Hi everyone,
Currently at 18 days sober and going strong.
I’ve never been one for sharing and I have a hard time owning up to the fact that I have a problem. I have attended one virtual AA meeting during lockdown but opted to just observe and i need to find more confidence talking about myself in this way.
Last feb 2019 I tried to go sober for the first time. This was the morning after one of the worst binges of my life. 2 days + worth of hell to deal with and I was scared I might lose my family if I didn’t sort myself out. I got 34 days back then before caving again. Since then I was averaging about 3 days of sobriety at a time and seeming to manage… or atleast hide my problem from the knes I love. (I know know that alcohol isn’t the problem and instead I saw it as a solution to my probkems) Things have just spiraled back out of control and recently I found myself close to the edge again. Going into the office with zero sleep and an hour and a shower since finishing my last bottle. Who was i kidding, It is time to change or it was going to destroy everything I care for.
The issues I have now are mental. My brain starts to play games with me. “You’ve proved you can do it this long so what’s it going to hurt enjoying yourself for a night”, “you haven’t told your friends so are you just going to avoid them forever or are you going to stay sober for a night out or just cave?”. I am fighting against these sort of thoughts everyday and although I am trying to avoid triggers I just don’t know how I can manage this forever…
I would be super grateful for any words of wisdom, advise or opinions🙏
Maybe my story seems trivial compared to some but the struggles are real and are having a massive effect on me. I am really to do what it takes for my family.
Thanks for reading.