How many times do you all have to restart?
I’m so lost.
I thought I was doing well this time, I had even just met someone for the first time in years that I actually could see something happening.
And then before I knew it was drinking again.
I got drunk and wasn’t nice towards her. I hate myself so much for it. Ending with her wanting nothing to do with me, so I have lost yet another person thanks to drinking.
I don’t know what to do.
When does this get easier?
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For me life got a lot easier after a year sober and working through the 12 steps. I don’t know how long you were sober, but it’s recommended to wait a while before dating again for reasons just like this. There’s a lot more to sobriety than just putting down the drink.
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Exactly what @Englishd said. The first year has to be COMPLETELY about ourselves. We have no business trying to get involved in anything, if we can help it. That means new jobs, moving, dating, anything that is a huge change in life. Before we have any clue who we are sober we are bad for other people, places and things. Everything inside of us changes everyday in early recovery. We are vulnerable to too many things, so we must protect ourselves.
Also, finding a program is essential. 12 step programs are extremely helpful. There are other options as well, if you look around for them. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter which program you choose or create, the work must come from within yourself. Work on yourself and your recovery for a while. You will be shocked at the person you find in there! And you will be better for others when you know something about your sober self.
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April 19
Footwork
“So many times, addicts have sought the rewards of hard work without the labor.”
Basic Text, p. 34
When we first came to NA, some of us wanted everything, and right away. We wanted the serenity, the cars, the happy relationships, the friends, the closeness with our sponsor-all the things other people had gotten after months and years of working the steps and living life on life’s terms.
We learned the hard way that serenity comes only from working the steps. A new car comes from showing up on the job every day and trying to “practice these principles in all our affairs” including our employment. Healthy relationships come as a result of lots of hard work and a new willingness to communicate. Friendship with our sponsor comes as a result of reaching out during the good times as well as the bad.
In Narcotics Anonymous, we have found the path to a better way of life. To reach our destination, however, we must do the footwork.
Just for Today: I want a better life. I will make an inventory of what I want, find out how to get it, talk with my sponsor about it, and do the necessary footwork.
Shared via JFT App https://bit.ly/jftdownload , Copyright © 2007-2017, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
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Daily Reflections
April 10
GROWING UP
The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115
Sometimes when I’ve become willing to do what I should have been doing all along, I want praise and recognition. I don’t realize that the more I’m willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. That’s what practicing the principles means to me. Fun and benefits for me are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results. Being a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving makes my life better day by day.
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I’m on day 34. Haven’t been here in many many many years. Lots of days of 4 and 5 but then right back to drinking. I tried hundreds of times. As I look back, each relapse was needed. Each hangover, every withdrawal symptom was needed, the losses, the hospital visits, the arrests, the embarrassments were needed. Each time was a learning opportunity and eventually if you keep fighting, you will win. Persevere, don’t give up. The road is paved rougher for some of us. It may take us longer to get there but dont stop. Stay safe and stay strong and stay fighting. I’m rooting for you.
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One step forward, 2 steps back.
2 steps forward, 1 step back.
10 steps forward, 5 steps back
1 day sober, 2 not
2 days sober, 1 not
10 days sober, 5 not…
Many of us have done a year sober, maybe 5 - then tripped up somehow.
We are fragile human beings who recover slowly but surely as we face the mess and begin to exit the bubble of our self medication to avoid the pain.
Thanks to others who have responded here about the need to find oneself before anything else.
Whatever, Kay, don’t blame yourself for the slip… pick yourself up and keep trying!
We’re here for you 
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We all fuck up. I have lost many relationships due to my drinking. It is the way we have dealt with life for years. Dont beat the hell out of yourself. Get back to it. Go to some aa meetings. Download the free big book from your app store. Start over. Get your mind focused on one day at a time. Do not worry about tomorrow. Do not think about the past. It will work itself out. Take it easy.
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I know how you feel but the saying goes dont worry about yesterday or tomorrow just focus on today. Today you can make a choice not to drink. I relapsed after 10 days but now I have 1 day under my belt. With the support of everyone on here we can do this 1 day at a time. Stay strong and think positive. We are all here together. 
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I’ve been lucky enough to have zero relapses. I can thank my sponsor and my dear friends from group for helping me and supporting me on my roughest of days, ESPECIALLY in the beginning of this journey.
If I may make one suggestion, try not to be so hard on yourself. I am already my biggest critic and beating myself down won’t help stand up when I fall. Love yourself first! Once that barrier has been broken down, you will be able to build outer barriers to protect yourself and who you are. It took me about 90 days to really begin to recover and start to see the world in a less selfish and more considerate ways.
At the end of the “12 step promises” the saying goes “They will always materialize (and I can’t stress this word enough) IF we work at it.”
Nowhere in the book or in a meeting will you read/hear this is easy. If it were easy everyone would do it.
Hold your head up for acknowledging you are asking for help. Recovery is personal and we are all in this together. Keeping coming back this works!
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I can’t even count the number of times I restarted. Ultimately I think there were 3 serious starts with countless little starts in the middle.
Ultimately looking back on it I really wasn’t ready to quit yet. As some people say “I still had some drinking to do”.
I’m not sure why the last start was different…but I was. Now I don’t see sobriety as something I’m giving up but something I am gaining. And it’s a wonderful feeling.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
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Like lifting weights or distance running, sobriety doesn’t get easier…until you grow stronger. You will always be able to access alcohol. You’ll always be able to find a reason (excuse) to drink. What keeps you sober is not the absence of alcohol in your environment, or the disappearance of stresses and situations you might have drank over.
No. You stay sober, because you choose to stay sober, regardless. You say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink, so there won’t be a second or third or eighth. This takes strength and self-discipline, which you have to build. You build it by coming here, attending meetings, having an accountability partner, and replacing old, destructive behaviors, with healthy new ones.
Do this, and it will get easier, because you will have become stronger.
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@Dolse71 Hi Paul, thought of you as I was reading Yoda’s post, having read that you’re deciding to drink and “start again” tomorrow. Hopefully, tomorrow is your last Day 1, because, now, above all else, you choose sober. You’ve built so much strength and helped some many others here in this community, I think this time is it! This is your time to make that ultimate decision - are you a drinker or a non-drinker? Then, no matter whats happening in your life, either internally or externally, you won’t drink because you don’t drink. You can do this. You are worthy of love, happiness and sobriety, you just gotta believe it first. Wishing you all the very best 
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thank you for your strong but kind words it’s not gone straight over the top of my head, some days it seems black and white and some days it’s not so simple.
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I get that it’s tough. That final decision, the one where you truly decide that you’ve had enough and you’re willing to put EVERYTHING, all that you have, into being sober, because you just CAN’T do it anymore. No matter what, no matter what the external circumstance, no matter what you’re feeling or what your alcoholic mind is telling you… you know you just CAN’T… because deeply and truly, you know you don’t WANT to, you want to be free and clear, you WANT to be sober! that decision doesn’t get made lightly/easily. It takes courage, strength, determination. Putting your sobriety and wellbeing above all else - that takes a lot of self love & discipline. But that’s what it takes. Because life is always going to give us adversity. There will always be a challenge to see through, and to see it through sober takes strength & resilience. But, you will because being sober is the priority, above all else. Once you’ve decided to be sober, using any and all of the tools you’ve acquired, you don’t look back. You start living , living your best life, your sober life, and you relish in the chance to deal with what life throws at you sober, for each time you do, you grow stronger still. You feel proud, and able and encouraging. You say No to the drink that matters, the first drink.
What have you got in your sober tool kit to help you do this? What tools are you using? Writing them out helps to organise and arm yourself, so that when needed (on hard days) you know where to go : )
AA is also a great tool, judging by the many ppl on this forum who’ve used it to get sober.
You can do this bro, but YOU gotta believe that. Take it one day at a time, and know you’re capable 
Hope this helps you @Kaybees and others, too 
helps me a lot. This forum is such a wonderful tool for sobriety.
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You restart as many times as you have to. Just keep going. You are worth so much more than the alcohol. So, you just keep going.
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hi there…i understand how hard this is. i am sober 3 years and still havent been able to change some behaviors.
listen to the things you tell yourself “you were doing well this time” “before you knew it” “i hate myself” id say try mindfullness. try some meditation as it helps quiet our minds some.
with this decease we tend to think really fast and “before we know it” we are cught up again…
the truth is we know what we are doing as it is unfolding but we dodnt notice it until its too late…
thats my take be mindfull of thoughts and check their motives.
best of luck
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I had another relapse and had to restart again. I really want to stick to this so I need some encouragement. I thought I could have one drink maybe two but as usual i had more. The worst part for me is waking up and not remembering i had a nice dinner with my husband. I really hate the not remembering part. It’s weird because I think I am fine then the alcohol takes over my brain and my memory goes blank. I really want to quit for good so I can be myself again. Wish my luck and say a prayer too.
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Hi Liz22,
A piece of wisdom I and many others have been given here on this forum is “say no to the drink that matters, the first drink”. Then there can be no second or third and so on. And when you’re in that moment of struggle, faced with the decision to drink that first drink or not, it helps to “play the tape all the way through” visualise what is actually going to happen if you decide to drink that first one, real talk. This has helped me to realise that though I have serious problems when it comes to drinking, I now choose to be a non-drinker so there’s no reason why I would say yes to that first drink, especially knowing (deep down) what will happen if I do… maybe not that time, but inevitably.
Work on that mindset change, so that alcohol is no longer glamorized, for it is more like poison. life is actually SO much better without it! Reading and learning a lot about alcohol, alcoholism and self-love, self-discipline and compassion has helped me on my journey this far in changing my thoughts/mindset around drinking and alcohol. Hope this helps. Wishing you well
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I hear ya. But had a long day at work and sure could go for a glass or 2 of wine but I wont. I will try to stay strong.
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