Update:
I told my husband and he was really upset. Started threatening to leave me. Says he doesn’t know me. Says he absolutely cannot believe he is married to someone who steals. Seems like he wants out. And I get it. I’ve done this over and over. It upsets me that he discounts the 10 months I did have. He just doesn’t understand. It’s like hello have you seen the news? Have you been paying attention at all?! This is an epidemic and people are dying! He’s never bothered to learn one damn thing about addicts. As for my best friend whom I stole from she says she won’t give up on me and she loves me. I can’t believe she’s offering me grace. Not sure where to go from here.
Hi guys I’m back. I was doing great for a good while. Had about 10 months without a single pill. My best friend and her husband came over on Friday night. She was in a car wreck and I knew she probably had pills in her purse. I was right. And I stole them. I’m disappointed in myself and totally embarrassed. She called me out the next morning and is very very mad. I don’t even know how or if I can make this right. I’m concerned about my relapse but I’m more concerned about my friendship. God this sucks. I’ve said sorry and brought her flowers this morning. I’m pretty sure it’s over though. Guys what do I do? What can I do? Help.
Don’t know how to help fix ur friend problem but your relapse you should be doing something about. I’m not in any way the poster child of sobriety, but relapse sucks and you may not have her as a friend anymore. Maybe u will who knows . It was a pretty crappy thing u did but u are an addict and that’s typically what addict do. Selfish and self centered. Starting over in ur recovery is the first step. Don’t let this become the start of yet another ugly trend of non stop drug use . Getting clean is tough enough. It’s good that you care and show remorse for what you did , shows you have a soul and some morals . Give it time and you will have to make amends, and flowers don’t cut it in my opinion the next day. However. If u truly value your friendship with her , idk if u can replace the medication. You’re lucky she didn’t press charges . I’m sorry you are dealing w this situation. I hope and pray for the best. But I’d be more concerned about the fact that you relapsed after 10 months. Focus on that and make sure u don’t continue to use .
I offered to replace the medicine but she declined because she doesn’t want me calling any dealers or anything like that. She basically won’t speak to me and just says, get help.
Good friend in my opinion, glad she decided not to have u replace bc she is right above it u calling dealers and getting back into that. Give it time. She will probably forgive you. If she is indeed a true friend. Right now focus on YOU! And not using again.
In my active addition, i stole every pill i could get my hands on. When I was confronted about the theft I would make a feeble explanation on why i didn’t do it, but we both knew i was lying. No one ever called the cops, but u sure deserved it. I lost a next door neighbor as a friend and i feel terrible about it. He had pills for a major injury and i swiped them while helping him fix a leaky sink. I’ve been clean 343 days now and nothing has changed. He still hates me and I deserve it. The only advice I can give is when you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, RUN. I had to do that recently at my uncle’s house. He has cancer and have literally thousands of pain pills just laying around. When I saw that, my mouth started watering and i started to shake. I got out of there quick. You can’t allow yourself to be in that situation again. There’s nothing you can do about this recent event but you can have an escape plan for future event. Focus on recovery for yourself not fixing a friendship. Fix the first and possibly the latter will heal given time.
Thanks. I just feel so low. The worst is that she actually has a fractured wrist and I know she’s in pain. I decided that my need to get high is more important than her fractured wrist!! That’s pretty bad.
You can’t fix it, but you can be on the path of healing. It will take time and the result is uncertain. I’m sorry you and her are going through this.
It sounds like she wants space for now, and for you to get your sobriety back in control. I’d have to agree, sobriety should be your #1 focus, and with that you’ll be in a better place later on to make amends. It sounds like your sobriety is the first thing both of you need to see to move on to further healing on both your parts. Stopping the bleed before mopping up the mess. At this stage sobriety is the only apology with any weight behind it.
With more solid sobriety on your part, and time to trust it, that will allow her to open herself up more to be able to see the good you’re trying to do for the relationship. I have someone in my life who I’d like to repair the relationship with, but I too have to regain trust before the repair can work. I struggle with the patience aspect, and humility, but I know it’s worth it.
There is a reason we are tild to do the steps in order. Trying to do step 9 (making amends) without to other 8 is a disaster waiting to happen in almost every situation. If you attempt that now, i guarantee it will be for the wrong reasons. Get unto a riom, get a sponsor, start your steps with that sponsor who will guide you. I don’t rely solely on the steps but i couldn’t stay clean without them very easily
So you want things to get better with your friend, but you won’t do the only thing she’s asked of you? Kinda sounds like you want forgiveness to make yourself feel better rather than to make your friend feel better. If she asked you to come clean to your husband (which is the honest thing to do anyway) then it kinda seems like a no-brainer.
Ive been in that situation. Ive taken pills from every family memeber i have and got caught a couple of times by my mom and sister. Do what she suggested. Get help and work your program and things will get better. Good luck.
Kind of. I want forgiveness so I can get amped to try to help myself? I don’t know. Right now I feel like spiraling because of this. I don’t know what I want other than to stop hurting people.
Ultimately, you need to do this for yourself. Trying to do this on the sly without help, especially from your spouse is almost setting yourself up for failure. Non-addicts don’t understand what it’s like to be an addict but they can help by supporting you. They can support you through the difficult first stages, and also keep you accountable. I tried many, many times to get off the pills by myself, and it didn’t work. I hid my addiction from my wife for our entire 18 year marriage and it almost ended us when she found out. Accountability is the key to success. Though not guaranteed, it sure beats going through the withdrawals and cravings alone. You mentioned you had a 10+ month clean streak, did your husband know? I’m trying to get a clearer understanding of the whole picture so those of who have been there can give you the best advice possible.
Yes he knows. He helped me get sober. I will tell him it’s just he’s going to be so devistated. And he’ll also be embarrassed that I (his wife) did that. We are just barely barely back to normal and this will set us way back and I just can’t take it. I’ve been doing this for 10 years.
You can, and should, forgive yourself, but you need to earn it from your friend. That takes time, and a lot of hard work on your end. You need to get sober to earn forgiveness, not get forgiven to earn sobriety.
I think by keeping it to yourself you’re silencing your needs and allowing those addictive behaviors to creep back in. If you keep it in what will that do to your inner dialogue and psyche?
All my indiscretions against my husband and my family (that were caused by alcohol and also not recognizing my responsibility in things) I would keep to myself and then continue to drown those guilt feelings with alcohol which in turn would lead me right back to making poor choices. It was such a bad cycle and I honestly truly felt terrible about it, but kept repeating my actions because addiction weaves it’s web and you feel helpless in it. Breaking that cycle by being honest to yourself, to your husband, to your friend really gives you the power back.
I can’t imagine what it feels like to have this addiction… But I know what it feels like to be lied to about it over and over. By coming clean you are admitting responsibility, respecting your husband, and telling everyone you care about/who cares about you that you realize how serious this is.
Also, those 10 months didn’t disappear… You accomplished a lot in that time. Don’t dismiss it Karci
My wife was also embarrassed when she found out i dtole from my neighbor. And to make it worse, she found out when i was in rehab, so i wasn’t even home. The explanation had to come over the phone. I do not envy what you have ahead of you, but this too shall pass. Just keep focused in what the end game is.
