Day 890 : No binge today.
Day 226 : No coffee today.
Day 890 : No binge today.
Wow 890 days without binge eating. I can’t even make it 8 days!! Congratulations
@Angelbaby congratulations to you for all you have accomplished … your sobriety, your running and also for reaching out about the bingeing.
I see that once in the past that you posted that you were getting ready to binge eat and that’s great I didn’t open up the post or read the comments. I know personally for me unfortunately about two weeks ago or three I opened up a pack of cookies that I have been in front of me for months and months and months and just blatantly one at a time ate a half pack. I hardly ever have sweets and when I do if they’re in my possession I can’t have just one.
I thought I could but you know how it goes I didn’t. I even thought to myself you should post on the site and say help somebody help me stop me and I thought I’d rather eat the cookies so that’s a major cookie monster at work. I’ve wanted to post about it sometime I just never have done it. I count calories it’s not doing me any good I gained 4 or 5 pounds, really more, really 7 and I can’t lose it. In the case of the cookies I totaled up what the calories were, and added them into my calorie counter for say the next four or five days. Let’s say it was 1200 cal. I took 300 cal off of the next four days to account for them.
It’s difficult. I don’t have a sugar counter going because I basically don’t eat sugar. I don’t have it in my house I don’t as a rule eat it. But my goal is not to not eat sugar ever ever. My goal is to be able to have sugar without eating all of it. Maybe three times a year? I also have the same problem with cheese. What I have done with cheese is get small containers of fat free. The total calories are 225 or something so if I eat the whole thing it’s OK. Calorie wise it’s less calories than cottage cheese. I have a problem with cottage cheese also. I want the whole container.
I do have the cheese and the cookies outside my house and usually it’s not a trigger to me and it’s not something that I want.
Like I said about these cookies they were where they were for months and months and months and months and months and I never thought once about eating them until I decided to open the package and just have one.
While I was riding 20 miles on a bicycle, I understand.
There’s another runner on this thread who has worked hard on controlling her binging.
Actually there’s two runners at least, one a new runner.
Hello @Alisa , thank you for mentioning me. I am sorry to hear you had struggle recently. We all sometimes struggle, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I believe you will get back on track If there’s anything I could help with, let me know!
Now to your post @Angelbaby
Yes, I’m an active and passionate runner. I also do lots of cycling and hiking. I love being outdoor and move my body. I’m an ‘ex-alcoholic’ and I used to suffer from bulimia. I managed to stop purgin after food but until a year ago I still had problem with binge eating.
It was to extend when I needed to find a professional help, because I couldn’t figure out what to do. The eating disorder started to be exhausting and over taking my life. Affecting my relationships and everything I was doing. I was constantly thinking about food, about when I can eat again, what I’ll eat, what I shouldn’t eat, then I would binge and I’d ended up self-shaming and hating myself. I didn’t want to be like this anymore and fortunately the therapist helped me. She helped me to understand WHY I am having eating disorder - from the physical side of the problem as well as from the mental perspective.
I am very happy to share what I’ve discovered and which tools helped me.
Firstly, I must mention, that the journey wasn’t easy one. It required my concentration, devotion and willingness to work on myself and my habits. Re-wiring the brain and letting go our false beliefs can be really hard and you need to be willing to trust the proces and have an opened mind.
To give you an example, I didn’t really want to eat as much as I was supposed to because I was scared of gaining weight. I could have easily cheat, eat less and lie to my therapist about it. But I was really desperate to change the state I was at and get better, so I decided to commit and follow ANYTHING I’ve been adviced to do. No matter how much I didn’t like it. I said to myself that I can always go back to my old habits at any time. But I needed to at least try and I’m happy that I did!
The first thing I learnt seemed basic and it suddenly made sense once I heard it. The biggest mistake which MOST OF US do is that we don’t eat ENOUGH during the day. The reasons why can be various, but the most common are trying out a diet, feeling a guilt from previous binging, so we want to ‘take back’ the calories (like you after eating the cookies, @Alisa), not having the right nutritions, etc. I believe we all know what I’m talking about. Many times I was thinking about how ‘well’ and ‘healthy’ I ate during the day and then I ‘f*cked it up’ in the evening. But the reality was that I didn’t eat enough.
Here comes the explanation of the most common reasons why we binge:
I already mentioned that our brain is smart, didn’t I? It also wants the best for us (like our parents ) and it will always do anything to save us from dying. So if we don’t eat enough for longer period of time, the brain will get worried of possible starvation and will try to prevent it. There are many ways how our body starts react, such as that our metabolismus will slow down, resolving in slower calories burn (that’s why eating less doesn’t always equals weight loss). The body will start storing the fat more (sure you already heard about it) and it will do its best to force us to eat! And that’s when we binge. That’s why the urges are so strong. Our brain is super powerful and even with the strongest willpower we can’t really fight it. Not long term anyway. The brain will be sending urges to eat as often until we eventually give up. And we’re in such state mentally that we lose control and binge. And why don’t we at least don’t binge on something healthier than sugar? Because sugar contains high amount of calories (energy) and so it’s the best thing to go for as an emergency food. Doesn’t it all make perfect sense?
RULE NO. 1:
Eat enough and eat food rich on nutritions you need through the day. Morning to evening.
Second thing I learnt was that I needed to start eating regularly if I wanted to ensure that I’m eating enough and nutritions I needed. Especially as an athlete I need to make sure my body’s getting all it needs. The hardest thing for me personally was eating even when I wasn’t hungry. Before my theraphy I used to skip breakfast, hence I was never hungry in the morning. Turns out that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It starts our metabolismus. Suddenly I was suppose to have a proper breakfast every morning and believe me, I had to force it from the beginning. Imagine me feeling full and having to eat. It felt like I’m getting fat with every bite. But I did it, I did every day and soon my body started to be hungry at my breakfast time. So it gets easier. And I didn’t gain any weight from it just by the way.
You should plan your meals and timing ahead and try to have a routine. The routine doesn’t need to be for life but it is very important for the beginning when you’re adopting new habits. It will help your brain to understand that it doesn’t even have to be scared of starvation anymore and so your body can be re-programmed and switched from emergency mode to a normal mode again. BUT - you must be patient. This doesn’t happen overnight. To me it took about 6 months before my metabolismus came to normal. However, I could gradually see small changes alongside my journey and that helped me to stay motivated and to trust the process.
I was also advised to keep a written track of what and when I ate and how I felt about it. This helps with acknowledging how you actually feel. Sometimes you discover thoughts and feelings you didn’t even know you had. It also helps to recognise what triggers you to binge. E.g. mine major one was that I craved food after a hard day when I felt tired at the end of the day. I would have never noticed it if I didn’t sit down and wrote about it.
Not to forget, yes, breakfast is the most important food of the day, but so is a dinner for a person who suffers from binge eating. Please, make sure you have a proper dinner and that you feel full after it.
RULE NO. 2:
Plan your meals and time when to eat. Make sure you have at least 3 proper meals a day (breakfast, lunch and dinner ). Have a routine and try to eat your meals every day at same(ish) time. And write a diary about it. You can share your thoughts here if you want a feedback.
These were my first two steps I did with my therapist and after I adapted them we looked into my reasons why I started this unhelthy cycle of not eating enough and binging and purging at the first place. But that’s another story…
I would like to remind you to be kind to yourself.
Remember that recovery is a journey and you can slip. I did few times and I wrote about it to my diary and thought about why it happened, so I knew for next time. But I didn’t beat myself up or call myself names about it anymore.
If it happens and you slip, the most important thing is to forgive yourself and continue your journey like it didn’t happen! Treat every day like a new day, e.g. if you binged a night before, don’t skip a breakfast to make up for it. You won’t gain 10kg from one ocassional binging. Really, I promise. I was there!
I would also like to encourage you by saying that this simple thing - eating normally and enough - significantly changed my life. I feel much better, I have more control over food and thoughts about it and it gives me freedom and peace on my mind. I’m much more satisfied, happier, I like my body and I’m healthier (I had few health problems which dissapeared, like troubles with sleeping, waking up feeling dizzy, shortness of breath, panic attacks during night, etc.)
To give you perspective, I am going to be 35 in July and I started this journey approximately a year ago. It was the best I could have done for myself and I will never regret it. And even though it’s still not 100% perfect I am at much better place than I’ve ever been.
Any questions - please ask.
Good luck, hope this helps
Thank you so much!
Day 891 : No binge today.
Day 227 : No coffee today.
Day 892 : No binge today.
Day 228 : No coffee today.
Day 893 : No binge today.
Day 229 : No coffee today.
I rarely post here anymore, but I follow along each day and am so impressed with you!
As for me I have 40 days of not restricting food.
You are really inspiring @Aleyadaisey
Thank you so much, Scorpn! Glad I could inspire you.
Day 894 : No binge today.
Day 230 : No coffee today.
Day 895 : No binge today.
Day 231 : No coffee today.
Stress in my relationship made me binge yesterday. I know that is no excuse. It was not too bad volume wise, so want to get right back on the right track.
Sorry to hear about your relationship issues. Don’t give up, you can get back on track. I believe in you!
Day 896 : No binge today.
Day 232 : No coffee today.
Day 897 : No binge today.
Day 233 : No coffee today.
Day 898 : No binge today.
Day 234 : No coffee today.
Joining you. Few days ago I decided to recovery from bulimia.
Checking in. Did for myself croissants! They are so good.
Yum! Those sound so good! Welcome to the thread, nastya_is_fighting! I hope you find this thread helpful/inspiring to your recovery.
Day 899 : No binge today. Holy moly, almost 900 days! I am so excited!
Day 235 : No coffee today.