Sigh, I hear you I remember being fed up with this kind of talking/listening to with my ex. To be honest for me it WAS personal to some degree because WTF I’m not the dustbin for every drunk pity party about annoyances. So sorry you have to deal with it, it is exhausting. I can relate to patience running thin. It’s heartbraking to hear your loved one talking about starting over without you.
Typing out the thoughts sounds like a good idea, I hope it works for him and you. He can go back and re-read the thoughts, working on coming to terms if he really wants change or just complain about the situation.
Hope you can find some relief in being kind and caring to yourself. Healthy boundaries. Sending you hugs and kindness
I’m sorry my friend - that does sound like a frustrating sad evening. I can only imagine the hurt felt hearing those words.
This was a brilliant idea. I do hope he starts to write it down and can take time to re-read his thoughts (especially the ones written in a drunken state) and figure out what he really wants out of life.
You do not deserve to be made to feel this way. Sending you loads of love my friend!
Thanks all. I was up late last night looking at apartments prematurely and imagining a different life. For a long time in our relationship I was always in a push him away mode. Once we got married I leaned hard into that co-dependency and got comfortable being loved. It might be time to gather my independence and stand aloof for a while. It is strange how comfortable I am in push people away mode.
Update. We had a nice conversation full of apologies and wants explained. I was able to articulate that the true basis of my insecurity (I would be “fine” on my own) was him bringing up a co-worker whose presence in my husband’s life has always made me feel insecure.
He still has lots of work to do for his own happiness but at least I got to articulate my feelings. Who knows where we go from here but it does feel like growth.
Growth is only possible when I choose sobriety. Had this fight occurred when I was also drinking it would have been two hurt people screaming at each other. Onward!
I know that nothing is fixed yet but it is growth for me to be able to express my feelings soberly. He has some of his own work to do around this as do I. I will never be done improving myself. Thanks @JazzyS@Dazercat@Alisa@erntedank
I would like to post here, not on the gratitude thread
Eric, you are amazing. How you handle all the moving stuff.
How you get along with wifey.
I thought about PM you. I decided that maybe my share might be helpful for others.
WTF are you dealing with? sorry for tough love but I am really concerned.
Mashed potatoes all over the place, rice cooking might be a challenge?
I’m sorry for the shoutout, but when my alzheimer grandmother started with this, we locked the stove and every electricity for safety reasons. This is no more dealing, this is dangerous for housing, pets and inhabitants.
Please accept this sharing and response as a helping hand, from deep concern and deep personal and professional experience. There are many respectful, helpful ways to handle it without being permanently present. You can always contact me for discussion and help, everyone who might need it please feel free to PM the same.
Sending you love, strength and prayers dear friend
It’s just the booze and the loss of Minnie and the sudden move. She’s really just shut down. I cannot believe how I have to do almost all this by myself. But it’s ok. I listen to my serenity prayer meditation. I go to meetings. I’m way ahead of schedule which gives me time to rest often during the day.
It’s crunch time now. I feel like I just got to get us out of this house. I don’t think much will change when we get out of here. Although I will continue to work and change my attitude on things and go back to keeping boundaries in place. And I’ve got great supports in Scottsdale.
Alcoholic is gonna do what an alcoholic does. Until she hits rock bottom and does something about it.
My job is to accept this is her disease and to continue on the best I can. No it’s not fun for me. But this is what I’m doing today. Maybe tomorrow will be different.
Thank you for your love and concern.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
It’s just after 2 am here and hubs just got home from work. He works with his best friend on Tuesdays and Fridays and these days are tough for me. His best friend is going through a divorce and they drink too much when they are together.
He was wandering around muttering for a while and that triggers some anxiety about past relationships, drinking and anger. I’ve tried to put myself to sleep before he gets home on these nights but I can’t sleep until he’s home safely and laying there pretending to sleep is way too reminiscent of my relationship before him.
I’ve always dated drinkers. My last long term boyfriend drank too much too which was one of the catalysts for our break up. Also he was an angry asshole which didn’t help his cause. I have my flaws too but this guy sucked.
My husband has been with me through lots of drinking times and we talk about this regularly these days. He supported me when I was down (which was often and debilitating after binges) and now I am supporting him. He used to see me sleep through whole weekends and break plans to lay in a near catatonic state of hungover. Some may see this as enabling (and maybe it is) but he was the first man who showed me unconditional love-me-for-who-I-actually-am-flaws-and-all love. He has taught me to be less judgemental and that life really is about laughter and walking in the sunshine and having fun.
He physically picked me up out of bed when I slept for five days after getting so drunk that I woke up 10 minutes late for class and went MIA in my school program for months before crawling back. This episode put me back a year in my program when I could have just called out sick. He showed me how to access resilience.
I’ve been feeling so solid in my brain and in my sobriety lately. Things seem to be clicking and occasionally I have strong revelations and insights about memories these days that seem to tie up loose ends in my mind. Hubs on the other hand is in a rotten place. Turning 50, drinking too much, out of shape, and often sad. He talks about death a lot, not in a planning to end it all way but in an inevitable scared way. I just listened to him tell me all the reasons we can’t go on vacation anytime soon. I think the real reason is because he is dreadfully unhappy.
He has been strong for me when I needed him and now I am trying to repay that debt. Plus I love him. I wish I could shake him and tell him QUIT YOUR JOB, TRY NOT TO DRINK FOR 30 DAYS but I haven’t. Maybe I should. I just wish he were able to build happiness.
At least his behavior is a good strong reminder that drinking sucks all the fun out of an already sad brain. This vent took me an hour to write but it helped me process. Thanks for the space all.
If he could do what he’s able to to get in better physical shape it might help him mentally. Hoping y’all can go on more bike rides together and he can be more active. Thinking about you both. Big hugs and lots of love.
He was a college athlete and used to be very fit but drinking took most of that drive. We still get out for miles long walks on our days off and bike rides when we can but that doesn’t touch his beer belly.
Ah Emilie I just have no words but want you to know that i’m thinking of you and hoping that things get better for the both of you.
Much love my friend
I remember being fed up with this kind of talking/listening to with my ex. To be honest for me it WAS personal to some degree because WTF I’m not the dustbin for every drunk pity party about annoyances. So sorry you have to deal with it, it is exhausting. I can relate to patience running thin. It’s heartbraking to hear your loved one talking about starting over without you.
🫶🏼
