how we talk. Im so sorry for your loss. Thats a hard one! Especially under those circumstances. My heart goes out to you
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Thank you so much
I’m so sorry about your awful dinner out, and in a new town!
The best suggestion I have, so you aren’t eating cereal every night, is simply to go enjoy dinner alone.
As you know my husband is drunk from 1230 until 8pm when I scoot him off to bed. I have to work hard on being ok with going alone because after all, im married aren’t I? But honestly its much more pleasant for me. Im not embarrassed by his behavior and I get to enjoy my meal or whatever activity im doing.
Thats the best idea I have. I would not suggest stopping doing what you enjoy to cover for or take care of her and her actions though.
Just my 2 cents.
I hope today goes better for you after your rough morning. Sending you a virtual hug 
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Good on you Shaunda. You gotta take care of you too. Sending strength.
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Hi Eric,
I wrote a long time ago about how my moms drinking affects me on this thread, she’s in her 70s, and about how it affects my dad. For a long time my dad hid the episodes from me until he couldn’t handle it anymore. We live 3 hours away so I am not there to see what is going on. I can honestly say that once I told him to stop hiding it from me it helped him a lot. This is not your secret to keep, it’s not your responsibility to your wife, and most likely once you open up to your kids they will be able to support you, if only mentally. They want to help you and their mom and maybe also can talk to her in a way that you cannot. Let them in I’m sorry you’re going through this.
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By opening up to you your dad validated that help was needed. My parent, literally, just endorses her shitty behaviours by stonewalling it. It’s infuriating and makes me feel unsure and in the wrong. Only once did we get a comment of ‘it’s all you bitches who cause trouble’ during a drunken arguement. Everyone was drunk, because you know, drunks drink.
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Hi Eric. I’m sorry this happened. If you have to watch where you go and potentially can’t go out to nice restaurants anymore, as you’ve always done, isn’t that life becoming, in that one way, unmanageable? Just the part of life that is this routine? I’m just thinking.
I also agree with everyone on here that it’s not your secret to keep and that you deserve to let go of that burden. I think everyone who’s ever been in a dysfunctional relationship would tell you that.
I think boundaries are in order. You’ll be good at that. It gives you some power back. I’ll do this, if this. If this, such will be my reaction. It gives some structure when fixed barriers just get swept away and things start sliding.
My impression is that in Al-Anon you learn to detach. Which brings relief, I understand that. But in reality, you guys are attached. You are going to be affected by her drinking emotionally, practically, financially, in every way in which married couples are linked together. So I think the boundaries and the owning up to the disappointment, allowing yourself your feelings, are good things.
Have you talked about what will happen if your wife causes scenes on your trip? Maybe you can come up with some ideas to minimise the chances for bad surprises.
Sending you a hug. You’re a strong guy for all this.
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@Dazercat I think @Ewa has put this eloquently. Together with your children you will be stronger. It’s a lot for you all to do it on your own
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Things definitely are unmanageable in the going out to eat lifestyle. I could actually use a break from that. I really would love to just stay home for dinner. It’s always been a joke. When it’s my turn to decide dinner I cook. When it’s her turn to decide dinner she picks a restaurant.
I’m what do you want?
And she’s where do you want?
Yes after 40 + years we are very attached. Unfortunately I’m more sensitive and forgiving and afraid of conflict. And I can accept that. For the longest time now we almost never do anything alone. I don’t know how to do that. In my 62 years I’ve never lived alone. Not once. To me that is very frightening. I don’t have hope she will ever stop drinking. I have plenty of faith we will work it out somehow. And it’s time to put on my big boy pants and do something. Or continue to do something about me. I’m not sure what. But I got my, our friend advisor guy I’m talking to at 8:30. Then I might call my daughter. I feel and agree I do need more support. 40 years is almost more than a life time for many people. I’ve opened up about our life a lot on this thread and what we’ve been through. We make a great team when we have to. Especially when it’s our kids or parents and family. I do have hope we can make a great team for ourselves.
I always appreciate your words of wisdom.
Thank you.
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This message gives me hope. Probably because you have hope. So I have hope for you guys too. <3
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Alcoholism killed my grandad and my uncle. My dad drinks but seems to have it under control for now. My husband definitely drinks too much but wouldn’t consider stopping, although he does cut back every now and then and keep to weekends. It all affected me but mainly in encouraging me to drink too much for 24 years (I’m 38). I’m in very early sobriety now and I’m sure it will affect me in different ways moving forward.
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Yep. I believe that. But let’s face it. It’s going to be like poking a hornets nest. I realize I need more support. And my children are so smart. It’s time I start using them. I’m going to pray and let my heart and God guide me.
Thank you.
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I’m sorry for your loss… I hope you find some support and encouragement for your sobriety here.
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Hi Eric,
I agree with everyone who wants you to open up to your kids, you do need the support, maybe it could help your wife, and who loves you both more than your kids.
But, I also see the hesitation, they are your kids, no matter their age, you want to protect them. My son lived my 1st husband’s alcoholism, but I shared very little about the hell I went through with my ex. To this day, he doesn’t know half of it. I suffered in silence.
The difference here is this is their mother, they would want to help you and her. But there’s that fine line of not wanting to Mom bash. I’m sending my faith and hugs to the desert, you will figure this out and do the right thing, you should not suffer alone. 
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I did it.
I had a nice tearful chat with C. And then I called my daughter. It was good. Real good. I left it up to her if she wants to tell my son. The baby is only 6 days old. She can have a sisterly brotherly chat text with him. But it was a good first step. Thank you for your love and support.
We will see what the day brings. Whether or not I tell her I talked to family and friend about this is for me to decide when I decide.
But I don’t have a poker face. I generally have a big tell like the cat who ate the canary. She’ll probably know something is up.
I think it’s a good first step. Me getting more support from family for me. I need to be available for my family. They need a healthy mentally stable father. And that’s what I intend to do.
Thanks again.
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