Meant to post this earlier but forgot to! I totally feel you. I try to remind myself, “I know I can do it because I did it before.” It’s so hard to break these connections to food. I have also seriously thought about inpatient treatment!
Completely normal for the afternoon and evening to get hard. Decision fatigue is real! I have no problem eating well until about 2, sometimes I get through that window until I eat dinner but then it’s unpredictable. I need to be better about meal planning, not just ingredients but logging everything ahead of time, when I am in a good headspace.
When I get down on myself I pick one small thing and try to accomplish it. This week I wanted to stop eating after 8pm for several reasons. I failed every single night until I told my partner, hey this is really hard for me, can you please remind me tonight? And just having that tiny bit of accountability, I was actually able to do it! A person with a healthy relationship to food would laugh at how difficult it was. But i did feel all of the urges, not giving in made me soo uncomfortable, but I was able also to distract myself.
Thank you!! And I can say what worked for me but I really don’t think it’s medically advised so take it with a grain of salt. But one of my biggest struggles was trying to stop binge eating and feeling like garbage the next few days, likely from sugar/upf withdrawal and caffeine headaches. When that happened I would always feel too bad to cook something healthy or do meal prep and all that and would just have a “one last binge” and the cycle continued endlessly. So I took a 2 week time out and just did liquid diet with having like 6 protein shakes a day and a ton of water. This helped me personally because it was really quick and didn’t require any effort to toss a couple of scoops into a mixer cup with water and then drink up. Making the process quick and easy let me not do the whole “I feel too bad to cook” thing and after the two weeks I felt soooooo much better from I guess a kind of detox from sugar/upf and have been able to consistently cook and meal prep with no issues. I also had to remove all snacks from the house too because my willpower to snack is super weak and I always ended up turning snacks into meals when I shouldn’t have. Again, I actually wouldn’t recommend it because even chatbot AI told me it wasn’t a wise move without strict medical supervision but I’m a little reckless I suppose so I gave it a shot anyways and had really good results
Thank you for sharing. I was pretty sick and on an elimination diet for like 6 weeks and then as soon as I got better I went right back to my bad habits I definitely support not keeping tempting foods in the house!
My problem is when I go out to the grocery store or pharmacy or whatever.
Today was a long and stressful day at work and I had already binged at lunch but I needed to get my prescriptions and a few groceries. I ended up binging AGAIN in my car just now although I threw out ~75% of what I bought. I’m not even mad at myself, I actually just feel so so sorry for this person that cannot get their shit together despite having all the resources to do so. I am meeting with a dietician soon and I have a new therapist that specializes in GI issues. I feel terrible mentally and physically.
Ah, @Passerina_cyanea I feel you!
I’m truly sorry for what we’re going through, it’s so tough. For me it’s unbelievable looking at e.g. Aga’s, or Aleya’s counters, and I’m always thinking for myself “How do they do it?”. Obviously it’s possible but it seems that it requires a big amount of willpower, planning, building new habits… I wish I could just make the decision one day and that’s it, I’d be binge free.
I struggle big time too. I don’t binge on such crappy food anymore, but rather on “healthier” options, but it makes me feel almost the same like if I binged on tones of chocolate. So it doesn’t matter what I binge on, it’s still binging - still an issue which makes me feel a way I don’t want to feel. Yet I go and do it again and again and again
I’m so sick and tired of it, but also feeling powerless to do anything about it. From many podcasts and books and god knows what another else resources I know, that the feeling isn’t accurate as it’s me and me only who intact has all the control. It’s hard to recognise that at the time when I’m going for a binge. I seem disabled to pause, to change my mind about the binge, to talk myself out of it, there’s hardly any discussion at all. When the time comes, my brain blanks and I run on autopilot. Or at least that’s how it feels.
Today, I feel really annoyed. Some mornings I write my diary and I always write about binging and I always give myself some small motivational speech about a new day, new opportunities, hope, sometimes I even plan something to avoid binge later in the day. But it feels like a lots of crap today, like lies as whatever I write down in the morning never happens later on, in fact I do the exact opposite and that feels pathetic. I’m annoyed because any desires I dream about in the morning are not in my heart anymore in the evening, maybe I am the one with two different personalities and I am someone in the morning and someone else in the evening. That would explain it all What else to do than laugh about it. Yeah, I really am annoyed.
So I’m writing down no promises today. What do I know? Why should this day be any different from a million of others I just lived? I really have no idea what special it must be about the day for it to be different I don’t feel any special today, only defeated, exhausted, tired, and of course - annoyed
Planning and building new habits: yes
Willpower: not that much
What helped and helps me the most is a recovery programme and a daily recovery meeting. Especially one that helps you feel powerful about you own decisions and not powerless about your behaviour.
I’m wishing you all the best from the bottom of my heart You’re an inspiration, wishing you to keep it up and to always do well in anything you decide for
Take care and enjoy your birthday the way you love
Idk what needs to change. I feel like Ive tried many things and Im just tired of trying to manage my ED. I havent eaten well the ladt 3 days or so. Every night i make a new resolve to eat better the following day… only to find myself stuck in a cycle. I hate food. I hate that i need it to survive. I have no control over it. I go thru these thoughts of just not caring anymore. Then i eat, feel sick (overly full), and then depressed bcuz of it all. Im scared of dying an early death bcuz im overweight. Im scared of a heart attack or stroke etc. But that fear doesnt seem to be enough to stop me from eating this way. Thats all I have to say. Thanks for reading
I definitely support not keeping tempting foods in the house!
like if I binged on tones of chocolate. So it doesn’t matter what I binge on, it’s still binging - still an issue which makes me feel a way I don’t want to feel. Yet I go and do it again and again and again 
What else to do than laugh about it. Yeah, I really am annoyed.
You’re an inspiration, wishing you to keep it up and to always do well in anything you decide for 
