Hi all, I’ve been here on and off for the past two years. Did some ‘quitting’ for the last three years but looking back I wasn’t fully committed to stop drinking.
Anyhow, I got a bit older and wiser I guess and I feel prepared this time. (Only day 3, but who’s counting.)
For example, Thursdays are the worst days for me (work related) and one of my standard binge nights. I drove back home and got huge cravings, but I bought a pizza and a bag of chips instead, as I agreed with myself this morning.
I made a pro and cons list and I feel I’m not focussed on counting days like I used to at my previous attempts. I feel more relaxed this time, before I had a sort of feeling like it was a race, only to prove I can live without alcohol.
And at last, I finally admit I can’t drink in moderation, I always thought I could eventually. I gave it up. Somebody wrote: life with alcohol has nothing that a life without it can’t give you. But without the hangovers, the deterioration, the stupid actions and the shame.
I only just started, but I feel confident and at ease.
I will post some of my thoughts and stuff here, as a reminder for myself, a diary, to hold myself accountable.
Good for you for getting back on track, and it sounds like you’ve taken some new steps this time, as well. That’s awesome. 
I can relate to the day counting. It’s like I want to see a specific number to validate myself or my sobriety. It can definitely be counter intuitive to my effort of being more patient, if I’m not careful. Being present is much more preferable.
Exactly. I already have proven I can do 90 days without alcohol, but I was secretly thinking about when I could get to being a ‘normal’ drinker. I didn’t get the memo that it’s not about the goal/the number of days, it’s about the journey to sobriety itself.
Thank you! 
Day 4
Having a bad day, feeling anxious, it started yesterday. I met with a friend and couldn’t find words, I had blurred speach and I was stuttering. Scares the shit out of me.
I planned to do some cleaning and go to the gym today, but Im so tired and don’t feel good. I tried to lift myself up by reading here, but it makes my anxiety even worse.
I had nightmares last couple of nights and sleep paralysis last night. Demons were whispering ‘Satan’ in my ear. Now I think off it, so weird, but kind of funny though.
I’m tired as hell and feel like shit. But, good thing is I don’t feel like drinking. I know I have to go through this and it will get better eventually…
I’m going to be nice to myself by watching a movie and having some 
. Tomorrow is another day, the laundry can wait!
This principle is crucial! Not just love yourself, but love your life. Learn how to live a life that you don’t want to escape from. People who are satisfied don’t search for something to satisfy them. They enjoy what they have.
This is a hard one, not wanting to escape… I have no clue who I am, what I like and what I want in life. Don’t know if I want to live in the city or not, if I want to stay at my job, if I want a relationship or not… I’m happy nor unhappy, but I feel half empty. I need to fill the hole that drinking won’t fill up (anymore). But how, that’s the million dollar question.
My dad just called, we had a nice convo about how happy he is with his ‘simple life’. He was always like that, enjoying the little things in life. I wish I had that too, but I feel really restless the last couple of years. I don’t know what I want, what I like… And how to be at ease with life.
Day 7
After a lazy weekend and some more nightmares I feel well rested. Just went to the gym and did some chores in the house. I finally put the dog bed of my dog of 15 years that I had to put down, into the basement. I’m still sad but I feel the sadness slowly transforming into a feeling of gratitude for the time I had her.
I told one of my best friends about not drinking anymore, but because I had said that before I could here a ‘yeah right’ in his words. He also said no-drinkers are boring (he drinks too much too, so I know where this is coming from). Overall he wished me good luck and took an alcohol free beer in stead of his regular drink, so that’s nice. We’ll see how this week will go. Didn’t have any cravings but I’m still in my quiters high, so I’m prepared for some difficult moments. Every day I’m watching some videos of Alcohol Mastery, my fav YouTuber on the sobriety topic.
I relate a lot to your situation. Going to be watching you progress, as I am on day 7 too. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work… 
Hi 
thanks for the support! Unfortunately I can’t follow you because your profile is hidden, but good luck to you too!
lol, I don’t even know how I can follow people after 2 years on here 
Haha, I don’t think you can do that here, but on an open profile people can see your posts. But no worries, I’m on here a lot these days so I’ll prob will see you around! 
You’ll definitely see people who post a lot.
Well done on getting this far.
Life is all about learning.
You say that you don’t know who you are or what you want to do!
Well, is say this for most people.
But if we live in the now and keep doing the right thing, things have a tendency to fall just how we feel they should.
These feelings are related to the need to be living a fulfilling lifestyle that we see all around us on social media and the TV.
That is my take on it.
As I said, don’t want, just do what you feel is right.
Lyrics on here
“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know
Didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t”
This is so true.
Stick around and interact. Work your sobriety.
Ah, totally forgot about that video, watching it this time hit home and made me cry. You’re right, we have to live in the now. I quit watching social media some time ago, it really triggered my ‘fear of missing out’ and made me feel somewhat inferior. I’d like to discover what I like to do, but might have to be patient about it and enjoy what I have. I am blessed with what I have but seem to forget about it easily, busy wanting more/something else.
Btw, saw your carpentry on one of your threads, it’s amazing!
Thank you! 
I know all about the FOMO.
I don’t know whether its an age thing or just giving up the drink, but I feel the most happy that I am where I am supposed to be.
So, practically all the hopes and dreams I had 30 years ago haven’t happened, but I have a loving family and my health, so far, so I’ll take that.
Yes, that song always chokes me up. I found it again a couple of months ago after 20 years and it made me cry.
20 years ago I just ignored it. Ha, I knew better back then!
How things change.
Maybe it’s the combination of sobriety and age. I feel old now Oh, the blessed ignorance of youth, lol 
Yepppp.
I use to be real bad at doing the right thing because I was always planning for the right thing. I am still doing it on a higher level, and that’s what have kept me drinking (big part of it at least) during the pandemic. Seeing the world stopping while I was supposed to keep doing my things, which looked insignifiant compared to what was happening. I was trying so hard to find a way to help people …in my head. I was planning on how I could do something, write something, but the struggle was so rough at the end of the day I was drinking because I havent been able to act upon my ideas of what is the right thing to do.
On a lower scale, not less important though, I tend to do the same thing with sobriety. And I have to be aware that it does not come back. How many times I’ve waited the right time to quit drinking, the right PLAN, the meaningful date (yep I did that), the perfect pitch… That ain’t working. Because I had to wait until I basically traumatized myself to not drink (and I obviously wouldn’t recommend it, lol). What IS working though and HAD work for me in the past is exactly what you said: doing the right thing in the now. If we keep heading this way, one foot in front of the other, logically if each foot is always in the right place for where we are and how we are… then it would land us right where we need to be…
Thanks for this insightful conversation you had guys and great day to you,
Well put, WCan. Lets keep that in mind! 