Here,here! Let’s lift a glass….l mean cup, of herbal tea to @HoofHearted for his fantastic effort!!
Hooray for the Pickle Song! 
Love it 
That’s so cool! 
Never had someone compose a song for me before!
Too bad it’s about a pickled cucumber!!
Recovery has never been this much fun before!
If you had have told me two weeks ago when l joined TS, that l would bond with a bunch of recovering addicts over a pickle song, l would have said that your brain must be pickled and that you had lost your mind!!
And yet, here we are! I couldn’t expect to be any happier than l am right now! I will lay my sober, content, pickled head on my pillow tonight,and dream of a lush garden full of lovely little green cucumbers! 
Thank you so much Hoof❤️ed! You made my fortnight!
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@Yoda-Stevie…and your comments are exactly why I don’t drink the cool aid of the “Big Book” thumpers. Instead of letting @Cherry_Kisses express their struggles and give positive affirmation, you engage in the same negative, keep em down, “we addicts” rethoric that keeps people sick. Instead of lifting them up and allowing them to walk through their own journey you want to assume they are just like the cookie cutter program zombies. Helping people explore their struggles takes a lot more energy than just spitting out cliches. It takes patience and an understanding that not everyone recovers the same way. Just my thoughts.
Lol pretty sure Yoda has not been to a single AA meeting before. Sooo yeah … might want to edit your comment so you don’t sound exactly like the thing you are complaining about
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I’ll step in here and say as someone who has been on this forum for 3+ years, @Yoda-Stevie posts and replies provide nothing but encouragement and does not in any way condescend to other posters. Flat out false, what you are claiming. I’m almost 10 months sober after 2 years of many relapses and slowly killing myself. I was failing at not picking up the drink that matters, the first drink. However, reading his words and experiences finally clicked. Also, he doesn’t attend AA.
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You would be correct, and the only Big Books I read are the Bible, and Musashi’s Five Rings. Might try to tackle Tolstoy’s War and Peace one day. That’s a pretty big book too.
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My message to OP was to consider everything before quickly rejecting imperfect help, in an attempt to find some nirvana of support.
How many addicts have lost real opportunities to get free, because they find excuses not to accept the help offered, simply because it doesn’t look, taste or smell the way they would prefer?
It appears my message was lost on more than just OP.
You are free to disagree, and enter the PNG. Wish you well on your sober journey.
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I had to go away and ruminate over it. I was taken aback at your comments, as what you were saying was 100% and probably reacted defensively.
Sorry.
The truth is that I’m struggling…Maybe looking for excuses.
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I’ve caught myself reading through this post again and I just wanted to reach out to you and thank you. I attended the most amazing online AA meeting this evening. Plugged in last night and again this evening.
To quote @Andy68 “I’ve found my people”
Honestly at this stage as much as I need a mentor, and empath all rolled into one, I need to feel comfortable. (I’ve got some hectic sh*t I need to deal with) I know we all do / or have. It’s just so damn sore to deal with…The shame, the history, the guilt. I know my pride is getting in the way.
I do know that getting all the stuff “out” is integral to my recovery.
And in the mean time my husband thinks I should be able to go back to social drinking as the thing that got me started hasn’t been an issue for a couple of months.
He doesn’t get it. We have amazing communication but I don’t know how to make him understand that I have an illness and it’s not just going to go away. (He does know I’m on an addiction forum and he knows I’ve been in touch with the AA)
How do I open up about all of this. It’s been swept under the rug for 5 years and I just can’t do it this anymore.
I need to speak to someone but I don’t know who and being that vulnerable is going to be hard. And I need to feel that I can trust them.
It’s just a lot to deal with BUT I do have 12 sober days and that has to be a step in the right direction.
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No worries and no offense taken or offered.
Early sobriety is tough. I know because I had to try and fail many times before it stuck. This forum was a huge part of getting me through the initial challenges, and continues to be.
I’m a stubborn Marine vet. I didn’t do meetings, unless you count my daily visits to this forum. I didn’t have 1 sponsor…I had hundreds…the members here.
The best advice I can give is sometimes the best advice is the last thing we want to hear. I know it’s been that way for me.
Keep leaning in and pushing forward. You can break through this tough part.
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I can hear your pain and frustration and desire for sobriety. And I have felt the same. I know for myself, I often got ahead of myself…and finding ways to keep myself in the right here, right now…well, it has served me well. Because I can handle being sober this second, right now.
I also 100% get where you are at with your husband. Mine was the same in the early days. He did not get it and he really wanted his party girl back. Change is hard on all of us. That is okay. We don’t know what we don’t know. Eventually, with communication and time, it will become clear to him that you are growing and changing in healthy and healing ways.
You could think about writing it all out in a letter for him…the pain, shame, guilt…how alcohol is eating you alive and making you a lesser version of yourself…wherever you are at with that. Sometimes it is easier to understand thru written words…then you can talk about it later. Idk, just a thought.
Being in the in between place of wanting to be sober and free and not yet there is uncomfortable. Keep digging in and finding what works for you.
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@Cherry_Kisses 12 days is great. Keep going.
And you are exactly right about feeling like our history, shame, etc… would be overwhelming to someone else. But as alcoholics, we all have shared experiences that help us in our willingness to listen without condemnation. I know one of my biggest road blocks in my getting sober, was my thinking I was somehow “terminally unique.” Meaning no one had been through what I had been through so how could I share with them. When I started to develop these relationships, I learned that I wasn’t unique and that they could definitely handle what I was going to burden them with.
Hang in There!
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Have you been to a meeting?, Have you heard other people’s struggles in meetings?.. I hope you’re okay and doing well in your sobriety, maybe you could share some of your tips of when you’re struggling, might help me… 
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Hey CK (AKA my Lil’ Pickle Buddy)! Please don’t lose !
You’re doing great! WE’RE doing great- l’m on Day 16, so l’m right beside you!
I hear you, l feel your frustration. But l think some of that is being exacerbated by outside forces? One being the sponsor debate, but also your hubby.
As Sass said, he’s probably worried he’s ‘lost his party girl’
My husband, and probably many millions of others out there, would have agreed.
I think it is very confronting for them to think that you have an incurable disease too.
I was lucky enough to be able to coax my hubby to a couple of face to face AA meetings early on. Is this something you could explore?
Can you perhaps ask him not to talk to you about resuming drinking ATM? Tell him that you really want and need a good break, and that you would love him to respect that and to support you. Don’t mention that you actually are aiming at total abstinence; this may be too confronting right now.
You said that communication between you was good,so hopefully he would be receptive.
My husband thought l could moderate one day, and even believed l was “not an alcoholic” till about a year ago!
Ironic then, that our 20 year marriage is all but over, partly due to him being sick of picking up after the wreckage l have caused because of my drinking!!
Don’t allow your marriage to go down the sink hole like mine.
As far as the sponsor debate goes, l’m with you 100%!
As we have already established,CK, we like to have fun while we’re learning and probably retain a lot more info that way!
Why should you settle for a ‘dry as toast’ sponsor? You are potentially going to be spending a lot of time with this human.
I’m not saying recovery is not to be taken seriously, but sometimes even the most dedicated of older sober members are the biggest comedians when sharing their stories.
Anyway, hang in there.Don’t be discouraged.
And don’t be so down on yourself - self forgiveness is apparently a HUGE component of recovery
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l tried to insert a bandaged heart, but it didn’t work!!
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Hey there HH! Just wondering if you could officially name your song, and put it somewhere on TS, so we can direct newcomers, people who haven’t heard it, etc. to access and listen to it. It’s such a great piece of work! It shouldn’t be gathering dust in the TS archives!
I would try to do it, but l have no clue with these things!
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I’m a proud and stubborn rebel. A very successful businesswoman and also very private. I also despise the world alcoholic.
I was feeling like it wasn’t a problem as yet… But there were red flags, so I totally get you. At the end of the day we have free will, and we can over come any addiction if we really want to. I know of someone who gave up cocaine cold turkey. No NA, no online support.
My sobriety is my journey and as long as my destination is the same, I am happy.
I’m not here to judge anybody, different things work for different people.
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I too am also a successful businesswoman. It’s hard on us.
I am also an alcoholic
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