Can I do this forever?

Emotional Support
1

Hi everyone,

Currently at 18 days sober and going strong.

I’ve never been one for sharing and I have a hard time owning up to the fact that I have a problem. I have attended one virtual AA meeting during lockdown but opted to just observe and i need to find more confidence talking about myself in this way.

Last feb 2019 I tried to go sober for the first time. This was the morning after one of the worst binges of my life. 2 days + worth of hell to deal with and I was scared I might lose my family if I didn’t sort myself out. I got 34 days back then before caving again. Since then I was averaging about 3 days of sobriety at a time and seeming to manage… or atleast hide my problem from the knes I love. (I know know that alcohol isn’t the problem and instead I saw it as a solution to my probkems) Things have just spiraled back out of control and recently I found myself close to the edge again. Going into the office with zero sleep and an hour and a shower since finishing my last bottle. Who was i kidding, It is time to change or it was going to destroy everything I care for.

The issues I have now are mental. My brain starts to play games with me. “You’ve proved you can do it this long so what’s it going to hurt enjoying yourself for a night”, “you haven’t told your friends so are you just going to avoid them forever or are you going to stay sober for a night out or just cave?”. I am fighting against these sort of thoughts everyday and although I am trying to avoid triggers I just don’t know how I can manage this forever…

I would be super grateful for any words of wisdom, advise or opinions🙏

Maybe my story seems trivial compared to some but the struggles are real and are having a massive effect on me. I am really to do what it takes for my family.

Thanks for reading.

2 Likes
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Welcome. I’m proud of you for getting back on the wagon and obtaining 18 days.
I highly recommend checking in daily to keep focus in the checking daily to maintain focus thread.


I also recommend finding some activities to fill time like, running, cycling, working out, meditation/mindfulness, crafts, drawing, reading etc.
I also recommend reading on this forum a lot on this forum and asking questions if you have any.
You can make sobriety a lot easier. It’s really hard to think about staying sober for the rest of my life. I f i think, do i want to stay sober for the rest of my life? i think hell no. But I can and want to stay sober for today. The next day, i also think i can stay sober for today. and so on.
Dont think about not using for life, but think about not using today. Do that everyday, and it gets way easier. If you are very deep in the shit, you can even think, ill stay sober the next 5 minutes.
Dont listen to your mind, your mind will not stop being a dick, it will be a dick less and less, but it will never fully stop being a dick.
If you have cravings, just play the tape. By that i mean, pretend that you have another drink, then try forseeing the future. Will at be all butterflies and roses, because you feel so awesome when relapsing, or will it be shame, self-disgust and dissapointment you feel, when you get fired and your loved ones leave you to rot away, because they cant handle the pathetic drunk who is ruining his and their life?
When your mind tells you that you can use once, that’s bullshit, the biggest bullshit ever. Your addiction just tries to find a way to get satisfied.
I also recommend following the twelve step-program with a sponsor.
I hope this helps
Good luck, you’ve got this. :smiley:

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3

Your story is not trivial at all! I’m starting day 4 here in about an hour. TS is getting me through. I also do virtual meeting every evening with my home group. I’m so glad you are here. There is a women’s AA private group that you could join here. I can’t remember the person who started it, but let me know if you are interested.

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