Betrayed my best friend

Update to my original post.

I’ve included an update

Please see my update.

I’m sorry :pensive: we’re all here for you…I know it’s nothing like your husband. You did the right thing. You did the right thing.

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No offense, but what should his reaction be? Yes, it’s great that you had 10 months and hopefully you can get there again (I suggest a program so that you don’t pick up at the first sign of temptation this time), but it seems that you taught him everything he needed to know. You showed him that after 10 months nothing changed. I really want the best for you, but it’s not his responsibility to learn about addiction. It’s your responsibility to show him that recovery is possible. Hopefully he gives you another chance, but that chance needs to be earned. If you have any questions about working a program, let us know. We can definitely give you some advice there.

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Heya Karci, sorry to hear about your situation.
You’ve had some great advice on here so far. One thing I wanted to reiterate is that you need to do this for you. For so many years I tried to ‘sort myself out’ because I was either scared of losing, or didn’t want to hurt the people I love most in the world. As a result I lost most of them, it just isn’t sustainable to stay sober for others. It’s the right action but for the wrong reason.
I’ve heard many many stories of other people experiencing similar to what I have. There’s a saying you may have heard, ‘anything you put before your recovery you will eventually lose anyway’. That includes people. Your friend sounds like a wonderful person. I’m positive that what she wants to see more than anything, certainly what she wants more than an apology, is you on the path of recovery. The same goes for your husband regardless of how upset or angry he is.
You fucked up, you’re owning it, you can get through this and come out with an amazing life!
Take care <3

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My last therapist wanted me to do out patient. I looked into it, it’s a big commitment but seems like people do have success. My addict brain tells me I’m not that bad and that’s so extreme.

Given your current situation it really doesn’t seem all that big. If you want everything to get better you have to work for it. You had 10 months sober and it took one tiny temptation for you to relapse so what are you going to do differently this time? If you know it’s your addict brain telling you it’s not that bad then you should do the opposite of what it’s saying.

Addiction is like a parasite, and you are the host. Its going to keep doing what ever it takes to keep you feeding it. It is telling your brain to tell you that it isnt that bad. You have to kill the parasite before it kills you. Sounds like your therapist is trying to give you the tools. Out patient will help you break the cycle of addiction.

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The advice given after your update is spot on. People who are not alcoholics/addicts really don’t care about our clean time. In their minds, we never should have let it taken control in the first place. It’s like being overweight. I’ll never be able to understand the struggle people have with food. I can limit what i eat without any problems. I have a metabolism that allows me to eat anything i want and not have to worry about gaining weight. I have the same pant size at 51 as I did in high school. The same goes for us. Addiction is addiction and it all revolves around something taking over our lives. I went into rehab for my family, but i realized that unless I did it for me, I’d never recover. When I did it for me, everything else fell into place. I haven’t asked for people to trust in me because my words proved to be worthless. I let my actions soeak for me, and they do a much better job at showing we can recover. You need to get clean whether you stay married or not. Remember we’re here to help when we can.

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Listening to you rant i got this out of it… You excused n defended your relapse to the epidemic. You either want it or not. Temping the beast can lead to consequenses no matter how much time you had sober . Your always an addict forever. You can be active or inactive. If you were sober you wouldnt have these consequenses or problems. Looks like life of sobriety tempted you and you took the bait with no remorse…

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My wife left me twice. The second time she was “done”. She took our daughter and rly was done. I got so far out there and sank so low I finally understood what it meant to want it for yourself. I started working a program and I started to be me again. She saw that and today we are better than ever. Its never too late to change. We have show ppl the change in us because our words have lost all value

Karci, i’m so sorry for what you are going through, and for what it’s worth, I did an outpatient day program for about 8 weeks, from about 9 to 1 each day, and loved it. The classes were about something different every day and were not condescending, they were actually really helpful. And the group therapy was incredible, I made some friends that I still keep in touch with. So if you can find a program that sounds like it could work for you, you’re not having to go away from your life completely, and not for very long in the great scheme of things. My insurance covered most of it, so check on that, too. I hope this helps, and I’m sending you love! Stay strong! :heart:

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I could do one it’s from 4-8 pm. But I get off at 3 pm. I have 3 kids under 6 years old. I wonder if I could go on short term disability or take a leave of absence or something? I just don’t know

That is a tough one - but if you do have a short term disability plan that you pay into, I would definitely check to see whether this falls under the umbrella!