This was me last Tuesday night. Tears and all. The relief was amazing. I’m almost making it through the week and cannot wait to see my peeps on Tuesday night.
I love the Al-Anon welcome. It’s so true.
We who live, or have lived, with the problem of alcoholism, understand as perhaps few other can. We, too, were lonely and frustrated, but in Alanon/Alateen we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
I’m so sorry Jo. It’s so hard watching this happen to family members and people you love. Sounds exactly like my brother-in-law. It’s so sad. My BIL had esophageal cancer and all the other horrors of drinking and smoking. He wouldn’t stop. He wasn’t even 50 yet. But his heart for some reason was pretty much OK. He had such a big heart. He’d give you the shirt off his back in the winter. I’d try and visit him every other day if I was up to it. I had to have my boundaries. I would stop at his favorite restaurants and get him his favorite foods. Of course he wouldn’t eat them. The best times I had with him then was just bringing over myself. And sitting and watching his favorite shows. My wife’s whole family died of alcoholism and cancers from smoking and drinking all their lives.
All I seem to be able to say is, It’s so hard. And I just felt so hopeless that I couldn’t do anything. I hope in all this you can still find some time for yourself. You still deserve to take care of you.
My parents have drank my whole life. They let me start tasting at age 16, which is when I started to develop my love for alcohol. And then I started to steal their liquor and ask my friends for some and I couldn’t control it! I was out of control! Ive been sober for almost a year now but my parents still drink. They don’t seem to think they have a problem, but they do. They drink and get drunk every night. It gets worse when they have parties or go on cruises. On cruises they drink all day during sea days and don’t stop until two in the morning. I have tried talking to them about it but they don’t seem to listen to me because I’m “just a kid.” I’m almost 20 and I’ve been around the block a time or two.
Hey Mindy, @Mindymoo
I was going to PM this to ya but I didn’t want to be pushy and I also thought there might be others that could be interested in this. I’ve been doing a lot of Al-Anon work lately because my life IS being affected by an alcoholic. My story is of course different. Anyway. This was my reading this morning. And I could not stop thinking about you. I know your story is different. But. Take what you like. Leave the rest.
Ugh fuck.
I been struggling all day.
I’m having a big time relapse letting my wife’s drinking get to me. All my Al-Anon tools and it’s still getting me down and depressed and stressed out at all the little things I have to do. I always want to come on here and write about it. But I always, first and foremost do my Home Group Thread. The gratitude thread first. And I guess the gratitude exercises work because I’m not as upset and now I don’t know what to post. I’ll take that as a small win.
I just have so many blessings in life and God keeps continuing to bless me with more than I deserve. A beautiful grand baby. Another one on the way. This app. My big trip to France. My pets. My home. By outside appearances you might think, boy this guys got it great!! And I do. I really do and I’m so grateful. But there’s one thing I also have. I got a fucking lush for a wife . It fucking sucks. My one love of my life. Soul mate. My wife. Until death do us part. I mean it’s been 39 years what the fuck It’s our life. It’s a fucking disease. It fucking blows! I got the tools. I’m going to meetings. I’ve started the 4th step. I haven’t written anything down yet. But my work books came. I got 2 of them. And I’m looking forward to getting into the fearless moral inventory shit. I know I can do this. I also know it works.
If I. And only I work it.
I guess this just goes to show me I need those meetings. I’m not going to any face to face meetings until I get back from France. I can’t risk getting COVID now. No one wears a mask around here but me and the wife. Fuck em. I’m wearing a mask if it makes me feel more comfortable. But the practical side tells me to isolate for the next ten 11 days so no meetings now.
Maybe writing it out here will help. I know the gratitude work sure as hell helps. Which is funny. The gratitude helps me tons when it’s for me and my sobriety. Makes me feel good. Gives me strength. But gratitude doesn’t seem to specifically work as well for me to help my Al-Anon ism relapse tendencies. . But I do know what else helps. And that’s some guided meditations.
I know I’m not alone.
I’m normal. Of course this hurts.
I’m a very sensitive person. I kinda wish I wasn’t. But somehow I got to embrace that fact. Find a way to use it for good instead of getting my feelings hurt.
I’ll pass……
I’m so sorry that you are hurting. You are right, it does suck, sometimes more than others. You can’t be strong all the time, you’re a human. I hope writing it down and getting it out brought you some relief.
Thanks Sunflower.
And y’all up above there.
I’m actually doing better. Currently.
With all that’s going on.
I finally got to my gratitude list.
Shared it with a friend by text.
Came here and wrote it out.
Soak in the hot tub.
A little Amazon therapy
And I hope it will continue to get better.
Looks like the 2 day bender is turning into 3. But like I said. I think I’m doing better. Again. I guess that’s why I need my meetings.
Thank you all for reading up above. It means a lot. @Cjp@ShesGotMoxie@Faugxh@Lisa07@Alisa
I had to do a double take on that one. I thought to myself, “Is that something I wrote?” for a brief moment. So much of that speaks to what I have been experiencing emotionally. I love my boyfriend so much. He is a great man with a wonderful heart. But I at times worry that we are on different paths, and I don’t know where that is going to land us in the future. I broke up with alcohol and he has not. He did tell me that he took a couple days off a few weeks ago and that he recognized he needed to scale back and then stop sooner rather than later. However, it has such a strong hold on him that it seems like any attempts he makes to quit are quickly squashed by the disease of addiction. I hate to hear that you are still experiencing the issues with your wife’s drinking as well. It is a hard place to be in when you love somebody so fiercely, but feel as if the relationship gets crowded with the alcohol being an easy and frequent distraction. I have had to learn recently that the only person’s actions I can control are my own, and I just continue to love my life in the best way possible in hope to inspire others to be the best versions of themselves.
I continue learning this every day.
Thanks for your support.
She’s actually been trying to moderate the past couple of weeks. Well, we know how that goes. I try to be supportive in that. It is a disease. I’m not her caretaker or anything but it is still hard living with it day in and day out. I guess we all have our good days and bad days. Venting here sure helps.
I’m sorry your struggling with a loved one that drinks too much too. It seems like everyone’s life has been affected one way or another by addiction. It’s brutal.
God bless.
Not a good night tonight.
Pretty fucken awful to tell ya the truth.
Pretty bad scene in a really nice restaurant.
I guess I need to start coming up with some boundaries. Our lifestyle has always been going out to eat. I guess I could make a boundary like:
I am not going out to dinner if you’re going to drink.
I don’t know about lunch yet.
I have to keep in mind I cannot control someone’s drinking.
And I’m not cooking dinner every night either. Fuck that. I’ll make sure we got cereal and milk in the house. I’m gaining weight at all these nice restaurants anyway.
If often wonder what my responsibilities are to my children? They aren’t dummies. They know more about addiction than I do. Shit they schooled me. Mostly the hard way. And they did try an intervention last year. I guess I don’t want to be the guy that says. She’s always been like that. She’s their mother. They should know. I’m sure they know.
They don’t know about some of the scenes in some of the restaurants. I’ve always said she’s a harmless drunk. She drinks and falls asleep on the couch almost every night. To me it seems natural after all these years. Shit if I didn’t stop drinking 2 and a half years ago I’d be doing it too. This blows. Fucking sucks.
I guess I could try saying next time there’s a big scene in a restaurant I’m telling the children. But that seems more like an ultimatum. But something along that idea. And I’d have to be willing to go through with it. Which right now I am.
I will continue to go to Al-Anon. When we get back from France. I’m not going now to any face to face meetings. I cannot get COVID. Not now.
And we have a friend, personal advisor, like a lawyer that’s a close family fiend. Actually it’s her friend. Or was her friend first. I’ve already texted him to see if we can talk tomorrow. Don’t know if I’ll tell her about that. He is familiar, and has been by our side for all her family’s history, and addiction and I think all the deaths in her family. All addiction related. Except for the dad who had Alzheimer’s.
Anyway. Just getting thoughts out here. My next step is drawing up some boundaries. Never done that before with the wife. But I do think it’s time.
Serenity fucking now man.
I’m happy I’m sober. I think I’m handling it well. I’m not going crazy or trying to argue with a drunk or fighting or going insane. Just taking it a day at a time.
If addiction is a disease. And I believe it is. And she’s getting worse…… I’d tell the kids if it was cancer or MS or diabetes. But this we got to keep secret. Right? Noooo!! We don’t have to. But it would certainly cause some chaos in my family. Like I need more of that. Fuck this shit!
And #fuckaddiction.
I’m sorry this is happening. It’s been happening.
The restaurant stuff is not good. You know that. And tomorrow I would think that she would maybe possibly hopefully think that it wasn’t good.
That’s two restaurants in your new town.
This should be one of the happiest times In your life for the two of you. It’s marred by alcohol.
I’m glad you’re going to meet your friend tomorrow. That sounds like a good plan.
I hope that there’s going to be a change some where some how. I so hope that there will be a change.
Big hugs sending strength and good thoughts to you.
I’m grateful that you’re committed to your sobriety.
I am very much affected by loved ones struggling with addiction. My beautiful dad just lost his battle with alcohol a little over a year ago with what would be his final binge, 7/11/2021, and I have been on an unhealthy downward spiral since. It was horrifying what I went through as a child seeing him suffer, having seizures, full blown DTs, making sure he’s breathing and all this started about age 9. He had always drank, but that’s when the alcohol really started to take my dad. I have been responsible in the past for having him put in jail to save his life and other’s when he would drive completely out of his mind which was incredibly hard and now fast forward to this and my own downward spiral.
I can’t even begin to explain the levels of guilt and devastation, but now I’m here and hoping for help from all of you.
I’m sorry I jumped on here and started talking about my own shit I still don’t understand how this works exactly. I didn’t even see your post in here until I verbal diarrhea’d in this thread. I wasnt intentionally ignoring what you wrote.
With that being said, I am so so sorry you’re going through this. It has to be so incredibly hard on your sobriety dealing with this. It honestly isn’t fair. You are being incredibly strong and an inspiration. I hope your wife can find the help she needs to not wind up like her family I also hope she doesn’t drag you down. It seems like you keep your sobriety as number one right now, as you should. Hopefully she can get onboard and stop sabotaging things. I feel for you and your family. Keep strong. “Keep fighting the good fight” as my dad would say
Hey Eric, I’m sorry you’re going through this, it must be so hard. From the little I’ve talked about my 1st husband, there’s a lot of similarities. I was the normie way back then. I understand not going to in person Al Anon meetings now, I’m in a high area too as most of the states are currently. I’m glad you have someone to talk to tomorrow, especially if he’s familiar. I hope venting here helps a little, just so you know, you are heard and we care.
Hi Nikki and welcome. Have you just quit drinking a day or 2 ago? It’s very hard at the beginning on your own, this is a good place to be. There so much advice and a lot to read. You said you’re dealing with guilt, are you able to talk to a counselor? Sorry for all the questions, trying to make sure I understand.
This feels like a secrets keep Dazercat sick situation. Do you need to keep this secret to protect her? What happens if you continue to? What if you don’t?
I don’t know the answers to these questions I’m just talking it out.
I don’t know the answer but I’m thinking of you and sending strength.
Mindy,
. It fucking sucks. My one love of my life. Soul mate. My wife. Until death do us part. I mean it’s been 39 years what the fuck 
. But I do know what else helps. And that’s some guided meditations.
and addiction and I think all the deaths in her family. All addiction related. Except for the dad who had Alzheimer’s.
I still don’t understand how this works exactly. I didn’t even see your post in here until I verbal diarrhea’d in this thread. I wasnt intentionally ignoring what you wrote.
I also hope she doesn’t drag you down. It seems like you keep your sobriety as number one right now, as you should. Hopefully she can get onboard and stop sabotaging things. I feel for you and your family. Keep strong. “Keep fighting the good fight” as my dad would say 
