Broke it to my husband that I wanted to stop drinking, and he should too

He’s clearly upset. He’s agreed to help and to stop too, but he’s very upset by it, and I feel like it’s going to cause many issues. Has anyone else had to deal with this? What did you do? I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want to strain my marriage.


We can really only make suggestions. Most of us have found that telling people what they should or shouldnt do does not help.

I am sure you will find some helpful responses on here and I wish you the best.


My wife and I been drinking buddies over 38 years. My sober date is 01022020 She’s drank everyone of those days. I wanted to get sober. And I’m loving it. We had a nice chat a long time ago. She supports me. But she’s still gonna drink. She drinks everyday but lately this year I’ve noticed she’s drinking less and just sticking to wine. But that doesn’t matter.

Getting sober for me has been the best decision of my life I can only be responsible for my sober journey. No one else’s.
Try it you’ll like it.


I was sober back in March when I met the guy I’m seeing. I did not know that he was a raging alcoholic until after we met in person after a few dates. He knew I was sober and trying hard to stay that way. Anyway, I fell back to old ways by May and returned today to start again. I’m very worried our relationship will end as a result of me deciding to be sober again, but it’s a chance I’ve got no choice to take. I won’t be asking him to join me in sobriety, but I’m hoping he’ll watch from the sidelines and decide to do the same. I can’t love him dead from liver failure, and something has to change. I wish you the best of luck! It’s incredibly scary knowing you might lose someone you love while trying to survive…


Welcome!! Yes, there are quite a few of us here who have partners that still drink. Mine does and has throughout my entire sober journey. It adds a bit more complexity, but it isn’t a death sentence for marriage or sobriety if the marriage/relationship is a positive one overall and you are both respectful and honest with your selves and eachother.

Over the years lots of people ask about this, so I put together a thread with links to other threads…more perspectives always helps IMHO. Here you go…lots to read…see if any of it sounds like it might be helpful…and keep us posted!! :slightly_smiling_face::heart:


I haven’t dealt with that but I wanted to show my support of your sober journey!! My husband can drink one beer and he might not have another one for months. I’m thinking of having him studied to see how that works :wink:lol. I sure made up for him though. Just keep it one day at a time. We will be here to listen :blush:


I never dealt with what you’re going through. My wife left me because of my addiction. I pray for you and your husband that as a couple you are able to work through the often extremely painful issues.


I went to a meeting and got some advice about this. I can’t force his hand and he’s no where near my level of abuse. We agreed that he can continue in moderation while I sober up. I appreciate the input, and God bless!


Some people can drink socially or in moderation I could never understand the concept, if we focus on our sobriety its more beneficial, its good that you want to quit, realizing how severe our problem has progressed can help determine how hard we work to maintain our recovery. A sponsor once told me to just take my inventory not everybody else’s.:grinning::+1: wish you well


Hope your well and managing your new sobriety Aemb.
I thought I’d dig this up for ya. I needed this yesterday and the day before as my wife had a little too much to drink those nights and ended the night napping on the couch.

From Courage To Change.
Part of my Al-Anon literature.


how would you feel if someone told you that you had to stop, us alcoholics dig our heels in when told what to do. recovery is based on the law of attraction, we can only do our own thing and pray other people want what we have, when they do we then do everything we can to help them.

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Honestly, you can’t focus on what your husband should or shouldn’t do. If you want/need to quit drinking then focus on that. You can’t make him want to too. He needs to decide for himself. Maybe your sobriety will inspire him to do better.



Lots of great advice here and I have to agree with what I’ve read. I’ve just passed two months of sobriety and when I started I asked my wife to support me, but not to change her way of life unless she chose to for her self. There is still alcohol in the house and she still enjoys it. I can only speak for myself, but it hasn’t been a problem yet and when I do have those thoughts of drinking, I just push to stay sober for that day. I’ll focus on tomorrow when it comes. Hang in there and best of luck to you!