Just an update for myself - today I have hit 2 weeks. Doesn’t seem like much but it’s the longest stretch since my 6 month stretch 2 years or so ago. It’s been a long journey back to this position and a lesson to self that thinking I’m ‘cured’ is a major risk not an opportunity. I probably drank more heavily the last 2 years than before the 6 month break and it was becoming incredibly difficult to break the habit as a result
And on that note - all the failed starts over the past year or so where it just seemed like it was impossible (day 3, day 5, day 7 etc) were actually the path to the top of the mountain because after getting past day 7 or so it suddenly became so much easier again.
When I managed the 6 month break it almost felt like I was gliding there after the first month or so. I didn’t need to fight it at all. I can feel I am heading in that direction again and, while I know there will be challenges at times, I cannot see a reason to let this opportunity slip again this time
Onwards to 1 month. Looking forward to checking in again then
I dont want to come off rude and negative here, please trust me when i say that im saying the following because i genuinely want you to get sober and stay that way…
I keep getting the feeling from what you write that you are not fully committing to sobriety, that its against your wishes and commitment feels kinda half baked… i know how hard it is because ive done it myself but i do know that to attain and keep sobriety youve got to really want it from the very bottom of your soul and you have to put the work in to keep it like working out your whys for your drinking and where it all stems from etc through self help work yourself (which is what i did) or some kind of programme…im getting that your trying your best and not drinking but then white knuckling through it til you cant cope anymore because there are no other forms of change to you or your life…nobody can keep that up for any length of time without inevitably relapsing…
As much as I wish there will never come a reason, please prepare for it. Because there is one reason that comes around in many forms and that has many faces. This „reason“ is called addiction.
We‘re in this together and no one can do it only with willpower and logic. Build a massive tool box to fight the sleeping beast when it wakes up again.
Take good care, stay with us! Not everybody is lucky enough to come back.
I certainly have to agree with everything you said…
I tried that ‘whiteknuckling’ for decades with my DOC - and failed every single time.
I never had a core desire to be a different man. I just wanted to avoid negative outcomes and consequences. So, as a result, I never did the work - I never worked on me, as a man, as a human being.
I’ve discovered recently, the only way I can succeed is to work on my inner person, with like-minded folks, on a daily basis.
Hey thanks for taking the time to leave your thoughts. It’s appreciated
im surprised you took from my last post the things you did as I actually feel I am in a very good place and have my head screwed on again - very much focused on where I want to get to. 2 weeks is not long of course, but in the scheme of the last 2 years it is for me.
I don’t really - other than don’t drink! When I get in the right mindset (which I believe I am now) I find it quite easy to not think about or want alcohol. The issue last time I managed 6 months was that I believed I was ‘cured’ and there was no harm having a couple of drinks here and there. That was the mistake - and so this time the plan is to not entertain the thought if it should pop up
Ahh ok, so aslong as your in the right mindset your cool, i get that, but what about when life gives you a different mindset? Which it often does… shit starts to get difficult or something happens, what will you fall back on when your already addiction wired brain tells you to have that drink to take the edge off?
A program dedicated to sobriety, like AA among others, helps us to achieve that “mindset”. We adopt new behaviors and attitudes. Our predisposed responses to situations change. Our basic outlook on life changes.
Waiting or hoping for the right set of internal circumstances to align is a recipe for disaster, as your experience and that of so many others here has proved. When I took responsibility for my thoughts and behaviors and reactions to life, I had to have some structure to use, a framework to build my new psyche around. I learned that hope is a motivation, not a strategy. I learned that facing my fears and sharing them with another man was the way to release them.
It takes a strong commitment to change. For me, I had to get to the point where continuing to drink and live as I had been was worse than the anticipated fear of change and fear of sobriety. We all have that tipping point, it’s just a question of whether we’ll be alive when we reach it.
This is actually a pretty common time for relapse, the 6 month mark @SussexGuy
So that thought WILL pop up again. But now you have ammunition with which to fight those thoughts. I know of people who are 30+ years sober and the thoughts still pop up. For most of us they never go away completely they just become much less frequent and much more manageable. It pisses me off that I let something get that big of a hold on my brain. So I channel that anger into a resolve to never let it get the upper hand again. That motherfucker is not going to win this fight.
Quick update - today marks the 1 month mark. It has been fairly calm. I have noticed a couple of thoughts pop into my head of late though along the lines of “maybe its fine now?” Which of course I know from past experience is definitely not the case. Onwards and Upwards
“I never had a core desire to be a different man. I just wanted to avoid negative outcomes and consequences “
Thank you for sharing this @EthanHunt You just put the words right off my mouth.
I managed to not drink alcohol for almost 2 years and it actually wasn’t that hard to do after a couple of weeks. Then slowly but steadily little thoughts popped in like “ you deserve a glass of wine after that hard day” or “ why not a little Martini tonight just to release some tension” but I said no to myself as I knew it wouldn’t do me any good.
And although I’m quite mindful and clever enough to know better I found myself in a pub one night with a friend having one glass of wine. No harm done. As I was a “ home-alone-drinker” and never get over board in public it was okay having a drink as long as I didn’t drink on my own.
Long story short: it only took a few weeks til I got my first bottle of wine for home and the circle begun. Going on for about two years.
To go back to Ethan’s words I’m still struggling to get into the depths of working on my issues or even realising them. My mindset is clear and from logically thinking I definitely know that I don’t want to drink anymore but like you @SussexGuy I still haven’t found a proper tool to relax sometimes or release tension. I already know it is not alcohol but I’ve got the feeling that I have to dig a bit deeper to moving forward.
Sorry for the long post. Didn’t want to enter your thread but feeling much better now that I’ve got that from my chest. Being so grateful for this community. This pocket family like someone called us is a treasure beyond words.
Thank you everyone for making it possible to get me back to day 74
Hey Anne ! Good to see you, I remember you from when I was here before (July 23 - August 24) I had almost 14 months and the little thoughts you mentioned started, shortly after the year milestone (there’s a lot to be said for milestone malady). For me, it was a wedding - a one-off celebration. Then two weeks later a bottle of wine. And within a month I was bargaining with myself all over again. It took me nearly two years to get back here. Great to see you’re back and have 74 days under your belt X
Its really nice to see you posting Anne!
I can very much relate to this part of ur post:
You know, in early recovery, I had no clue how to handle stress or how to relax or how to handle any sort of emotions basically without drinking or using. I was never really taught how to cope or relax in healthy ways. One thing that did help me in early recovery, however, was writing a list of potential relaxation techniques/activities. When i felt the urge to drink/use bcuz I wanted to just “escape” or relax etc, id go through my list from top to bottom. Not every activity worked every single time. Sometimes id be half way down my list before I started to calm down and unwind. But what was most important, was that I didnt pick up.
I had to learn what worked for me in different scenerios. For example, what i would do for handling stress or wanting to “escape”, may be different from what I would do to just relax or unwind. We learn as we go
Its good to see u posting friend. I hope all is well with u overall
Not at all - thank you very much for posting this on my thread as it sums up past attempts myself so well. It really does boil down to 1 drink, however ‘safe’, ultimately opening the flood gates. Might not be that day, might not be the following week, but it always happens in the end.
it’s why I am focusing on this being permanent this time. I know people say ‘one day at a time’ but I can’t have that uncertainty - I need to know it’s not an option today, or tomorrow, or next week, to really get into the groove.
Your story was a great reminder than time is not a solution. 6 months, a year, 2 years - those timelines still never remove the consequences of letting ‘just this one drink’ slip back in
Welcome back! I literally share your story! I too gave up for 6 months! Felt exactly the same! My husband too thinks I shouldn’t give up completely but I know I share your internal battle! It’s a path I think some of us have to go down to come out stronger! We learn the most from these situations! You are stronger for this experience
I was reading about this exact line of thinking in the big book last night. It’s actually a very common train of thought, that some sober time may change us and bring us back into the realm of self control. But the fact is for “real alcoholics” (as the book describes them) we can recover from alcohol but we never recover self control as it pertains to alcohol. Once we have that first drink our brains literally shift into a mode where we can’t control what happens where others can take it or leave and walk away.
That’s why the focus is avoiding the first drink one day at a time. Instead of thinking about avoiding getting drunk etc. if we just think about avoiding one drink, the first one, the other 99 aren’t a factor.
I was skeptical about meetings my last stretch of sobriety. But this time around I’ve made them part of my plan and I can honestly say something is changing inside of me. If you’ve never given them a try, I would recommend it as so many did to me on here before. Congrats on reaching one month, whatever you do, keep it one day at a time!
Thank you so much for your reply @Butterflymoonwoman That means a lot to me. And I really appreciate your advice. I need to work on my self-efficacy. And writing things down to have them at hand when needed sounds good. I’ll try that.
Have a wonderful day today my dear, sober and clean.We can do it.
today.
X
