I got out of my second stay in rehab at the end of December. It didn’t take long for a traumatic event to catapult me back into my old ways. I told myself I needed a drink to cope, and it would just be for that night. I blinked my eyes and suddenly a month went by and I had been back to drinking daily. Every time I relapse things quickly get way worse than before, my anger was out of control and causing me to lash out and do dangerous things when drinking. I was so close to losing everything in my life I care about. I don’t want my rock bottom to go any lower. I am determined to stay sober because I know if I don’t I will end up in jail, back in an institution, and ultimately dead. I feel so defeated that I let it get to this point again and it really humbled me into realizing I need to prioritize my recovery over all else. I appreciate your time reading this.
Hi Maura! Great to have u back here! Although im sorry uv been going thru alot lately. I agree with u in that recovery has to come before all else. Its a daily reprieve for me, which means i have to work on it daily to keep my addiction at bay. I must never get complacent. Have u developed a plan for moving forward in ur recovery? Things thay can help you to stay sober? Glad ur here with us again. Hope to see u posting more 
When I first logged on here over 5 years ago someone told me that being an alcoholic is like having a broken radio that you can’t turn down. Every time you turn it on you will get more used to the volume and turn it up but you will never be able to turn it back down. Before you know it it is so loud that all it does is hurt you. This journey to sobriety is different for everyone but the one thing the vast majority of us have in common is that there is never just one drink, and there never will be. We can live a life of sobriety or a life of drinking, there is no middle ground on that. Congrats, it sounds like your on your way to understanding that, try as hard as you can to keep that in the forefront of your mind, it will become easier once you accept that part.
It’s a grim realization but it’s also hopeful. Sometimes that stark black-and-white picture is helpful 
Welcome back! It is possible. You are not alone. There are people here on TS and there are people in recovery groups you can learn from: Resources for our recovery
I am so sorry to hear that… every relapse teaches us something… do not be hard on yourself…
Take care my friend!
Maybe try ameeting to help you with your recovery wish you well
I got out of rehab 2 years ago and pretty much slipped back into drinking. It hasn’t gotten as bad but it certainly is an all consuming issue. The guilt, shame, lying and depression are constantly there.
It’s been 5 days without drinking and I’m really trying to follow through with positive changes.
It sucks to continue to deal with this but the flip side is far worse. Hang in there.
I stopped drinking because I honestly don’t believeI have another recovery in me. Every time I stopped and started up again, I drank so much more, like I had to make up for lost alcohol. My last rock bottom was so bad. I don’t ever want to go lower than that. So I quit for good. I don’t trust myself with even a sip because I’d probably die from alcohol poisoning.
You can do it. Stay sober today, and tomorrow too.