I just realised that Iāve got diagnoses of this horrible never-ending illness - acute bronchitis.
Iām 100% better than where I was 2 weeks ago, but still not fit to exercise.
Iām shocked writing it down but Iām grateful for this illness. For years I was extremely committed to any kind of exercise in every day, rarely Iād have a day off and do literally nothing. Sport kept me busy and even when I was injured, there was always something I could do, so I never really had time to reflect on my lifestyle.
I had this hidden fear that if I stop moving, Iāll get fat. I donāt own a scale and so I donāt know if my weight changed, but even after 2 weeks of very relaxed life I donāt feel fatter or uncomfortable in my body. I still feel good, maybe even better because Iām finally getting enough sleep when Iām not getting up of the bed at insane hour in the morning to do my cardio.
I can see clearly now that my sleep deficit - result of sacrifice to exercise - influenced my immunity and why I got ill more than other people around me. My body had to stop me, because I otherwise never would.
I love exercise, but I certainly didnāt love the amount of it I was doing. Some days I pushed myself just to have it done and tick the box. Even though it might be admirable the devotion, persistency and discipline I have, it was driven by ED and fear - not a good reasons. I proved myself that I have one hell of willpower to keep going, and I decided to spread my energy a little bit to other areas of my life and balance all the hard work with more nourishment and relax in my day to day life.
Itās liberating to find such inner peace and not feel under pressure anymore. Itās so good to know that I have to do nothing and that I can do anything. That this is my life and it will be like I make it. Itās all up to me, thereās no need of fearā¦
Yuhh i heard about it too but i still try and thanks for welcoming me! Iām Out and i started HRT a year ago but i already Had Problems with my eating Habits years before and yea i Gotta be more Patient since HRT May Change my fat redistribution (for good) ik my Body will stay feminine No Matter how much iād lose but losing would also make my Body appears less round and soft + If i work Out i can build Up a more masculine shape
Iām Not the best when IT comes to explanation i know this isnāt the right way iām trying to imrpove, and all the best for you too! <3
Iām so glad you finally have an answer as to why you felt so ill, @Jana1988, and that youāre starting to feel better.
Almost to the double digits for UPF and gluten, @acromouse! Keep it up!
@Lucfurfur I know having an eating disorder and being trans is especially tough, are you able to find a therapist that is LGBTQIA+ affirming? Also eating just once a day is something I used to do too, it always backfired into a binge / b/p. Itās a painful cycle thatās hard to break once you start. Weāre here for you, and admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. You can do this.
@Jana1988 Iām really sorry you are still bothered by your bronchitis. Had it earlier this year myself and it really took a long time to recover from. Sending you all the healing vibes
And I really dig your insights about your realtionship with eating and exercise I am so curious where this journes will take you next. But as you wrote: Towards freedom @Lucfurfur Nice streak you are building here with binge free days.
212 sugar
76 UPF
83 gluten
62 dairy
24 overeating
Today marks my 7 months of no sugar. Freedom is wonderful
@Faugxh, thatās a better way to word it, āthe joy of identifyingā just wondering where I might find the show notes? Iām listening via Audible and cant find any on there, Iāve checked on Spotify too and canāt find any there either @Lucfurfur welcome to this thread Iām trans too, and Iām also very obese, so I can relate to the āround and softā feeling. Since youāve started HRT so young, there is a good chance you will have the changes that will help you feel less dysphoric.
33 days no takeaways.
8 days no crisps.
7 days no binge-eating.
2 days no sugar.
No urges, no cravings. I have abused laxatives a couple of times after meals this week, because I canāt stand the full feeling, or maybe itās the guilt/shame I feel after eating a real food meal. It could also be because I have gained another 8lbs this week so far, making me the heaviest Iāve been since the 14th of January. I was supposed to be 6st lighter by now. Regardless, I know the most important part is not binge-eating, so I will stay focused on that.
Iām glad to hear this. It is great you are discovering about yourself. Recovery from ED is a lifelong thing, I think, but it seems you are making progress.
@CATMANCAM The āsupposed to beā thinking will get you nowhere. I really do understand the shame and regret, but the past is the past. You are where you are now, and you need to focus on today. As you say, not binging and maybe whatever movement you can manage is the focus for now.
Eating is going well for me at the moment. I am not binging or restricting, eating moderating focusing on getting enough protein and veg, and not tripping out over the Costco haul.
They started out w the German podcast RƤtsel des UnbewuĆten. Especially the early episodes they redid in the English version podcast in the same order I think. You can look up the shownotes/further reading for the German episodes and especially the classical psychoanalytic material youāll find in English in your library or wherever, translated. The German one also has a patreon, idk if the English pod also does.
Edit I use the podcast player podcast addict and I just checked, it shows the shownotes for the English pod. Itās free.
Thank you @acromouse I like the bird you used as an expression of freedom
Congratulations on your 7 months dodging sugar, thatās so impressive Does it feel easy now??
@Misokatsu Thank you, I hope I am making progress. I am also thinking that I maybe didnāt eat enough when I exercised, because I struggled a lot not to binge. Besides now itās much easier. Not easy, I get cravings, but itās nothing like what I experienced before Definitely a thing to keep an eye on when I go back to exercise.
Glad to hear that youāre doing well too. I remember that you also struggled for a while, especially when eating your kidās leftovers or snacks. I am so pleased for you
@Aleyadaisey & @Faugxh I am always impressed by your knowledge of āspecialā stuff and terms, like I didnāt even think about that being a trans can influence the recovery. But once you put wrote it down it makes sense
@CATMANCAM What a nice number of not takeaways is hanging out there for you 7 days no binge is also impressive, congratulations on your 1 week Keep it up
Right now when I am around any kind of āsweet stuffā there is still a slight experience of uneasiness and discomfort there. So I prefer not to have the stuff around me. Though I am not sure how much the packaging plays into it. Cause when people put it into a bowl I donāt feel as triggered as when I see the bright packaging. And I know that the packaging is designed to have this triggering effect on people. So that is that.
But apart from this discomfort my brain just shovels this experience into āfalse alarm - nothing to concern yourself withā territory. Like when you hear some sound or see something out of the corner of your eye that attracts your attention and at the same time your mind has already decided that this is of no concern for you. If youād put brussels sprouts on the table it would have the same effect for me. Itās edible, but I canāt stand it.
So yeah. At this point it is easy.
TW sweets, cakes and stuff:
I am planning a small birthday get together with my family for tomorrow. So today I want with my daughter to buy cake for the occasion. The real deal in a German cake crafts confectionery. The stuff is basically artisanal at this point. I have it in the fridge. Nine different varieties. It has at no point crossed my mind to even consider eating any of it. It just does not register as food for me.
That is great. Iām thinking to try and quit sweet snacks, like ice-creams and different chocolate bars, biscuits, etc. Just for a month to see how I feel and to make it achievable for myself.
I was thinking start tomorrow, just because it is 20th so it should be easy date to remember.
Itās my bāday 12.7. so Iād have to get through my bāday wthout sweets as well. It sounds like a challenge but by that point Iād be already few days in and so it should be easier for me to say noā¦
Iām not sure if I can do this, but may give it a go. Because thereās no point in waiting for ābetter timeā, as thereās never ābetter timeā and always somethingā¦ Itās like with break up
@Misokatsu you are right. Yes, movement, I am motivated to start with it again. @Faugxh ah yes, further reading has a link here and there. Iāve discovered a lot of interesting stuff now, I read for 3hrs yesterday, thank you @Jana1988 thank you @acromouse that must feel amazing to have gotten to this stage enjoy your birthday celebration!
34 days no takeaways.
9 days no crisps.
8 days no binge-eating.
3 days no sugar.
I did it, I walked to the fitness centre and had the conversation with a member of the membership team! We couldnāt access the seperate room unfortunately, but I learned that Iād still have to use the same showers, and Iād still have to walk back into the main changing area to put my stuff in a locker, so it wouldnāt make much difference than changing in one of the small corner cubicles anyway. Being in the changing room bought all of the awful feelings back. It has been 3 years. The man suggested that he give me 2 complimentary passes to use, at my leisure, to see how I get on, before committing to a contract. I agreed this was a good idea. The pool was quiet and looked so calming and inviting, I really wished Iād taken my swimming stuff, but nevermind.
As awful as the feelings and flashbacks were, I do feel ready to fight for my health, so I am hoping to use one of the passes to go to the gym and swimming either today (Sunday), or one day next week.
Yes! Iām visiting a mental Hospital next month to imrpove my eating Habits, iām really looking Forward to It and my therapists are lgbtqia+ friendly luckily ^^ thanks for helping tho have a good day! <3
Tysm!! Iām Glad you understand me and i Get you tho itās painful, it will Get better for Sure and i Wish you all the best stay focused and motivated as Well <3
@Jana1988 If you feel up to it, try the āno sugarā challenge. Iād just consider how much of an restriction this might be. Is this just another way to try to control food intake? Could it jeopardize your progress in not bingeing? Iām not suggesting it should be so, just to ask yourself if this will be helpful to your progress in this new kind of self care. @CATMANCAM Congrats on tackling this difficult situation at the gym. Swimming sounds nice. Is it something you enjoy?
And really love, give yourself some love. You really deserve it. You are such a great and caring person. Give some of this care to yourself
@CATMANCAM Wow! This is such a huge progress!!! That is so so so nice and great to read!!! Well done for overcoming your fear and going to gym Iām impressed Really happy for you
Itās also very encouraging to hear that the gym is considering and understanding your insecurities and needs and even though theyāre not equipped in the way you need, they still try to do something for you. Itās so kind of them. Iām glad youāre going to give it a go and try. I really wish it works for you
Thinking of you and wishing you good luck my friend
Good shout out @acromouse I know what you mean and itās a great question.
Thinking about it, no, I donāt think itās ED wanting me to lower my calory intake. Itās more about that if I binge on something itās always this sugary stuff and once I have it, it ALWAYS makes me to want more. So I think the avoidance of it could make it easier for me. But thatās only if manage not to eat it
I canāt do full not eating it ever again because I need these snacks on my long cycling trips. I have booked 200km race in August and I would be exhausted and not able to complete if I donāt have sugar every so often during it.
But Iād like to eat sweets only very rarely.
My expectations are to do month without it for beginning, I know that Iāll feel so much better without it (because I always did) and hopefully that would motivate me to do more. I also like how e.g. fruit gets suddenly sweeter when I donāt eat sugar
Hey everyone. I just needed to get this out of my head and ontoā¦ Paper?
Iām nearly at 100 days AF. Super proud, grateful and surprised that Iām this far. Iām realising Iām doing the same thing at night as I lay in bed, that I did when I was drinking. The same thing that I did when I was smoking. This time itās about binge eating.
That thing is, telling myself that tomorrow is the day I do better, that Iāll change. Only this time I am saying I will stop eating so much crap. That Iāll eat better, not have takeaways and not have the biscuits and chocolates after dinner.
Iām glad Iām doing this, because itās the first step for me towards quitting like it was for cigarettes and alcohol. Iām actually pretty scared about this one though. I saw someone say that food addiction is so hard because itās something you still have to do every day - eat.
Iām also terrified that prior to quitting alcohol and cigarettes, I spent years telling myself that tomorrow is the day Iāll quit. I donāt think I can do a year or more of the way Iām eating. Probably not even a few months. Im not a huge guy, but Iām the heaviest Iāve ever been.
I am definitely replacing alcohol with food and sugar and I am getting really scared as I can feel like I am getting worse the more I try to be better.
I am so curious where this journes will take you next. But as you wrote: Towards freedom 
Regardless, I know the most important part is not binge-eating, so I will stay focused on that.
Does it feel easy now??
7 days no binge is also impressive, congratulations on your 1 week 
enjoy your birthday celebration! 
