What a great meeting. And it was FUN. I got to be the only guy there. I was a hit 
All kidding aside.
I was afraid to go. I was very apprehensive about not cooking or “taking care of” dinner. That’s what I do. I was afraid of how she would be when I got home. But I also had Hope in Me. And I was determined not to let fear guide my thoughts. Just for today. And I enjoyed the meeting very much.
Grrrrrrr … I need to vent and think this is the best thread for it.
I made some calls today and found out that my ex lied to me again. Or as he interprets it: Why should I have said something, I didn’t know or think it’s important for you. Fucking asshole, everything concerning house & farm is important and I’m responsible, not you. He even changed contact data to his which he is not allowed to do. Wow, I have a lot to let go and let God. But first a talk to my lawyer. This bullshit has to end. And now I want him to leave the farm asap. I don’t care anymore if he pretends to be the poor guy with the DUI which is unable to search for a new habitat. He is a liar, a moocher and a narcissist. I will figure out how to evict him from the farm and house I payed for. He ripped me off too long, now I’m on the warpath. If any co-dependent blabla miss my ex need love feelings come along again, I’ll beat them out of my brain. God dammed, I’ve been such a dumbass fucking idiot.
Him being the poor guy with the DUI etc….etc… etc… certainly is not your problem. Not at all. He made this mess. Not you.
Addiction, alcoholism whatever you want it is such a cunning and baffling disease. You thrown in a side of Narcissism and that can definitely make someone feel like a dumbass. Vent away my friend. But you are no dumbass. Narcissistic people know EXACTLY what they are doing and gaslighting. That’s a tough combo to battle. But you’re doing it. Good luck with you lawyer.
Stay strong.
Edit. But also take a deep breath once and awhile. That warpath can affect our sane thinking. That’s what he wants. If he can get you flustered and confused and all pissed off he can hang on longer.
Breathe.
Thank you for the reminder. I keep breathing. No over-reacting. I drove to the farm today and confronted him, documented the area and reminded him for the dozendst time to hand over some documents. He complained about me being demanding and expostulating, acting unwilling towards me. I insisted that his behaviour is non-professional and crap, I’m sick of his bullshit and no longer willing to wait. Why hurry, he asks ME why the hurry??? Oh man, because I did my homework and you will leave hopefully sooner than later. My farm AND my life. He had three quaters of a year to think what to do with his life. He is a calculating asshole sitting everything out. Well, time will tell and karma is a bitch. I believe in it and I have hope. I stay safe, no worry dear friend 
I don’t know this fella but this is a classic dickhead move here. You ARE being demanding because HE didn’t do his part. Gaslighting, weaponized incompetence, etc., there are tons of words for it. I’m sticking with dickhead. No shame there. A good healthy anger spell after a break can be cleansing. I agree with @Dazercat though. Take a breath, remember that you are a kind human and then leave that fellow sitting in his pity pool. Hugs to you.
Edit: Did he take the farm? It that what I’m reading?
I like the word dickhead!
No, we are still dividing finances and I want to keep the farm because I payed it all in all including the new house. But he lives there because I still have my house in the city to live whereas he sold his parent’s house and has to find a new place away from the farm. Which is soooooo difficult without a driving license that he could not throw a thought on the issue … typical him. sitting out every uncomfortable situation doing nothing.
Mutual property is only for the brave ones. In future I stick to mine is mine, well, 11 years ago I thought it would be a great idea 
nope, cannot recommend.
Divorce laws in each European country are different In Austria it can become quite complicated quickly.
No, I can’t drop him off anywhere but the idea is funny as his only relative left is his older brother. They had some serious issues and court appointments when they sold their mutual heritage, quarreling all time. To make it short: They are both not the brightest candles on the christmas tree when it comes to reasonable, common-sense solutions for life affairs. This is one reason why I have hope for me.
If I would drop him at his brother they would drive each other crazy within a day 
Sorry, this is sarcastic but the picture in my head is hillarious.
Good that you had the insurance when your ex died. It’s horrible to be left with financial insecurity. Hugs to you 
@Bootz
I guess she failed making it to bed at a reasonable hour. Again. I just happened to be getting up to go to the bathroom at 4am and she was coming in. At this point I reckon she’ll take that drink to the grave like the rest of her family did.
(Thought I’d move my response over here.)
I’m grateful it’s not the drinking that bothers me. It’s the drunk in public, snoozing in restaurants. (Resting my eyes ) like what alcoholic never said that 
. I’m grateful to still be working on that boundary for me. Meanwhile I’m blessed to be hitting up a new 10am meeting in a few minutes.
Although. I’m wondering if I’m hitting up these meetings to punish her. I don’t think so. But maybe kinda. I guess I’ll stick to the facts. I need a meeting. Doesn’t really matter what the reason is.
I cant imagine that being your reality. However, I can see how the codependant part of your brain might try to throw that thought into the mix to get you to feel some guilt, shame and possibly get you not to go. I am glad you are listening to your wisdom.
I hope that you are learning some stuff about who Eric is, and that you are seeing all of the ways that you show Eric love. Choosing yourself over whatever the feelings of your alcohlic might be is how we live this life clean. We have to choose ourselves first, we have to learn how to take care of ourselves first. Everytime you go to a meeting thats what you are doing, youre adding strength to that loving boundary you made the other night. Everytime you choose yourself, you begin to trust yourself more, even if you cant feel it. You get stronger and stronger every single day.
You are a caring and deeply compassionate man who, sure has some valid resentments, but spiteful… Im not sold. I am sold that you go to the meetings because you come out stronger and feeling better everytime. I am sold that your intution, your heart and God are leading you there.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it.
Ya she knows how to stroke me good. Love that lady. 
I guess I learned this today.
I think I got a lot of grief or mourning going on.
Grateful it’s not taking me several years to lean this.
I tried to read this thread from the beginning, but it’s a lot to catch up. So I’m jumping in here.
I’m going thru some %#@^ with my older brother and Mom. I’ve attended 12 step meetings for this issue years ago.
I have tried to Detach with Love since forever. Finally, it happened. But, now I’m getting drawn back into the drama. And need to get my boundaries reset again. Telling myself that they are sick is helpful.
Mom has always enabled my brother (70) and he bullies me with text messages on the family chat. No matter what I do to help our 92 yo mother, he over reacts to how I try to solve the problems. I blocked him for a while but unblocked him again.
Thanks for listening. I’m going to take it easy and be good to myself.
Dear @Phoebe vent away You’re a good person and help your mum. Are your brother and she living in the same household? You set boundaries, you can set them again. Family drama can be such a pain in the ass. Sending you strength and hugs!
Yes. I would like my significant other to at least drink less because he drinks daily and around me.
Welcome Emily.
I hear ya.
I’ve been sober 3 years now. And my wife drinks every day.
Unfortunately we can’t control it.
We didn’t cause it and we can’t cure it either.
Hope to see you around.
@itsemip
So glad you have joined us!! You’ll get lots of encouragement here and on the other threads. Take care.
@Bootz @Dazercat @erntedank
Thanks for your responses. Mom still lives alone at 92, that’s pretty good. Brother is about 20 min. across town from her. I live less than 10 miles from her. I do have another older bro who lives across the country in Raleigh. He is very supportive.
Today, I’m ok, was able to see a movie with a friend and step away from them for the day. Tomorrow, I’m heading to Mom’s place to fix her phone. It’s always something.
Well, parents are staying here tonight and tomorrow. They arrived late afternoon and headed out to the pub within half an hour or so of getting here. When they got in from the pub about an hour ago my mum pretty much went straight to bed without speaking a single word to me. That’s what she does. i’ve asked her in the past just to let me know that she’s heading away but she seemingly can’t do it.
So, there’s little wonder that I have abandonment issues.
It honestly is making me feel so angry right now. At least I’m not depressed or sad about it anymore. Anger may still be a negative feeling but it’s much better that blaming myself and feeling depressed.
Thanks Bootz. I ended up getting a good nights sleep after doing a meditation to deal with the angry feelings I had. I’m really glad I shared here though as I often feel my friends don’t really understand what I’m going through. I used to get a lot out of sharing with my brother but he died a while back. I’m so grateful to this community. X
“Rejection is protection”, I like that one. I don’t think I heard that before.
How did the rest of the visit go? I had to learn to lower my expectations.
Take care, you are loved!
