Continuing the discussion from Binge eating recovery daily check in thread (Part 2) - #2528 by acromouse.
Previous discussions:
Day 1450 : No binge today. 
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@acromouse @Sissychris39 @Jana1988 @CATMANCAM @Misokatsu @Alisa @Jesile @Faugxh @One4theroad I know you all have posted on the previous thread, here is the newest one. There may be more people, if I am forgetting anyone feel free to tag them here.
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Day 1: No binge eating
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Okay , thank you
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Thanks @Jana1988. I havenāt posted in a while. Today I went for a walk and was thinking of counting it as 1/31 days. If I post it my old way of 1/1 days the ratio can only go down and that was having a negative mental impact on me. So weāll keep the numerator going up and the denominator a constant and see how that works.
Breakfasts are really all over the place now that Costco has discontinued my overnight oats. This morning I had pumpkin pie. 
I can still get the overnight oats at a grocery store I donāt normally go to. Or I can look up some recipes to make my own. It will just take more effort and time.
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@Jana1988 well, it started when I came out as trans in 2013, my two long-term best friends disowned me. Then after that I reconnected with 2 other best friends, but our friendships consisted of using alcohol and drugs together. So when I got sober in 2020, I had to take a step back, and they werenāt prepared to do sober meet-ups, so we drifted apart. Both of those relationships were very toxic in their own ways, not just because of the addiction side. Iāve tried to go to some socialising groups, but I am never able to speak to anyone, and no one speaks to me, so I donāt have a natural ability to make friends, Iāve always been like this so itās unlikely to change now, Iām 37. Iāve always envied the way other people seem to make friends so easily, and some even have a countless amount because they make friends everywhere they go. Iāll never understand it. I also get taken advantage of because in the past Iāve always done so much for people I care about, so mostly it was just people using and abusing me. Iāve never had a healthy friendship or relationship with anyone. So I do prefer to protect the peace I have these days.
141 days no ice cream.
26 days no sugar.
1 day no crisps, no binge-eating.
0 days no takeaways.
Full of shame and regret. Saturday night I ate crisps, only 1 big bag instead of 2-4. Didnāt feel too bad about that, but then last night I couldnāt sleep, the shops were already closed, and at 22:54, I ordered Ā£68 worth of KFC! I donāt even like KFC 
so the majority of it is going in the outside bin. So I should have been checking in with 145 days, but it is now zero again. Also, previously to this, starting from Thursday, and every day since, including yesterday, I have been having a keto-friendly version of my favourite takeaway, which is Fiveguys BLOs (bacon, lettuce, fresh onion), but instead of having them in buns, Iāve been having them in lettuce wraps. Itās so fkin expensive, Iāve now spent Ā£217.78 on takeaways in 4 days! Iāve unleashed the takeaway demon once again and I need to get a grip and put him back in his cage! I donāt even remember how it happened the first time, but it shouldnāt have, because I havenāt been able to stop, and then last nightās was a full blown relapse. Today Iāve realised that having the healthier version, was a bit like having a shandy and then expecting myself not to go into a full blown relapse on alcohol. Thatās my full confession for today.
š©µ
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376 sugar
240 UPF
114 gluten
114 dairy
50 mindful eating
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Big hugs Cam, it is so often the case that given an inch, our addiction will take a mile. And then you are looking at your own behaviour wondering how the hell you are back here again. But what is done is done, just do the next right thing, and keep trying one day at a time.
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Day 2: No binge eating
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Iām really tired that new puppy is keeping me busy 
but just to say that I relate on the chaotic and using relationships. My relationships also were not healthy in the past for many ways. And tbh I still have ātoxic traitsā or ways in which I transgress my own and other ppls boundaries that sometimes lead to pain for myself and sometimes also for the other person. I had a bad conflict w my best friend the last few weeks and altho it didnāt seem like it at first, I was by no means without blame in it at all. Humbling. itās still work for me to understand what I do and why, and sometimes itās very hard to have relationships and love. But I still think I need love and I would not want to go without trying to connect to ppl in the ways that I maybe can. And I think for really anyone itās a journey, itās not easy for most ppl, maybe the ppl w a million āfriendsā idk Iāve never understood that either, but I donāt think most ppl have an easy time making true and good connections, just my experience.
Also a hearty fuck you to the friends who dropped you when you came out wtf. Who needs such ppl, awful.
No one is beyond hope of making and having connections, I believe that. And you come across as a very likeable and thoughtful person on here I have always found. Just my impression.
Sucks to hear about the relapse. I hope you can stop this thing asap.
Iāve had a lot of bread and chocolate these last days, visiting my polish friend the Scottie breeder and they eat different other there, on the long ass car rides and then being so busy w dog care. I need to make a vegetable soup tomorrow I need to have some vitamins like yesterday. 
otherwise all ok. Just gotta make time to train and get some vegetables on my plate.
Much love to all on here.
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Nearly binged last night. However, before I went on a cupboard crawl (like a pub crawl, but through cupboards) I pivoted into apple and a hot drink to make my stomach full and then brushed my teeth. Feeling good it didnāt degenerate into something worse.
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Day 1451 : No binge today.
@CATMANCAM Iām so sorry your āāāfriendsāāā abandoned you when you came out as trans. Thatās horrible of them, and itās a reflection of them, not you. You deserve better, and you deserve true friends who wonāt abandon you for just being yourself. 
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377 sugar
241 UPF
115 gluten
115 dairy
51 mindful eating
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@Misokatsu @Faugxh @Aleyadaisey
thank you all for your support š©µ
@acromouse congrats on 50+ days of mindful eating 
142 days no ice cream.
27 days no sugar.
2 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
1 day no takeaways.
Suffering the consequences of my own actions big time today. Had to cancel yesterdayās therapy session, and also my walk today. Hoping to feel atleast a bit better tomorrow, because I have a long drive to a hospital about some issues Iām having with my feet. A week to go until I finally speak to the diabetes nurse about introducing a second agent to my treatment. I feel so rough all the time, and doubling my dose hasnāt made any difference.
š©µ
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Day 1452 : No binge today.
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Hello @CATMANCAM
Ah I see. Sorry to read that you had disappointing experience in regards to friendships. I must second that youāre a beautiful person and here you have friends because we can see you 
Itās not always rewarding to have many friends, it can look like something one desire, but in the end itās usually that half of the people are not real friends. When I was socialising more (drinking), it also appeared like I had many friends, but in reality most of them werenāt really my friends. They just liked hanging around to have a drinking buddyā¦ And I was a good drinking buddy, because I would always payā¦ 
Now, when I am sober, I know which people are my real friends and itās only handful of them. I struggled a lot when I moved in the UK, because I knew nobody here. When I stopped drinking I had only my boyfriend because any other connections were based on alcoholism only. I thought I was ok having Sean (my bf) only, as an introvert I didnāt think I need friends at all. But in the same time I was very homesick and very often Iād cry because I felt somehow lonely. Then I joined a running club and made connections, couple of really deep friendships and suddenly everything turned. Iām not homesick anymore and I feel so fulfilled I still donāt need seeing people everyday, but knowing that I have someone is very nice. I wish for you that youād have at least one good friend there where you live 
Sorry to hear about your takeaway monster appearing on the scene yet again. Hopefully for the last time. Addiction and eating disorders are so tricky and playing us all the time!!
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Hello everyone 
Itās a week since I am back from my holiday at Egypt. Having All-inclusive package was hard to handle and I over ate/ binged all the time. I managed maybe a couple of normal portioned meals. On the top of it I had absolutely no movement whatsoever. I went from 100 to 0. One would think that Iād be freaking out (based on my past behaviours), but I was actually ok with it, even despite the amounts of food I consumed. Quite honestly, I just canāt be bothered to stress about food and body shape anymore. Iām sick of it.
Ever since I returned I was ill, mainly because I immediately went for run and didnāt appreciate the temperature drop from 28Ā°C to 5Ā°C. I only got something like āalmost sore throatā and cold (running nose). Nothing too bad. But it stopped me exercising until yesterday as I feel better now. I donāt have a weight scale at home but I can see in the mirror that I gained some fat on my belly. I mean, Iād be shocked if I didnāt 
Iām trying to learn how to accept it and maybe even like it, because belly area was always an issue for me when it comes to satisfaction. There was time (when I was a teen) when I absolutely hated that part of my body. Iād be looking at my belly in the mirror and give it all the nasty names and ugly thoughts. Poor my belly 
I donāt feel like that anymore but I also donāt accept it and always want to change it even if itās almost perfect (based on my perhaps unrealistic ideas about how it should look like). Sometimes I wonder if I have body dysmorphia because when I look at some photos, I like what I see in there 
Anyway, so since I came back from holiday I managed to have two normal meals a day (before Iād have only lunch) and that seems to be good for me. Stops me from snacking a lot before bed (there were only few occasions when I did). It also helps that we still donāt have WiFi at my new home and so we donāt watch telly. That also stops me from snacking as watching TV is my biggest trigger of them all! However weāre getting WiFi installed today, so letās see whatās future going to bring 
As I said, eating 2 proper meals a day helps not to snack as much (I still do a bit) and I didnāt really binge since we came back, but yet Iām not entirely happy about my eating, I canāt explain what it is what bothers me, because as crazy as it sounds, I donāt even know 
Maybe Iām so used to be dissatisfied with my way of eating that I just donāt know how to be happy about it now 
I reseted my clock today morning after a week and donāt know why. Maybe because I had my dinner at 9pm yesterday (couldnāt make it earlier) which is something I donāt like. But part of me thinks that I should be more flexible and allow myself to have some irregularities in my eating as I canāt have always 100% - world and life donāt work like this. So some thinking and reviewing for me which needs to be done I guess 
Have a pleasant and nice Wednesday everyone! 
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I like this. Nothing wrong w dinner at 2100 if youāre hungry and you havenāt eaten yet, nothing wrong at all. 
Interesting you feel the need to control and reset even tho the classical binging is not happening. Youāre on to something there, I think, keep observing your thoughts!
Also I feel you on the body dysmorphia. I just avoid examining myself in the mirror. I see myself when I lift and thatās good enough, the memory of that is enough. I can go from feeling good to feeling too skinny, soft and weak quickly, and its harsh to feel like that. I avoid thinking about that, I just try and do my things and ignore the fluctuations in body image. When Iām healthy and active, I mostly feel awesome in my body. Donāt lift for a few days Iām bound to start feeling bad. Itās a common thing.
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