That’s understandable. He is (at the moment) your strongest association with sobriety - and with self-respect. You don’t like being drunk, running from your life; you like being sober. (Welcome to the club!)
Yes. Please know that I am not trying to be unkind here - but he feels deeply alone too. He feels like he doesn’t know who you are. And he’s never going to believe what you say about who you want to be, until you do it with your behaviour. The only way for him to not feel alone, is after you know who you are, alone. Once you learn to love yourself, as yourself, then you can be a partner in a relationship. Working your sobriety will help you do that:
(You can do that too. It will take time and you have to it because it’s important to you. But you can do it. You deserve to be sober. You’re a good person, you matter, and you belong here.)
I believe you. There are loads of meeting options available online and recovery meetings is where you will learn how to do that. (Recovery can’t happen alone. We need to connect with others in recovery to learn how to be sober. We need to learn how, from people who have walked the path. There are many good options for recovery meetings.) Check these out:
Online meeting resources
Yep.
Keep checking in Autumn. You’re a good person, and you matter & you belong - no matter how discouraged you feel. You deserve a sober, happy life. Put in the effort and I swear you will find it. You will be scared and especially in early sobriety you will find lots of emotions bursting up. But join meetings, introduce yourself - the people are wonderful, you’ll be happy to meet them, they’ll welcome you - and work your sobriety. It’s yours if you want it 