I didn’t mean to make it sound like a sexist issue. It’s not like he doesn’t appreciate when I clean and he doesn’t expect me to do it for him. It’s just like he literally doesn’t see it or it doesn’t bother him. But I stay there and it bothers me. Lol
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I’m in a similar situation. I think it comes down to control and taking advantage. Your man is probably so used to you doing the cleaning, he doesn’t think twice about it getting dirty he knows you’ll take care of it. And like me, I can’t take it anymore and just do it myself. My boyfriend said when I get a full time job (I got laid off due to covid) that it’ll change but it won’t. Women are expected to do the cleaning and that is that. Unless you change the way the rules are played, they will stay that way.
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yes! I agree it all comes down to communicating my needs as part of this relationship and my comfortably to stay at his place
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Yeah I think theres some level of taking advantage although i think its inadvertent. I agree that he doesn’t think about it because I usually do it.
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haha he’s a Gemini. But I agree. I need to put my needs in place of my ability to stay there! Thank you!
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I agree. I’m not sure he knows the effort I do put in. I think because I just do it he doesn’t even realize it. And apparently it doesn’t bother him either way. But I stay there so it bothers me haha
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Yes! You’re right! I need to communicate my needs more - you think with almost 2 years sobriety I would have been able to be great at that haha
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guilty. But when I actually clean, I feel so good! My mood changes even!
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I agree there’s a personality element!
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This is great advice. And I think explains my boyfriend’s perspective perfectly - i think it’s a bit of cluelessness from him lol
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I clean. I like things clean, neat, and orderly. I learned this before going into the Marines. I moved in with a bachelor uncle when I turned 15, as my mother was in the care of the state mental health system. He was ex-Navy, and things in his house were “squared away”. I had to do my own cooking, laundry, and cleaning. I still do most of the laundry, all of the cooking, and a fair share of the cleaning.
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yes!! You would think i would be better at communicating with almost 2 years of sobriety but there’s always room for improvement!
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Hahaha love it!!
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This is the real issue. I’m a guy and was once engaged to a woman who simply didn’t care as much about things being tidy as I did. She laughed thinking it was great that I did. I didn’t think it was funny. We talked and she tried… a little… to do better.
Just going along with it without talking only ensures that nothing changes. Then there’s resentments. And resentments can kill (figuratively and literally 
).
Best to talk than let it slide, even if we can’t expect others to live up to our expectations.
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so so so true!!! You’re right!!
Those gosh darn resentments! They are literally the worst!
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Yep I do most the cleaning and housework. This is one of my resentments I’m still working on
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Of course it bothers you because it is an issue of universal injustice women face in the society we live in. Obvs men are not unable to see dirt. What an idea! They’ve been brought up differently from us, since the women around them “see” the dirt and just take care of it, as they’re expected to. Replies like my pre-poster justifying this whole thing as some kind of gender difference, that’s sexism at its finest and not ok.
You’re a victim of sexism yourself even though I’m sure your bf is a nice guy and appreciates you doing his dirty work.
I do not mean to be mean to you at all. I’m definitely on your side. But wake up, Brooke! Dont ask other men on the internet for their opinion. Sort this stuff out yourself! Power to you.
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The inside of my car is so clean I would lick any surface without a worry. My house though…i wouldnt even lick a plate .
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Have you ever read Men are from Mars ? If not ,don’t bother ill give you a summary ;
They don’t think like us lol .
Good luck 
x
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