I’m sorry to say that it is nice to see some other people on here. I know I’m not alone. But I’ve been carrying a big load of shares on here lately and it is nice to know I’m not alone too.
I get it @Shaunda if she would just shut up and pass out already . I hate feeling like that. And like you guys we really are great together.
I did have a wonderful 5 days. She’s calling it 6. But that’s ok. It’s over now so it doesn’t really matter. Of course I knew she wasn’t going to stop drinking for a European vacation.
I don’t know. I want to talk more about resentment. I thought I was doing so much with resentment. But 5 days living life without resentment was great! I’ve never had that before. I don’t think it’s possible to be resentment free when my qualifier is drinking. I don’t care how many meetings I go too. It. Fucking. Hurts. Before my sobriety we were both drunk all the time. Since my sobriety she’s drank all but those 5 days. Every fucken day. As soon as she had that first glass of wine Wednesday afternoon my heart sank and my attitude changed and I couldn’t help it. I’m back where I was. I don’t want to look at her I don’t want to be pleasant to her. I don’t want anything to do with her. I actually thought I was doing so good. For some reason it really hurt this time. I’m finding it hard not to take it personally. I know it’s not personal. It’s addiction. It still sucks and hurts me.
But I guess 5 days was something. It gave me hope. She never ever gets hangovers. But she said she didn’t like the way she felt this morning after her 6 + glasses of wine. Not a hangover mind you. Just felt better the other mornings she didn’t drink. She liked that. So I. We. got that glimmer of hope going for us.
I’ve always heard we can’t let our alcoholic affect our life whether they’re drinking or not. Or some shit like that. I feel like I’ve never had the “not,”. And I got a taste of it finally. Maybe I’ll get it again. Not today.
Maybe missing my meetings didn’t help me. When we get back I’ll get back to in person meetings again.
I’m also @Shaunda trying to find a good time to tell her how it’s affecting me. That’s hard too. Nothing like talking to an addict. Her drinking terrifies me. She falls. She gets hurt. She stumbles. I mentioned all the times she’s hurt herself recently and it wasn’t received very well.
Oh well.
I said my piece.
Just want to join in because currently I feel alone. Very alone. And fucking sad.
We all need eachother… we are literally feeling the same helpless feelings. I can definitely relate to the just pass out already and not even being able to tolerate them when drunk. The Rollercoaster yall. It’s ALOT. And I swear. His drinking has gotten worse since I’ve been sober. Or is it just because I’m sober. @Dazercat I am so glad you got that 5 days of peace. It sounds like it was a long time coming. But the let down hurts and becomes hard to handle the more it happens. I think because personally I feel like it was something I did wrong. That maybe I could have helped him through…I know… that’s not how it works. But it’s hard not to take all of this PERSONAL. And how clueless he can be and too blinded to see how it literally effects everyone around. Lawd peeps. I need to get to bed. But you all are the best. Let’s support eachother. I can’t tell my friends and family. A few people know a little bit. It’s just a lonely situation. Xoxo
Ya it’s very lonely.
Have you been to Al-Anon?
I don’t know how far back you’ve read. But I always said. When my life became unmanageable I was going back to Al-Anon. She made a very embarrassing scene in a restaurant and they wanted to call the cops on her. I left her inside alone until she finally came out. It was hard to do. I didn’t want any part of it. So that’s when my life became unmanageable. I actually found a meeting the next night. The relief I felt immediately was so warm and loving and accepting. Then I went again to a different one the next night. And I found yet another in Flagstaff. Small group of about 5 or six ladies and this big grown old man shows up crying with relief and sadness. That was me. It felt so good. I feel like I got a home group. I been fighting going to Al-Anon for 2 and a half years. I know all the tools I learned when my children were addicts. The only thing I didn’t have was my ass in a seat. It also put the onus back on her a bit. No she didn’t like that. But she’s getting use to it. And it’s going to be my time for me.
And it’s definitely nothing we did wrong. But it easy to think as we’re walking on egg shells. Maybe if I ………. Or should I………. Ya it’s definitely not us.
Sorry you having this problem.
Thanks for sharing.
Oh shit! That’s a big fucking let down, Eric. I had such hope it would last much longer. We got to keep that hope alive though and just maybe she’ll give you more drink free days when you return from vacation.
And another thing. We have to work on ourselves for our sobriety. And we have to work on ourselves because someone else is a drunk. Sometimes I think it’s bullshit!! But I’ve never not felt better coming home from a meeting.
Nah she’s an addict. Just like all her family. And they all died a long time ago.
But I do believe there is hope.
I have faith.
But it’s gonna take time. I do feel things are different this time. But she will stumble. And she’ll get back up.
And I’m not going out to dinner with us if she’s been day drinking. I really got to stick to that boundary. I cannot go through a third episode. Good thing there are los of restaurants in Scottsdale. Because there are 2 we can’t go back too anymore And one of them was our fave
Its just difficult! I hate having this resentment with a man I love so much.
I did speak with him some tonight, mainly about his working to exhaustion and since he gets off work at 11:30 am he drinks from then til 8pm. All he wants to do is sit on the couch and watch Netflix and drink. I told him his 2 older daughters are worried, his grandson is excited to go fishing with him but since he spends his days off drunk from 230 am u til bedtime that won’t happen. I pointed out how he is missing g the end years of his parents as they are in there 80’s. We all miss him and want him to change his hours at work thus giving him more energy and less desire and need to stay drunk.
Now we all know there will be more talk about drinking later, but for now, this was the ice breaker. It went well. I did not want to push the drinking card to much and come off as " i got sober so you have too also." But his daughter did come to me today and her and her older sister are worried about him. So I addressed what I could with him and encouraged them to address him themselves. Especially rhe youngest daughter, they are closely bonded.
I know better than to have an expectation than anything will change. But I do have hope that he will at least try to get his hours changed thus shortening his drinking hours at home. The amount of hard liquor he drinks daily is really worrying me for his physical health.
My heart goes out to everyone also dealing with this. Its not easy and while I’m sorry you also are dealing with this, I do feel not so alone with you in this boat with me.
Eric. Please try your best to not focus too much right now in this. It’s drowning you and you are on holiday. She’s going to drink if she wants to whether you care or not. I’m not being dismissive, quite the opposite (my heart aches for you), but I want you to get some nourishment from your trip. Get up sober at 5am and go walk the Seine, buy some street art from Montmartre… Eat two puddings.
You cannot let this overshadow your experience. You do you, she’s doing her. Regroup when back home and live fully every day. Help her if she stumbles… But it’s not your fault Hun.
Thank you TF. You are absolutely correct
I think I got my feelings out. And now it’s time for fun. Always appreciate your support.
Danka.
Just landed in Frankfurt.
I have become increasingly bothered by my partner’s drinking to the point that I am feeling less attracted to him, which I feel very guilty about. I love being around him so much when he’s sober, but I don’t think that he really recognizes how different he acts when he is drinking. Depending on the type of drink, it can go a few different ways. He’s mostly a beer drinker, and when he gets longer into the night he can get very “lovey” which doesn’t feel genuine because of the drinks being in him, or he will start talking about things that he thinks he is being really deep about when he is in fact not because his thoughts aren’t fully connecting, or he thinks he is being funny when he is really just being drunk. Then if it’s hard liquor, he gets short tempered and can be a bit of a jackass. He went to a funeral with me a few days ago for somebody he didn’t know, and he snuck some baileys into his coffee. He came to my office to help me build furniture this week then ordered two beers when I took him to lunch with my brother. Then continued drinking from there when he got home shortly after. Then yesterday, he texted me around lunchtime while he was out on his motorcycle and he was out getting drinks again. Which is when his drinking started for the day and went into the late night. A friend of ours who is also a military veteran had an anniversary date of one of his buddies passing away, and my partner said he needed him. So he went over to his house early in the afternoon after he had his lunch drinks and started drinking with the friend and a bunch of other people. All I was thinking was, “Yeah he may need people around and support but I know that is also just another opportunity for you to drink and feel justified because you won’t be drinking alone.” They ended up hanging out until the wee hours of the night. So I guess he was basically drinking for 12 hours straight yesterday. We have a date this evening, which I am looking forward to. We need a night of just us. It is at a wine down bar though, so what I am not looking forward to is watching him drink. He knows I am not going to and that I haven’t drank in over 10 months. I wish he could make it through an evening with me sober. That’s what I really want. I want to experience the present together. I am just feeling very conflicted lately on what to do. We don’t live together, nor will we ever because I refuse for my kids to have a live-in alcoholic. It would probably take a year of him being sober for me to comfortably feel like that could be an option, because I would need to know that my home is going to remain an alcohol free zone. We stay the night together occasionally when kids are away mostly, and seldom when they are home. I guess part of the reason being because I don’t enjoy sleeping in the bed with him when he has that alcohol smell seeping out of his pores. It makes it very difficult for me to sleep because it just gets me nauseated. I also don’t enjoy having sex with him at all when he is drunk, so I try to avoid it if he starts getting lovey dovey when he’s in that state. I feel like I have so much going on in my life right now that has gotten so much better since I’ve been sober, and I feel like there is this heavy weight I am trying to carry in knowing that he is what he is. And I feel like I’m always in this constant battle with myself over it like, “What am I even doing here?” I want to help him get to this better side of life, but it has such a strong hold on him and has for so long that I don’t know what I can do about it anymore. I’ve been trying subtly. But I don’t think he actually wants to change. It just seems like the greatest love of his life is always going to be the booze, and he will continue to choose it over me or his kids whether he recognizes that is what he is doing or not.
Thank you Faugxh.
Going on thirty sober hours for the old man just got get through dinner and sleep my sober ass off tonight. Enjoying the little town of Strasbourg France today.
Are you in Germany? I know you’re in Europe somewhere but I was never sure where. #alcholismsucks
My parents have come down for a few days as our neighbour of 45 years passed away recently and her funeral is tomorrow morning. I’ve been away with the kids camping for a week and have only just returned.
The pair of them have been out at the pub all evening and are now home, pretty drunk. I’ve been trying to hold a conversation with my mum but she can hardly follow what I’m saying. My dad’s less impaired but still talking rubbish.
Lord, give me strength……
I’m sorry I missed this. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m struggling tonight with my husband’s drinking. He just doesn’t make sense and can’t follow the conversation either. I hope your night got better and everyone got a good night’s sleep.
Yes, they didn’t (weren’t able to) stay up late and I just focussed on my responsibilities for the evening.
The funeral is this morning and although there had been talk of them attending the wake and then staying another night, I think they are just going to go back home after it.
Part of me feels sad for them because they are really forfeiting any sort of relationship or closeness with their only two grandkids due to drink. But when they are drunk there is nothing for my kids to relate to. And I can see now so clearly that there was nothing for me to relate to as I was growing up either.
Sorry you are struggling with being around your husband when he’s drunk.
You know when grannie comes to stay and now there’s this chocolate cake in the fridge? But no one else is invited to have any and no one would want it anyway because she’s been eating it with a fork straight out of its box in the middle of the night when she’s drunk.
Other than that, it’s a beautiful sunny morning here.
So I’ve been struggling. A lot lately. And thanks to The Recovery Show
And Al-Anon I think I’m managing. Or at least learning more about this codependency addiction I have. I really didn’t think it was an addiction. But it is. It’s kind of shined a new light on things for me.
The newest episode 385 on the Recovery Show podcast was called “Worry Less” Does your mind automatically tune into the worry-and-fear channel? Are you suffering from worry about your loved ones? What tools have you found to help escape from constant worrying?
God gave me exactly what I needed. I highly recommend this particular episode if anyone else is struggling with a loved one that’s an addict. I’ve already listened to it twice. I think I’ll go for the Hat Trick.
So as you might know we go out to eat A LOT! I didn’t want to go out to lunch today because I knew she would drink. But I wanted to go out to lunch. Not going out to lunch would have been me trying to control her drinking? Or would it? It would have made me uncomfortable to have her drink at lunch so why be uncomfortable? So maybe it wasn’t controlling. Anyway. I really wanted to do brunch at this cool egg place call Eggstacy. So we went. She got mimosas. Of course she did. And I was OK with that! And she had wine since we been home. We’ve both taken naps. She’s having more wine. And I think I’m ok. I’m using my new phrase God help me to see this differently.. So we are both sitting in the living room me writing here and her on Twitter. And I feel good about it.
I don’t think leaving her would ever be an option. Although I thought about it the last restaurant episode. At least a temporary leave. And maybe someday I’ll have to. I don’t know . But what is an option is me fighting and beating this fucking addiction of codependency.
Also the last couple of days we’ve been able to get some alone time. I didn’t know how important that was for me. We’ve been glued to the hip for the last 3 weeks with voluntary quarantine before the trip. The trip. And all the stuff we had to accomplish this week. No breaks from each other.
I’ve been enjoying non resentful breaks of alone time without her. That’s recovery in my books. I think that me alone time is essential to my recovery.
And I’ll get some alone time at my meeting tonight. That and all my tools and Al-Anon meetings. And God help me to see this differently.”
Today I’m gonna be ok
ODAAT
Edit if anyone is interested. Click on the link of the Worry Less show and there’s so great reading if you don’t want to listen to a podcast.
. I hate feeling like that. And like you guys we really are great together.
resentment free when my qualifier is drinking. I don’t care how many meetings I go too. It. Fucking. Hurts. Before my sobriety we were both drunk all the time. Since my sobriety she’s drank all but those 5 days. Every fucken day. As soon as she had that first glass of wine Wednesday afternoon my heart sank and my attitude changed and I couldn’t help it. I’m back where I was. I don’t want to look at her I don’t want to be pleasant to her. I don’t want anything to do with her. I actually thought I was doing so good. For some reason it really hurt this time. I’m finding it hard not to take it personally. I know it’s not personal. It’s addiction. It still sucks and hurts me.
I can’t tell my friends and family. A few people know a little bit. It’s just a lonely situation. Xoxo
just got get through dinner and sleep my sober ass off tonight. Enjoying the little town of Strasbourg France today.
. But what is an option is me fighting and beating this fucking addiction of codependency.