That’s it mate I’ve already had more than enough chances sometimes it baffles me that I’m still here. But I’m truly grateful for that now in understanding just waking up and existing is a blessing in itself.
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Thank you - I am remembering how I felt during the 6 months I managed a year or two ago and what you said there really resonates with that
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Thanks for the kind words. And as it happens I DID have that conversation with my wife last night! She needed to hear how much of a struggle trying to moderate drinking is for me and that the only conclusion I can draw is that it stops completely. She gets it, she wants me to be happy, she wants me to do whatever I feel I need to do and she supports it. So I think that’s going to really help over the coming couple of weeks (which is always the hardest period for me)
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Thank you. Nail on head. As the last drink I had made it completely clear I had reached the point it all needed to stop. At 3pm, sitting in the sunshine I said to myself I am DEFINITELY having these 2 beers from the fridge that were left in there and that was it. 30 mins later the 2 beers were gone and I was pouring a strong gin. Fortunately I was able to be clear headed enough to realise it represented the end of the line for me and alcohol
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This is so true - even when I was being “controlled” (lets say no alcohol Mon-Thurs) - the entire week would be spent gearing up for that moment and desperately trying to do 4 days clean just so I could ‘justify’ going overboard at the weekend. It wastes so much energy on something that ultimately may provide 20 mins relaxation followed by many many hours of misery
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Update 05/08/26 - Couple of false starts in the past 2 weeks. Its a bumpy ride getting going again. I think I am in that push/pull zone between “are we really doing this?” and “I cant do this, its not realistic”. Having 3 weeks annual leave from work is making it harder. Its the whole “where does the release come from if I don’t have this?” debate - mindfulness, meditation or “a quick jog” just has never done it for me
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I can relate to what your saying. I’ve been tricked so many times into thinking I can control my drinking, that a couple won’t hurt. I now recognise that I can only control my first drink, after that all bets are off.
It was taking way more outta me than I was getting from it.
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For me the concept of sobriety is not needing a release in the first place. That requires some pretty deep work that is definitely more than just practicing mindfulness etc. I agree that those are not enough. Usually sobriety is achieved through sustained, daily work that focuses on recovery. This includes a recovery program, addiction counseling and therapy, or outpatient rehab.
I have found that minimal efforts will lead to minimal results. I have yet to find a shortcut to sobriety, and lord knows I spent some time trying to find one.
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How are you doing?
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Welcome back.
I went through a lot of mental gymnastics trying to moderate. And failed. When I decided it was a firm NO MORE, NO MATTER WHAT then I was able to move forward.
It takes work and discipline but it’s worth it, especially as a mom with young kids and teenagers.
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Your whole comment felt like me exactly…
We are definitely rowing the same boat.
Without the advice of an ally, and the support & insights of this community, I’m cooked. That’s why my goal is to be here every day.
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I managed that for 6 months before, and it worked. I went back to alcohol after that because I thought I was ‘cured’ - but its been a rough couple of years since. I’ve had many false dawns in that time trying to kick off sobriety for good again,but my life has more stresses in it than last time I managed it and I am REALLY struggling to get going this time. I failed again yesterday unfortunately so its another day 1. I am just waiting/hoping for things to click - its weird but I can FEEL when I am mentally ready for stopping drinking and I just am not getting that feeling recently (last 2 years) - despite the damage its doing to me
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Waiting and hoping sounds like a recipe for disaster. Grab the reigns and take control of your life. Don’t let alcohol be in charge.
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The longer you drink the more ingrained the habit becomes. It will never get easier to quit than it is right now, it will only get harder. That may sound harsh but it’s the reality of neuroscience.
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I’ve been there… I have literally tried to get sober a thousand times or more.
It sounds like you’re trying to quit once and for all - but, there’s no such thing. It doesn’t work like that (your experience shows that, and so does mine).
We are going to have to learn how to quit every single day, for 24 hours, whether we feel motivated or not.
And, you and I will need to stop fighting AGAINST our addiction so much, and instead, starting fighting FOR something better -
What is your life going to be like when you’re free from slavery to your addiction (harsh term, but that’s what it is)?
What are your relationships going to be like?
What is your self esteem, self image, and self worth going to be like when you’re free from the pull & tug of this current dragging you down?
These are the things you need to think about and chase after - and let THAT motivate you more than just ‘I gotta quit; it’s ruining my life’.
Make a goal for yourself: Whatever time it is where you are, stay sober until you fall asleep tonight - do it for your future self who’s counting on you. Then wake up and repeat that goal each day.
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‘Waiting and hoping is a recipe for disaster.’
‘It’ll never be easier to quit than right now; it only gets harder.‘
Powerful nuggets of wisdom from you both! 
Thank you for sharing!
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Just wanted to say thanks for this comment - you wont have realised how well timed it was as I was on the verge of a reset again just as I read it.
Instead I am now on day 10 - small achievement compared to what I have managed in the past but I am past the 1 week mark which has been so hard to get past the past 2 years. Feel I am on the right track again
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Amazing Day 10 
and it’s not a small achievement at all. Every day is an incredible achievement as powerful temptation comes from unlikely places.
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Hi and welcome back, now also congratulations to your two sober weeks 
. You’ve already got plenty of thoughtful and useful replies here, so I’ll just pick up on one part that really resonated with me:
“My wife has said a few times that she doesn’t think I should give up completely… she thinks people need some kind of release.”
I think this is actually quite common. People close to us often see alcohol through their own experience of it — especially if they’ve never had to question their relationship with it themselves. They may see the pleasant parts: a gin in the sunshine, a drink together in the garden, relaxing after a long day. And from that perspective, giving it up completely can seem unnecessary or even excessive.
But ultimately, only you know what alcohol feels like from the inside. You know the bargaining, the consequences, the way your body and mind respond, and whether drinking is gradually taking more from you than it gives back. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re already paying close attention to those signals. I’d trust that.
One thing I learned the harder way is how convincing alcohol can be when things are going well. For years I was very active, drank relatively moderately, and whenever I stopped for a while I felt so much better that I eventually used that improvement as evidence that there wasn’t really a problem. “See? I’m fine. I can handle this.”
Then circumstances changed, sport temporarily disappeared from my life, drinking increased almost without me noticing how far things were moving, and eventually the consequences were very different — depression, constant fatigue, disappointment in myself, and losing much of the physical condition I had worked hard to build.
I’m not saying your story will be mine. Quite the opposite — I think that’s why listening to your own instincts now matters so much. You don’t need somebody else, even somebody who loves you, to fully understand your relationship with alcohol before you’re allowed to take it seriously.
Maybe the first part of the post below could also be useful in understanding how alcohol actually works and how that process can develop over time.
Be well, you’ve got this 
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Wise words - and thank you for taking the time to share them with me. I appreciate it - and my last serious attempt (6 months) aligns with your words. ‘I’m fine! I will just have a drink at Xmas’ turned into 2 years of heavy drinking and battle.
This time I know what the answer is - and being true to myself on this is what counts
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