Day 15: no binging
Phew, 15 days! I almost relapsed yesterday… 
Here’s the story…:
A while ago I bought myself dried bananas to be adding them to my yoghurt and that’s how I was using them until yesterday. Yesterday I did very high intensity training for 40mins in the morning and so I felt that I can and should eat more during the day and therefore I allowed myself snacks. I was doing ok through the day until evening came (it’s always the evening…). It’s been a very busy day and so I made the first mistake and ate in the living room whilst watching TV 
Big no no!!
I wanted something else after the dinner despite acknowledging that I’m not hungry anymore. I went for some nuts and then I saw the bananas. I knew that I shouldn’t touch them, because they have lots of sugar and hence they are dangerous for me to be eaten as a treat. So I don’t know why I took them anyway. I was going through the package in quite admirable pace when I noticed it and stopped myself 
I’m glad that I managed to stop, because I would 100% regret this. What’s interesting that I got a small Valentine’s cake from my friend and because it’s so prohibited in my head I didn’t even think to touch it even though it’s displayed in the kitchen constantly on my eyes 
What I’ve learnt:
a) I didn’t listen my podcast even once yesterday and I decided that I should listen at least an episode a day, ideally close to the evening. I’ll make it my rule.
b) I broke my rule about not eating whilst being distracted (e.g. in front of the TV, phone, when reading, etc.) - I ALWAYS need to stick to my rules! I created them for a good reason - the devil never sleeps.
c) Maybe it’s too early to keep things which can be used like triggering snacks at home. I know that I was thinking about it at the shop when I was buying them. I’ll opt out for longer.
d) Because evening is the hardest for me (as the habit of binging has the strongest connection with evenings) I’m going to have a rule “no desert/snack” after dinner.
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@Jana1988 Your journey and what you are learning reminds me very much of my own. Surrounding myself with recovery material every day to keep the mindset, staying mindful during meals, keeping triggering stuff out of the home, adapting rules as I find out new stuff about my patterns. Great job on two weeks! 
451 sugar
315 UPF
189 gluten/dairy
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Day 1526 : No binge today. 
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Day 0 - low carb breakfast (after 45)
Day 1/15 - walking
Not doing so well this month. I was doing great with the low carb breakfasts and made it to 45 days. But this morning I bought donuts for my son and his friend… I’m hoping to get back into walking tomorrow after being sick last week and being thrown off.
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Day 16: No binging
From whatever reason, Friday and yesterday were difficult for me. I guess it started with the silly dried bananas and me eating them. I wish I left them alone on Friday evening. Even though I managed to avoid the disaster of binging on them, it made me crave sweets for the whole time yesterday (or at least I think that it’s the reason for my cravings). I guess that giving in on Friday made Ed feel stronger and hopeful for the same achievement yesterday. So he was poking me all day long. I felt really down and I didn’t know why. The feeling didn’t help anything and to top it up, my partner brought me some Valentine’s treat (together with a stunning bouquet 
). It was something I like. I ate more than I wanted but less than a binge. I was confused what to do when I got it, because it was unexpected. The mistake was that I didn’t make any decision about it (e.g. spread eating it to even amounts through the next week, or have only a little and leave the rest to my partner…etc.). Because I didn’t do any of it and left my head wonder, I kept thinking about it until I had some.
Today I sat down and thought why I felt so down yesterday and I came up with some reasons:
- I had it really easy for 13 days, so wanting some sweets and giving in on Friday evening made me feel disappointed with myself, despite not binging on them.
- That action started a spiral of cravings which made me doubt my abilities and even the whole process for a moment. Thanks to god that I didn’t give up!
- Because I was feeling down I had to use my willpower to resist the cravings and not binge. The idea of having to resist like that for the rest of my life made me feel worse. I couldn’t see clearly and thought that’s it, that’s how my life is going to look like from now on unless I give up and just eat as much and whatever I want.
The thing is, I can eat as much and whatever I want. It’s Ed who’s persuading me that I want to eat food in amounts which in reality I don’t!! And I need to keep this on mind, because it’s important to know that the thoughts in my head ARE NOT always MINE and NOT always TRUE!! Today, I’d be disappointed if I gave up yesterday. And I’d feel like 
which would make me binge again and again…and there the never ending exhausting binging when not want to binge and feeling more and more like rollercoaster would start again…
So how did I manage to stay on track yesterday:
- No matter how much I didn’t feel like it, I listened to the podcast.
- I didn’t eat regularly through the day but before I had my dinner at 6pm I made a strict decision that this dinner is the last meal of my day. I had cravings afterwards but I made a decision and stack with it. I even managed to watch Netflix series without thinking about food after a while. It helped that the series happened to be related to food in matter how important it is to put the right stuff in our bodies, because then we can heal illness. Fate? Sign?
Thanks, Netflix for putting me back on line!
- I downloaded and started reading a book* from the guy who’s doing the podcast, Dr. Livingston.
*If anyone is interested you can download the book for free if you subscribe with your email. You can unsubscribe after if you don’t want to receive marketing.
Here’s the link to where to do so.
A screenshot from the book - a nice quote 
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@Jana1988 Good job on staying mindful of your triggers and patterns. Also great job on using your tools wisely 
One addition from my experience. Sugar does affect our brain chemistry. Depending on how sensitive one is, this may be a bit or a lot. In my case this will upset my balance in all kind of ways, including cravings, irritability and feeling totally down. It will also take quite a time to rebalance. That’s why in the end I decided not to have any at all, as it will just leave me in a state for days. This may not be the case for you, but something you may want to keep an eye on for yourself.
@Kareness Donuts are dangerous 
I hope you get to feel better soon so you can do your walks again.
452 sugar
316 UPF
190 gluten/dairy
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It’s cool I was just saying what happens currently because of my inner addict.
Always happy to get recommendations. I am currently working through the SMART recovery handbook. I worked through a different one (Food Addiction something) and it didn’t do it for me cause it was pretty woo-ey and lots of stuff about childhood which didn’t apply to me.
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Thanks to you and @Jana1988 I’ve decided to start looking at added sugar. I didn’t even know what the recommended daily max was. Thankfully most of what I eat has low sugar (like less than 1 gram) except fruit which I eat a lot of and have a lot of natural sugar. But for example, we had some bon bon bons last night and those are basically pure sugar. But so worth it and we picked out 4 and cut them in half but even then I could feel my craving ramp up!
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That is something worth considering.
After over a year without it I can tell you with confidence that I don’t miss any of it in the slightest. I also found out that I actually do not like it. It was the addicted part of my brain that wanted it, but me I never really liked it at all. When I think about eating a piece of cake today I get nauseous.
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Day 1527 : No binge today.
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Doing good today. Day 11. Had a lot of intrusive thoughts while picking up a couple of groceries but I was able to resist! I do need to get better at staying out of those snacky aisles though.
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My partner and I celebrated Valentine’s yesterday, because we were too busy on Friday and Saturday. We had a lovely day which we ended with him cooking us a dinner and me baking a small sweet treat which I prepared. After eating we sat on the sofa and talked. My partner picked up the treats which he gave me on Saturday and started eating them. An idea that I could also have some to finish it off and therefore not to have it at home appeared in my head. But then I never have any assurance that there won’t be anything else ever again. And this “finishing it off so it’s not there” mindset would get me nowhere but to binging. There’s always a bin as well…and that shouldn’t be my stomach. So in the end I didn’t have any and was able to enjoy the rest of the evening with my partner.
I must say that I eliminated most of the sweets already. I decided that I don’t want chocolate bars at all - any kind of them ; or pastries. It’s more about a cake during special occasions which I’d like to keep available. I’ll create rules around it and see how it works for me.
What’s the best is that since I eliminated the sugar in few last days, some of my health issues started disappearing It only shows me what a poison sugar is! The biggest change is in my issue with experiencing acid reflux. For last 6months, I had it really bad, basically every day after eating or drinking anything. I had a blood and stool tests, I’m supposed to bring a urine sample and have another blood test this Friday and I’m booked for gastrostrophy in mid March. However, the acid reflux suddenly eases up since I don’t eat sugar every day. E.g. yesterday I didn’t have acid reflux at all and that’s despite dining late which would cause it 100% before. I can see that stopping to eat sugar gives me a big chance for healing. I poisoned my body with alcohol and sugar for very long time, so it’s unbelievable to see the short time my body needed to get better. Body heals so quickly if we eat the right things, it’s pretty amazing 
!!!
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@Passerina_cyanea Great job in the store! 
Grocery shopping - especially in the early days - can be quite a challenge. What helped me was having a clearly written down grocery list. With that I did not have to get into arguments with my addicted mind in the store. It’s like meal prepping. I make the decision in an environment I can controll - aka at home - and not in one where my brain is going haywire. If it is not on the list it does not find its way into my shopping basket. Period.
Another helpful thing is to plan out my path through the shop beforehand. If it is my usual shop I know where the stuff I have on my list will be. With that knowledge I can plan a path that will help me avoid the isles with junk as far as possible. On difficult days I will even take a detour just to not have to go through the sweets isle.
@Jana1988 You are on a fascinating journey of self discovery. Thank you for sharing that with us!
453 sugar
317 UPF
191 gluten/dairy
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Day 1528 : No binge today.
Woohoo, 11 days for @Passerina_cyanea! Keep up the good work!
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454 sugar
318 UPF
192 gluten/dairy
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Yeah, I always have a list and I do stick to the outer aisles but sometimes my addict gets the best of me and walks past ice cream 
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Unfortunately I have to reset my tracker today. This work thing is really fucking with me. I keep bringing my own food and eating the catered food instead. Yesterday there were soft baked cookies and leftover Valentine candy, I probably ate 10 cookies if not more and lost count of the candy. The project is one of those “hurry up and wait” ones so I’m either bored or stressed and it’s at night so I’m always tired. And the food is in the break room where I meet with other staff.
The next one is tomorrow night. I might try eating something filling before I go so I don’t eat the catering but there’s still all those desserts 
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That’s why my 13 days were easy, because I didn’t have sugary stuff 
) I wouldn’t recommend sugar even to my enemy. It’s a poison best to get rid of. I’m starting to hate it which makes it easier for me not to eat it. I even feel like I’d be able to just chuck it in the bin now, which before was unimaginable for me. I am starting to love my body and wanting for better for myself. I’m so glad that my eyes are opening to the truth I resisted to see before.