I’m so sorry Eric… I have a lot of admiration for how you handle this as hard and difficult and heartbreaking as it is.
Prayers, love, thoughts, Hope, that there will be a change. 
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Im sorry Eric - sounds like youve had one hell of a weekend. I am super proud that you were able ti a) take pics of the drunken state b) show the pics as evidence and c) make a solid plan to not be around drinking during lunch.
As @Alisa said - i believe your wife canceled plans first so that she wouldnt feel hurt or shame when or if you did it.
I cant imagine living with an alcoholic let alone living with an alcoholic as you are trying to get sober. More props to you my friend.
I know she is not doing this to hurt you. It is this relentless disease. No matter what anyone said or did, i just couldnt imagine how people lived without drinking. It was like breathing to me. I do hope that she suceeds in her dry 7 days and hopefully thatvleads to more dry days.
Im sorry you are going through this - know you have friends here to talk to and your lovely pets. Sending you strength 
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Marc, thank you for posting this. Dazercat was a huge part and help in me getting sober. His posts and “not drinking today, and probably not drinking tomorrow” helped me understand ODAAT, and now I’m able to live that way in other areas, not just alcohol.
Eric, major love to you and your wife. My heart breaks for her, and her family that have to watch her live in alcoholic chains.
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Thanks everyone for the support. Lots of times it just really helps to let it out on here. Knowing someone is listening to me or reading me.
As I’ve always said. but it’s the sharing that heals not the person that listens.
Believing in myself.
But I’m sure glad y’all are listening. That’s kind of special. Thanks 
@erntedank
@Lisa07
@LeeHawk
@Alisa
@JazzyS
She’s done a dry 7 days before. And a ten day challenge so I know she can do this. But she always wants to go back to drinking wine with her meals. “She likes it.” 
Maybe one day. I don’t know. I don’t have my hopes up. But I’d bet the farm, If she says she’s doing 7 days dry, she’ll do 7 days dry. She always has.
Cunning and baffling disease hey?
Fucken Thanks to you too
M 
@M-be-free49
@Sunflower1
sometimes I amaze myself 
All I got to do is go back to drinking and this shit would stop. Not gonna fucking happen!!! I’ve come too far. Never going through those first few weeks, months, again. I haven’t got another recovery in me.
Always nice to rally the troops.
Stop rambling Eric.
Nite nite.
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Maybe your wife has already attempted this but possibly try some NA 0% wines? I could not find any good reds imo but did find a few that could be nice for whites (not just sugary juice). This really helped me get out of my mental state with needing a glass of wine to relax.
I still used my wine glass and sipped like I would a regular wine. This really helped me retrain my brain in a way (I used the na wine like i did with Nicorette for smoking).
It took me a lot of searching to find ones that clicked with my palette and didn’t have me reaching for the real thing.
Just throwing this out there in case she hasn’t tried and would be willing to do so after her 7 dry days…
You are handling this so well - glad you are writing this out when you get perplexed – we are here for you!
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Hi Lee. You’re so right about ODAAT. I think I still have a lot to learn around this. I like the ‘not drinking today and probably not drinking tomorrow’, and will adopt it for myself to be ‘not getting absolutely wrecked on alcohol and drugs this weekend and probably not getting wrecked on alcohol and drugs next weekend.’
I always assumed that as we got older things would naturally quiten down but that hasn’t happened. It’s like we doubled down in middle age, and I really dont want an ambulance coming to pick one of us up off the floor one day, which is why I joined this community.
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I use to use my favorite wine glass when I started my sober journey too. But with fresh sparkling water and a squeeze of lemon. Even in restaurants I would ask them to serve my sparkling in a wine glass. I still like it that way. But it’s not necessary.
She does try the dealcholized wine. I think that type taste better. We have plenty of it in the house. She tries everything. Poor thing. It’s exhausting watching her try to hang in there with the next cockamamie thing. But I support her. Lying my ass off. 
.
It’s funny the other day I didn’t know if she was drinking the dealcholized wine after her lunch wine and that was driving me more crazy. She seemed fine but she had 3 more glasses after lunch. I wasn’t going to ask her. And I guess me counting her glasses probably isn’t Al-Anon approved 
And I don’t count her glasses. But I know the routine. It’s just me and her 24/7. But I thought it was funny I didn’t know what she was drinking and I did the right thing. I kept my mouth shut.
She has found some good ones. I waited until I had about 2 1/2 years + sober before I tried it. It’s ok. Wouldn’t want more than a glass of it.
Thanks for your input. She got some food poisoning the other night. She’s been sick as a dog poor thing. So she’s getting an easy day 1 I hope she feels better tomorrow.
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aw man i’m sorry - i can’t imagine being in your shoes. you do have so much compassion and patience. she is really trying and hopefully one of these times it sticks. this is such an ugly disease and although we’ve all gone through it - it really does grab hold of each of us differently and for different reasons.
I’m sorry that she’s recovering from food poisoning - UGH! that’s never fun.
just another thought and sorry if it’s already been tried - haven’t had a moment to read through this thread yet – Has she tried therapy? maybe she’s holding onto something that may be causing her to keep going back to her comfort zone found through wine?
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Yeah. Mixed/confused emotions, right?
It struck me recently that literally all my happy childhood memories with him involved going somewhere he could get a drink. I love tenpin bowling because he used to take me as a kid a lot. It was the only place which had a liquor licence at 10am back then.
I’ve taken my kids bowling a lot too, they seem to like it, but I’ve never bought a drink in a bowling alley… I figure if I can do that, then I can do the same everywhere, right?
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She don’t like therapy. She likes her glass of wine.
Her mother was an alcoholic.
Her 2 brothers alcoholic. One with mental illness. Sister drug addict and alcoholic. All died early in life. We drank together our first 38 years. A lot. And drugs. Both my children recovered addicts one with bi polar. Ya you’d think she might have an issue or 2. With all that in our/her family you’d think just maybe she’d know better. It cannot be controlled. But she’s still trying. Horrible horrible horrible disease. And after 40 years of marriage I still love her. Hate the addict. With a passion. I think I got most of my recovery tools from my grown up children.
Anyway. I’m rambling.
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Damn it - ran out of likes.
That’s so awful my friend - I do believe that our way of thinking will change when it’s meant to change. I know many times I’ve heard a message over and over and only when I was ready did that message actually sink in and I was able to take steps towards change.
I do hope that this mental motivation / clarity comes soon for your wife. Take the 7 dry days and hopefully she will do them more frequently. 
In the mean time - we are here for you my friend. You are never rambling - just letting us in on your journey. So grateful to be in this together.
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I’m grateful I went to a new Al-Anon meeting yesterday. Now I got 4 a week to choose from.
Look at me go 
It’s always so comforting to walk in to a new Al-Anon meeting and be so welcomed and accepted right away.
I’ve never been to a birthday meeting in Al-Anon. The chair ask if there were any birthdays today. I didn’t say a word. I was a stranger. After the chair went on and there was a pause I spoke up and shyly said, “ya.” “I got a birthday this month.” “One year ago this coming Sunday my life became so unmanageable that I started attending Al-Anon meetings. Does that count?” They said yes! Of course it does. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year guys💥
They let me pick the topic and let me share my years worth of Al-Anon. I was not prepared for this. Totally unexpected. I just wanted to check out a new meeting and see if I liked it. Didn’t even think about my birthday until it came up; every 3rd Thursday is a birthday meeting. I didn’t know what to say.
They let me pick a reading and topic.
I went right to surrender. 
I talked about how I get to surrender every day. It’s not a one time deal for me. It’s something I get to do over and over again. I gave them a little history of my Al-Anon experience through my children and now 12 years later my lovely 
wife.
I can’t put my finger on it. I been sober over 3 years. Can’t believe I’m saying that 
. My wife still drinks. I’ve been going to Al-Anon for a year. My wife still drinks. I guess it doesn’t matter what she does. Or anyone else for that matter. If I keep coming back some how magically it works. I find and get serenity and I can live with myself. Sober. I know I’m getting better. Slowly. I know I relapse all the time and freak out every couple of months when my life becomes unmanageable, but I know I got Al-Anon and somehow it keeps me sane.
So, I’m grateful for Al-Anon and walking into a new meeting and having fun yesterday. Even if I was put on the spot. I earned it!
This addiction is a God Awful family disease. The Devils perfect work. I can’t think of anyone who started out wanting to be Addicted to their DOC. But it happens.
So I keep going back because it works if I work it and I’m worth it. And it keeps me sober too. How fucking cool is that! 
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I can’t believe it, one year! Time flies … Your sharings helped me so much, especially in the last year. My 1 year breakup is coming up on monday. I can’t believe this neither.
I’m so happy you are doing fine in your al-anon groups and I admire the love and compassion you have for your wife and your life together And of course all your pets!
Sending you a big hug my friend
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That’s right. Our lives became pretty unmanageable at about the same time. Your courage and strength has also help me a lot this past year. I find it so interesting how we both went in 2 different directions with our unmanageable lives. I could never be as courageous and brave as you have been. I’m so glad you are here and we have so much in common and we both are taking our different ways to find serenity through the process of taking care of ourselves. It’s hard for me to explain. I see many people at my meetings and some are doing what I am doing and some are doing what you are doing. There’s no right or wrong way. I reckon whatever path we choose we are fighting for our best possible selves. And we are getting it. Slowly. OFDAAT
Thank you so much for being a big part of my journey. And your 3 fluffy guys too. We should give them a lot of credit for our serenity. I guess we do do that with gratitude.
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That so cool the group celebrated you and your awesome 1 year. Sometimes getting caught off guard turns out really well and this seems to be one of those times. Really proud of you for walking thru those doors a year ago. Congratulations!! 
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Awww im sorry sweet heart. Thats tough. I got sober before my hubby and was growing exponentially. There was a big rift between us and both of us felt it. I was scared because i thought all we had in common was partying. He chose to join me and move forward together. Maybe your partner will not want to be left behind as well. Holding out hope for you two.
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I think over the past week or two I have really let him know how this has been affecting me. I’ve told him I’m unhappy with us. I’ve told him how I feel we aren’t even really connected anymore. It just feels like two people living in a house trying to not upset each other.
I’m really hoping this is the case. He said he doesn’t want for us to be apart and I said the only way for us to be together is to be sober and basically start over. Start over in the way of finding things we like to do and they don’t even have to be together. I mean some of them need to be of course but I also know we need our own thing I have my working out and running but he doesn’t really have anything other than playing video games and he mostly only does that when he is on his doc
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We can want change for our partners but that just isnt something we can control. Sucks for sure. But when we make our thoughts known and let it go thats the healthiest thing we can do. Plus men hate when we “try to control them” 
im still working on this…sometimes daily
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It’s so important that you’re telling him how you feel. Being very clear and direct. As you said, I think, it’s necessary for you to do so. You
have lots going on right now Jen. Thinking about you. Big hugs.
I never insert the quotes right.
Please, please please don’t say fuck it and start drinking! I know that’s not what you want for you and in this case you should think of ‘you’ before you think of the two of you. 
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I knew after I said it I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to go back to drinking. Not to toot my own horn but I’m such a better person without it lol. It was just the closest I could come to expressing how his coke use makes me feel.
Thank you for the hugs
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