My best friend is getting married and I’m the maid of honor. And although I have not had a drink for eight months and she is aware of that, she is still insisting that I “drink at least one day of the bachelorette party weekend.” I keep telling her that I’m being serious and this is a big deal to me to not drink, I do not want to do it. She’s making it like my not drinking is ruining her fun. She’s even gone so far as to make the comment that I’m not invited places because I don’t drink anymore. I’m having a really hard time putting all my time and effort into her wedding events when she doesn’t seem to appreciate it anyways and she keeps treating me like shit for not wanting to drink. Every other person I’ve spoken to and told I’m not drinking anymore has been super supportive and told me how great it is that I’m doing this. I don’t understand why she is trying to make me feel bad about it and wants me start drinking again, especially when she knows how bad I got.
The bachelorette party is coming up and now I’m considering not even going because of the drama with her bridesmaids and the pressure she is putting on me to drink. I have no desire to drink but don’t want to risk losing how far I’ve come and I don’t want to be put down all weekend for not drinking.
That sucks, I’m sorry your friend is treating you this way! Isn’t she at least a little appreciative of the work you put into her wedding?
Anyway, going to that party sounds really stressful and in my opinion it’s not fair that she’s pressuring you to drink. It’s ok to put your sobriety first and stay home, this party might end up being really triggering?
It’s your call, I hope everything plays out well and your friend learns to appreciate the sober you 
Ah, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry that your “best friend” is putting this unreasonable pressure on you. Why would someone who loves you try to guilt you into harming yourself? That breaks my heart.
I was the “Best Girl” in my best friend’s wedding when I had been sober a couple of months. He was incredibly supportive when I told him I had stopped drinking. Instead of a wild night out before the wedding, he and I went to dinner and had a blast reliving old memories. Having said all that - his wedding day was incredibly hard for me. Old acquaintances expected that I would drink, one even putting a glass of champagne in my hand in front of the entire crowd and loudly calling “speech time!” It would have been so easy to take one sip - and I would have hated myself so much. Instead, I reached out here for help, and my buddies on the forum talked me through.
That is a very long winded way of saying that wedding events are hard as hell, even if your friends are supportive. If they are not - that has disaster written all over it.
I can only imagine how much you will resent your friend if she pressures you into sacrificing your sobriety so that she can “have fun.” My guess? It is best if you don’t go - certainly for you and probably for the long term good of your relationship.️
That’s really lame she’s putting you in this position. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I’m *assuming, not that it makes it valid, that she’s on her high horse because of this wedding and she feels like the world revolves around her. It does not. She’s not looking out for you right now at all. She’s being very selfish. Stay strong and don’t give in to her drinking demands.
Carry around it’s orange juice and tell her it’s a screwdriver
I would not stand up with someone that treated me like that. Ditch her.
Tell her if she loves you she will honour your decision not to drink , its your life shes playing with wish you well
Ya sorry to hear that ,but really … fuck em I already been through this and have drifted away from friends I have know for 25+ years if some one is goin to make u choose between I hope it is a no contest for u … you ALWAYS need to choose you first ️
I am so so sorry you are in this position. I was an MOH in a wedding the day before my day one, which was in May. One of the bridesmaids was going through some stuff and wasn’t drinking just to keep a clear head.
We all were drinking except for her, but we made sure she had fizzy water with lemon in her hand at all time. She looks way better in the photos than any of us do.
So I guess I’d suggest sitting down for coffee or tea with your friend and explaining how much you love her and cherish her friendship, but then explain that you can’t drink at the bach or the wedding. It’s not an option. Like if you were pregnant would she make you drink? If you were on a medication that caused allergic reacitions to booze would she make you drink? I’m guessing no unless she’s just bananas. She might just not know how serious this expectation is. People get so swept up in the hype they forget what weddings are about.
Some people just dont get it! Sorry you’ve got to go through this. I would be honest with her, look I love you and you’re my best friend. You saw how bad I got and I get this is your big day. I’m stoked to be able to be here and support you and we both know that my drinking will end up in ruining your special event if I have one so let’s please just change the idea that me having one drink with you is important because it’s truly not. What’s important is I’m here with you to share your love and celebrate it, I will remember it and not ruin your day because I’ll be sober. Good luck to you!!!
This is horrible! she is your best friend! How is she your BEST friend when she acts like that. You know at the end of the day you matter! You need to think of you! If she is a true friend she will understand if she does not then you need to rethink of friendship with her> She should be supporting you not treating you like *(&^!!! So keep your head up high and do not i mean DO NOT give in! Because like i said you came this far and you did this and at the end of the day You are who matters!
Good luck!!
I’m so so sorry- I agree with a one on one conversation with her. I mean if we could all have just one drink we wouldn’t be alcoholics lol. But she might not understand that at all. So maybe give her a little benefit of the doubt for her ignorance. But if she does understand knowing well how this works and still is pressuring you then heck no- I wouldn’t stand for that at all!
If you had an allergy to shellfish, and she was holding the party at an oyster bar, would she insist you have at least a couple on the half-shell, because it’s her party?
Sounds like she’s all about the “Maid” and missed that part about the “Honor”.
Every party needs a “Designated Thinker”, to keep the others from doing something stupid. Someone needs to hold the bail money. Someone needs to make sure the bar tab get paid. Someone needs to make sure that the bride-to-be doesn’t wake up in the bed of some stranger, ruining the marriage before it’s begun. If anything, having a designated thinker should allow the drinkers to have more fun.
I don’t know about you, but me, I’d say “find yourself another Maid of Honor. Clearly, our friendship isn’t as deep as what I thought it was”. Of course, your mileage may vary, and only you can weigh the cost of continuing the relationship.
I just relapsed because of a bachelorette party and I’m regretting it big time. I’m sure you know with your multiple months sober that it’s never really “just one drink”. Your friend isn’t being a very good friend right now. You can still love your friend and hate the behavior she’s showing and she just straight up isnt listening to you. That’s not fair. Hold your ground, friend. I’m sure that is so hard to to through, and I’m sorry you were put in that position. Consider giving her the ultimatum that either you be a part of her life sober or not be a part of it at all.
This. It might be an awkward conversation to have but it’s better to get it out there. Reassure her that you’ll have a great time, you’ll be celebrating with her and you don’t need alcohol to make that happen! In fact if you drink there’s a big chance you will end up ruining her party and you dont want that to happen.
Sounds to me like she is feeling uncomfortable about the amount she is drinking…
Edit - realise I basically repeated what @MandiH said. Great minds eh?! 
I like that, designated thinker. I will be using that one 
Some people find it very hard to understand- in her world a wedding has to have alcohol involved and if not it’s ‘boring’ just go sober and prove her wrong that you are fun and maybe the one who has to pick up the pieces of some drunkard 
I’ve told people at work
“you’re only 30, you’ve got years left before you need to stop”
“You’re fine, it’s not like your drinking in the morning”
Yes but I’m still dependant on alcohol and when I do drink blackout
She definitely didn’t seem appreciative before, she’s acting more so now but idk how much she means it. Yeah, I think I will decide after this weekend if I will be going or not. I just wish she could see I’m doing what’s best for me and my future by not drinking.
You’re definitely right on the resentment part if I did end up drinking because of her. Most days I’m fine without drinking but this situation in particular is making me uneasy when it comes to resisting.
It’s really beginning to bother me because it’s everytime I see her or we go anywhere that she is making a comment about my drinking or saying 'well it’s just one, you can have just one"
Idk if she just doesn’t get it or if she just doesn’t care.