I will remember this. I think he’s proud of me for trying to be sober but at the same time.. misery loves company. So he’s supportive at times and not at others. I will be definitely be reading a lot here and elsewhere while I can. I expect things will smooth out at home.. at least until the weekend. Come Friday.. I don’t know what to expect. Those are some great acronyms. I think I told myself a lot last night….why in the world don’t I just shut my mouth and go to bed. And that was certainly an option, but going to bed without resolving a matter just gives him something else to hold against me. I feel torn between him and sobriety, though he says he fully supports me. I don’t like drama and I usually just take the blame for whatever so we can be at peace. Maybe I need to continue to do that.
One of my favorite ladies at my first Al-Anon meeting had a WAIT bracelet.
But she had it made with beads.
What my wife thinks about me, before we go to bed at separate times, is not my business. That was really hard for me when we were in the thick of things. Truthfully it’s still work on my part.
One guy always said. “What people think of me is their business.” And I didn’t really like that guy 
But I still listened. And he had some good stuff once and awhile.
You make a good point, but a hard point. I do care what he thinks of me. It would be easier if I didn’t love him so much. Lol. But I understand the point you are getting at, and I can try to adopt that. It’ll just be difficult. Everything is difficult when it’s new. But it’s for the best.
I like the bracelet. I bet my daughter would make one for me. She loves making bracelets! And if she knows what it’s for, she would be even more the willing. 
Currently reading your journey here as I’m going through a lot of emotions and arguments with my spouse. I’m only 8 days sober. Thank you for sharing.
Congratulations on your 8 days. That’s awesome 
This hits hard! I’m shutting up now. LOL.
Reading this and crying….
I thought about that one too on my walk. But I didn’t want to overwhelm you with TMI. It is a big one.
That’s my daily reader. Courage To Change. It’s a wonderful read.
I’ve been doing lots of reading. This thread is priceless, full of helpful stuff. I haven’t went all the way back to the beginning, but I plan to.
What I have been learning from my therapist (I can’t speak on others situations as I’m not privy to it), but for mine particular, unhealthy and healthy cannot coexist. Whether my husband is aware consciously or subconsciously, generally when a partner begins getting healthy & the other is not, they will try to impede growth. I also have come to know that he has issues with control. He cannot control my personal growth, which adds fuel to fire. My partner and I had a base relationship with alcohol since the beginning. When I relapse, it is surrounding my nerves around him. I am thinking of you & if you want extra support, feel free to PM me 
I truly appreciate that. I will most likely take you up on that offer. He has agreed to moderate a little better, but I know that’s been said before by both of us. It was just an extra hard weekend. I very much believe what you are saying. Hubby here also has issues with control. I noticed it early on, but I’m more of a servant heart so a little direction is nice, wanted and appreciated. However, the older I get, the less I tolerate. We are both going through changes. His are just a little different from mine. We are together, for better or worse. This just happens to be one of those times that’s more worse than better.
You are always welcome to take what is helpful from my experiences. Love your sharings.
It’s a lonely journey beside a drinking partner. But you are not alone in it
And to answer an unasked question: When you get sober and work recovery, it ALWAYS comes first. Yes, the uncomfortable fact is that there will be times you must detach and distance from your partner to save your sobriety, integrity and authentic self. No worries, he and all others will learn and accomodate to your boundaries and self-care. Don’t argue, just do your sober thing and keep going. ODAAT
Yes, that does sound uncomfortable. 
I pray God gives me strength. Sounds like I will certainly need it. “Detach and distance” will seem to him like I don’t love him. I really don’t ever want to hurt him. I just don’t want to hurt myself, either. We did talk for awhile last night, went over some scenarios that could occur. I told him that I would rather walk away/go to bed early rather than argue or give in to a drink. He told me to do whatever I feel is best for me, even if he didn’t like it. But I’m not sure he meant that. He had several drinks before he said that, but I don’t think he was drunk. Thank you for your help.
Showing love has many faces.
You can make up sober things you do together to discover how loving each other feels when both are sober. My ex didn’t do shit and when he was annoying, emotionally absent, but I would have loved to. Just a thought.
From Today’s Courage To Change
I found these types of readings to be very helpful, when dealing with my active alcoholic wife.
MARCH 4
The slogan, “Think” always puzzled me. Wasn’t it my “stinking thinking” that got me into trouble? The meaning of this slogan remained a mystery until I heard a neighbor’s child reciting some safety rules he’d learned in school: Stop, Look, and Listen. Before I get into trouble, before I open my mouth to react, or get lost in obsessive analysis of another person’s behavior, or worrying about the future, I can Stop. Then I can Look at what is going on and my role in it. Then I can Listen for spiritual guidance that will remind me of my options and help me find healthy words and actions. So when something unkind is said to me, I don’t automatically have to get into a loud and vicious argument. Instead, I can take a moment to “Think.” I can Stop, Look, and Listen. Then I might be able to engage calmly in discussion or simply walk away. If I do choose to enter the argument, at least I am now making this decision consciously, rather than letting life decide for me.
Today’s Reminder
This day is a beautiful room that’s never been seen before. Let me cherish the seconds, minutes, and hours I spend here. Help me to think before I speak and pray before I act.
“The program helps me gain the freedom to make wise choices that are good for me. I choose to put that freedom to work in my life today.” Alateen—a day at a time
@OHsusieQ
There’s a great acronym for THINK as well.
Is it?
Thoughtful
Helpful
Inteligent
Necessary
Kind
This is good stuff! I know my problem is really me. It has taken me a few days to come to terms with that. I’m on edge, mood swings, uncontrolled thoughts. I can’t help anyone. I can barely help myself right now. I don’t know what to do really to make these feelings go away. I’m wanting to be numb, like I always was. Not feeling anything seemed better than feeling everything. I will try to keep these words in mind. I’m flailing about like a caught fish, and everything hurts right now. I’m making assumptions when I shouldn’t. And yeah.. I guess some of it is not my fault, but a large part is definitely my fault because the things that didn’t bother me much before are now being carried like a heavy weight that I can’t unload. It just sits there and festers. A few moments each day I feel hopeful, like I can do this, but much of the day is spent with me wondering if I’ve done the right thing, if I can do this long term, if I can make a real change.. not just in the actions of drinking, but a change in my attitude towards drinking, towards others, towards myself. I don’t know. Moment by moment…that’s how I’m getting by. And people say that’s ok, but it sure hurts.
To learn to sit with our feelings is hard work. I think you are doing your best, one day at a time. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, irritated. This will get better, calmer, more organized. Be kind to yourself, you can emotions, impulses, feelings and thoughts let pass. Like visitors. This approach helped me to distance myself from my own overwhelming emotions AND give them a safe space to show me where they come from and what their message is. I still use this strategy when life gets lifey and emotions are high.
I love this 
I’m sorry, but I wish I had that description of me when I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting. It’s a perfect description of what you’re going through. I’m happy you still have your sense of humor.
We say assuming makes an ass of you and me 
I try not to assume what my wife knows, or what anyone knows for that matter. Even if they “should” know. And speaking of “should” I took that word right OUT of my vocabulary. I cannot go through life thinking my wife “ should” do this. My son “should” do that. Or she knows she “should”. Etc…. That’s why I don’t tell you what you “should” do. I have no idea what you “should” do. I can only share my experience strength and hope.
I too didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. Hell, I still don’t know. But I know I’m doing my best.
I think you are on the right track. It takes time. You are advanced with this thinking 
One last saying that took me awhile to accept.
If I’m not the problem, then there’s no solution.
I’m glad you’re here.
Sorry about your circumstances.
@erntedank Hard work and not very fun, either. Not sure what it will take for me to figure out how to let feelings and thoughts pass. I wear them on my sleeves, for myself and everyone else to see (ashamedly).
@Dazercat I can see where that description is funny, but I had no other words to explain it with. Lol. Even if you can’t tell me what I “should” do, I sincerely appreciate you sharing on here. Lots of it I just keep going on and on in my head, trying to absorb it and let it take root. I don’t have the best dirt for roots, but I’m still trying anyway. I figure if I wake up every day at least trying, that’s gotta be better than not trying at all.
I’ve actually said something similar to that before. I think I WANT to be the problem so I can fix it. If it’s someone else’s problem, then there’s nothing I can do to make it better.
Thank you all for making me smile today. Cookies for everyone! 