I had gotten sober after Thanksgiving, started dry January early. Planned to get back to the bottle in February. My intentions to try to drink normally have already failed. I’m a “high bottom” drunk. I haven’t lost anything and my life isn’t a disaster. But I’m not a great mom when I’m drinking and the mental obsession is freaking exhausting. I have to figure out how to stay motivated this time. I lose the desperation real quick. How do I keep remembering how shitty I feel today?
16 Likes
Sassy has a great list here (scroll down a bit for the list) -
And don’t give up. Keep asking for help, keep an open mind, take a little action every day, learn a bit, try new things - take it one day at a time and remember: there’s nothing drinking has given you that you can’t get better, sober.
3 Likes
So true, took me awhile to accept this for myself.
3 Likes
You planned to go back to the bottle, this is like saying I wanna quit smoking cigarettes but in two months I want to buy a pack so that I can have them on hand and smoke casually.
It’s essentially setting yourself up for failure, that may have not been your intention but it’s like saying to your spouse you want a divorce so you can get married again.
High end bottoms are good if you can stop there my therapist has an excellent saying that fits the bill, when I first went to rehab I spoke with people who lost everything jobs, homes, families and then there’s me still have all of that make good money and still drank through it all.
He said you haven’t lost everything YET, key word YET meaning Your Elgible Too, I got in before it got too bad, while it was bad, it wasn’t the rock bottom others experience, but I could have end up there soon enough. Keep checking in, and remember your last drink was your last drink, soon enough the mental obsesssion will subside and you’ll be in a better head space in no time
4 Likes
Record a video of yourself to play for your future self when you are sliding back to the bottle.
5 Likes
I did that, it certainly works. I watched my beautiful video blurring drunk in the camera a few times in the first 3-4 weeks…
4 Likes
Welcome back. Your story sounds very familiar. I stay motivated by practicing gratitude every single day right here
Without gratitude I got nothing.
I’m still grateful every morning I wake up sober and hangover free. I never get tired of being grateful for that. And my grown up children. And my pets. And my sobriety.
4 Likes
i made a note on my phone ‘sobriety list’ with all the hungover/life feelings after a binge. i would refer back to it often when i thought ‘what if.’ it’s really helped me and i’m nearing 2 years sober.
5 Likes
I sent myself a letter from jail. I never opened it, just looking at the “Inmate correspondence” stamp on it was enough.
8 Likes
I encourage you to document clearly what happened and how it affected you and others around you in the journal section of this app. I use the journal almost everyday. It helps me identify issues I may not be processing consciously as well as gives me something to reread when needed. I graphically wrote about my last episode drinking before getting sober. When I get thinking how great the good ol’ days were, romanticizing drink, I reread that entry.
4 Likes
In the beginning I wrote it out. I actually STILL have this list and take it with me everywhere I go. When I get into my head or have cravings, sometimes I need something physical to see. My mind gets so powerful or irrational that I can’t “see” clearly on my own. I can justify and rationalize why i want to use. My mind lies to me time and time again. When I would take my list out tho, I would read my Why’s of quitting and I also play the tape to the end… which means remembering how I felt physically and mentally and emotionally when I use.
U have a choice today 
You know how u feel when u pick up… and u don’t like it. You know what to expect when u drink and it never changes. No matter how much sobriety we may have, if we go back to drinking/using, it doesnt change. Realizing that alcohol really serves no purpose and is causing pain in my life helps me alot bcuz at one point I “thot” (here is the lie) that drugs did something for me. They don’t. It’s a lie my mind plays. It’s addiction speaking to me. Shove that little voice down and keep focused on the goal u got this!
1 Like
Write it down!!!
I wrote a letter to myself (I called it Dear Dumbass) and I wrote out all the reasons why I wanted to be sober, how horrible I felt while drinking AND how shitty I felt from the early withdrawal symptoms. I wanted to have record of all my whys AND a reminder as to how bad it is in the beginning so when the lying voice that tells me to drink again I’ll know yo say NO!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!
2 Likes
Well, if you’re like me you reminisce about all the fun times you had drinking. If you’re like me those days are long gone, just distant memories. Ask yourself what memories are you going to create drinking? Will they be favorable? Will you recapture your past?
If your like me the new memories will be bad, the past is gone. I had fun drinking, it was fun until it wasn’t anymore… That ship has sailed, the only thing I’ll find at the bottom of a bottle is regret and remorse. Best wishes to you.
1 Like
Thank you all. I’m feeling broken and desperate but I got with my sponsor tonight which was good. Hoping to make it through this week sober and make a meeting on Friday.
2 Likes
I kind of look at it like an abusive relationship, i can say i want to get away from the negative things associated with it the abuse the beat down feeling, hopelessness, low self worth, despair, anger, regret and self-pity. Soon as i start feeling better about myself and put the distance between me and the drink, get my cofindence back i put myself right back in the bottom of a bottle? We learn how to make the break and just hang on to the hope that we can make it out, ive realized drinking or drugs wont make me feel any better about myself. My substance abuse never did anything positive for me, just like you said it never really did anything bad for you that you were a “high bottom” drunk, but all the same it was just a mask to cover up what really was underneath. Glad you made it back here and are ready to start working on what will work to help keep you sober.
I second the letter! Write yourself a letter about how you feel. Use the notes on the reset function. Really helps. This is the thing that has helped me the most. That and listening to Recovery podcasts and stories as much as possible.