Way to go Kelly! Your growth is shining brightly.
Hoping your brother comes to terms with his issues and addresses them sooner rather than later. Glad to hear you’re going to be supportive. This is a family disease.
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Thanks everyone
@Dazercat i actually cant believe how far ive come Eric, thank you
@Cjp thank you, i pray for this too
@Lisa07 …thank you that such a lovely thing to say!
Honestly when he cut me off i spent so many nights crying myself to sleep even hoping to one day get my own back but today my heart aches for him the same as it does for every fellow addict thats suffering…even asking my own mother to not treat him as she did me, i am pleasantly shocked at myself though, wether he chooses to admit to having a problem or not which i hope he does…i know ive kept my side of the street clean
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Wow. That’s a lot. Glad you could offer advice!
What about his daughters? How are they?
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Theyre shaken to say the least i think…hel be hurting bad over them seeing how he was…they shouldnt have to see that, i hope he does what he needs to now so they dont ever see it again…i had one of them to my house today to play with my daughter …she seemed ok but thats kids for you she was too busy playing…the youngest who is 5 keeps saying that her daddy is in jail…heartbreaking
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Sending you hugs 
Yes, it’s astounding how we react sometimes. I’m glad you feel like you feel, it’s so relieving to discover that resentments, grudge, past hurting and wishing for some kind of “revenge” are gone. At least to a point where compassion is the lead emotion. I’m glad you were able to help by sharing knowledge and experience. I’m even more glad it was received well and you were seen as a person to reach out to in need for help by your mom.
Sending healing vibes to your family and a cat nudge to you in addition
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Thank you so much, i know exactly how he’l be feeling…when i had my rock bottom i wasnt arrested but hospitalised and when i got brought home my mother treat me with utter contempt…i honestly wouldnt want anyone to feel how i felt in that moment…i told her that today…i think she felt bad about that which wasnt my intention but it is my truth…i also told her that i understand now that that is her way of coping with hurt but that it is not helpful to anyone in these sorts of situations. I feel like ive made headway with her today, she apologised to me and that never happens…i thanked her and said i appreciated it. Just hope my brother can find a better way 
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Wierdly…if someone asked me yesterday had i forgiven my brother i would have probably said no…but that i was working on it…maybe we dont realise we have forgiven until something happens…
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Thanks for sharing this Kelly.
That really shows the growth of yours and I hope that your brother will be able to ask for support soon.
Sending positive vibes your way.
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I am sorry that your nieces had to witness this. Grateful that your sober journey allowed for your mom to come to you and ask for advice / help. Grateful for how far you have come in your journey to have been able to offer it with clarity and your experience to back up your advice.
impressive work friend. you have come a long way.
perfectly stated and grateful that you are able to be there for them all 
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Thank you so much for your kind words 
I just really hope my brother gets the help he needs for himself and my neices…i have a horrible feeling though that he wont ever admit to having this awful addiction.
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This is a gem dear friend
I bookmark it with a reminder as I was thinking about my ex a lot. And I was not kind to him at the end, I was frustrated, hurt and furious about his drinking and my helplessness. Thank you for making me reflect my role again. I need to forgive myself for hurting him and myself with my behaviour. One day I will be done with letting go and will have forgiven, maybe without noticing it
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I do share your feeling, I know it well.
All we can do is hope.
My ex still is in denial and still blames me for everything in his life. To be honest I always hoped the big bang separation and having to live alone learning to navigate life outside the comfort zone I provided would start him realizing that he not only has major roblems but also causes problems and hurt. After nearly 2 years I work on giving up hope, my feeling says this will never happen in a context involving me.
Sorry I derailed your sharings to think aloud about my own issues. I’m deeply grateful you gave me another perspective how things can evolve
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Hey thats great…if my story can help you then im more than happy with that!! Im sorry youve had it so difficult with your ex…i think giving up hope on something you wanted is such a hard thing to do, sometimes necessary though…i hope you can get to a place eventually where you can accept that he will not change, that is out of your control, you can only work on yourself. While ive offered support to my brother should he want it i am also very conscious of protecting my own sobriety in this situation as that is my priority.
Maybe with your ex its time not exactly to give up hope but to accept who he is as he is today because everything else that you want him to be doesnt exist outside of your head…he is who he is, you couldnt live like that and so you made the right decision for you.
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I don’t think we forgive as such, we just hold the strongest emotion in our hands that we feel… Like picking up a bowling ball in our palms, it fills our grasp and is heavy: anger, compassion… Whatever.
Looks like your compassion ball is held firmly in your hands and hurt and anger put down for now.
But it’s still emotional intelligence from your side 
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I like that…unfortunately my compassion ball seems to be becoming lighter since ive just been told that today hes blaming anything and everything apart from the drinking…
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Sounds about right though 
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Yes, i know you know that all too well…ive given my mother all the details for al anon
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I like this a lot.
It’s quite a challenge to hold on to that compassion ball sometimes.
@Starlight14
I have to keep picking mine up on the daily.
Thanks for the reminders. It goes good with my coffee this morning 
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Gosh, I missed this thread for a while… sorry about your brother. So glad you shared this, it does help others (like me) in similar circumstances. Having compassion for your brother even though he has treated you badly, remembering it’s the addict who does these things, and not the real person underneath it all. Such important lessons. 
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That’s on him not you. Your side of the street is clear and true 
Booze is such a personality killer. It deadens your soul. Keep supporting yourself first and foremost Kelly.
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