Kelly, you are wonderful 
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Aww thank you lovely, one does try xx
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Having kids and maintaining friendships can be difficult.
I want to share my personal experience from the other side. Deliberately never wanting kids, I was the friend confronted with the massive life changes kids brought to my friends life.
Yes, we sometimes lost contact and were not much involved in each others lifes. But the love of a real friendship doesn’t go away.
We had precious talks when we made an appointment (!!!) to call and talk uninterruptedly and undisturbed. They were so happy that I wanted to hear about THEM, not children, not family. The children grew older, we talk and meet more often, texting on whatsapp is a very nice way to stay in contact with my faraway friends, sharing glimpses and big events of our daily life.
Now that we are mostly in our 50s and the children are teenagers or adults we take time to reconnect, to enjoy being older (and exhausted) together, all dealing with similar shit: the ladies mostly with perimenopause, all with some kinds of health issues, all in different stages of relationships from long-term, freshly divorced like me to deliberately single and we have fun, we cry together, we share about not giving a fuck on bullshit workwise …
Be brave and text your friends once in a while that you are still alive, I bet the answers make you smile 
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I’ve been going to Al-Anon for 1 year and 4 months today, because my life became totally unmanageable living with an active alcoholic.
I was welcomed with open arms and so much love and understanding.
I learned a lot about Al-Anon from when my children were in active addiction. I thought I could apply the tools and slogans and steps to overcome my miserable life of living with a very active drinker. It didn’t work. But once I got my ass in a seat with other people who understood my struggle, was when I could finally find happiness whether my wife was drinking or not. Sometimes I went to the meetings just to get away from her. I finally had “me,” time. It is much easier to be happy when my wife isn’t drinking. I’ll 
admit to that.
Right now she is doing a dry September and I’m just doing this little Ol thing called one day at a time.
Will she drink after September? Who the fuck knows! Today. And just for today. I don’t give a shit. I got my supports in place and I’m grateful for today. That’s all I got right now. Today.
Thanks to everyone sharing on this thread. The 4 biggest things I’ve learned on my journey is.
I’m totally powerless over alcohol, or addiction mine or anyone else’s.
The 3 C’s
I didn’t cause it
I can’t cure it
I can’t control it
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Thanks for this post, Eric. I love the three Cs. I have to remember them when my husband is altered by pot or alcohol or both and he gets in one of his crappy moods and starts throwing me blame bombs, I did this or I didn’t do that, what’s wrong with me, shit like that. I try not to bite the hook, but sometimes, like tonight, I bite it, hook, line, and sinker, and we end up in a nasty loud argument. Trying to defend myself, is really just ego crap. Then I’m filled with regret that I lost my temper, let my ego get the best of me. This is tough, man…
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i know its hard but try not to be hard on yourself. You can’t always walk away when the blame bombs keep landing on you.
I can’t even imagine the restraint it would take to not take the bait. (i have seen many people when they are drinking using a poking stick - not sure why drinking puts them in a fighting type mood).
I wish i could offer some comfort - just know we are here to listen if you need to vent.
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Jasmine, you are always a source of comfort, thank you! I appreciate your kindness and understanding. Plus your great sense of humor (meme wars!!) after TS session last night, I was able to apologize to husband, we managed to patch things up. You are right about the poking stick. When that sucker comes out, I just have to get out of the way!
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That’s a good one.
We call that “Picking up the rope.” You know, for a tug a war. Don’t pick up the rope!
And if you find yourself arguing:
Would you rather be “right?” Or “Happy?” Takes 2 to argue.
Which leads me to WAIT
Why
Am
I
Talking?
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Grateful that you were able to patch things up. I can only imagine the frustrations in avoiding that poking stick but you are doing well… know we will always be here if you need to come and vent with us.
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OMG! Another great acronym! WAIT. Will add this to my toolbox. Also like the tug o war rope . That’s good! Thanks!
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The spouse of an in law is now stoned all day it seems. I feel bad for him and don’t understand how he tolerates it but I guess that isn’t my life or marriage or whatever to put myself in the middle of…
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And when that doesn’t work you can add an S.
WAIST
Why Am I Still Talking 
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I’m glad that you are sober yourself. Big congratulations for that.
It’s also great that you do some ‘good for you’ things like your running and taking the boys on nice outings.
And,posting here which is helpful and therapeutic for you!
Big hugs for you.
I’m glad that he realizes it’s a problem. Otherwise he wouldn’t say he’ll try to do better.
I wish you could go to Al-Anon either online or in person and be honest with him about it.
I hope that somehow there will be meaningful changes … in the meantime stay strong in your own sobriety, post here, and do those things like running that you personally like for you.
You are a lovely woman and Mother.
Remember that part. Nourish and take comfort in that and let it give you strength. xo
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that’s good too!
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I need a rant or my head will explode.
Who said I don’t trust the inner peace and absence of emotional spikes concerning my ex yesterday? Oh, that was me! And fuck was I right, in everything. I think the bähhuhuhu love/miss/lonely thing is through. Instead I really really really want to smash his idiotic head on his idiotic stones until it is mush 
All summer he was away on vaccations connected with building dry stone walls. This/his fucking wall here is still not finished 
I told him to find a solution as the firewood must be put in the furnace room and I DO NOT CARRY IT DOWNSTAIRS because his fucking bullshit wall is not finished and therefor I can’t approach the level where it is located by tractor to bring the firewood
Monday he told me he’ll call me tuesday. No call. Today I called him. Oh he was so busy and next week he’s away to france to the dry stone wall world congress but afterwards there are no further trips planned. And tomorrow he’s at the farm and we can talk. NO WE CAN NOT!!! I’m at an all day workshop with my group therapy. COMMUNICATION??? none
thinking about his bullshit making my life unmanageable??? nope, I give HIM a hard time. WTF??? he does shit about nothing important and relevant and complains that I get angry???
oh you fuckup, the moment I pay you out I throw out all your bullshit here and hope one of your stones hits your head to bring the light of epiphany to the void of your nonexistant brains, emotions and social skills.
I have to work on my codependent issues and letting go, he was always like this and it drove me crazy all the time. note to self: RED FLAG. in the future we avoid people whose flaws drive us crazy and don’t even mimimally match with our values, needs and accountability level. It’s ok to keep them away for our own sake and health.
Thank you for this outlet, now I feel a lot better and calm again
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A big hug for your feeling better and calmness xo
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Sending hugs @erntedank
I’ve been hearing this song on the radio daily for the past 6 months and I always think of you.
It’s called Flowers by Miley Cyrus.
We were good, we were gold
Kinda dream that can’t be sold
We were right 'til we weren’t
Built a home and watched it burn
Mm, I didn’t wanna leave you
I didn’t wanna lie
Started to cry, but then remembered I
I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don’t understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Paint my nails cherry red
Match the roses that you left
No remorse, no regret
I forgive every word you said
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I love this song 
I listen to music really rarely and listening to it brightened my afternoon sitting on thebalcony enjoying the sun and wind 
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I’m glad you got to vent. Good place for it.
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I want to vent too. Good place for it.
I just don’t want to ruin this Cali trip because of what she said yesterday. She’s going to drink on Sunday. It’s October. Dry September is over. But it’s so stinking hard. I’m fucking human. I have feelings. They got hurt. And I got to let them go. She’s not drinking today. She won’t drink tomorrow. And I got HOPE if I can just believe. Really believe everything happens for a reason. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. But the brain is a complicated motherfucker. And it won’t stop being in survival mode. At least I won’t drink.
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