i jus feel really sad about my childs father not providing for or supporting me and our child in any way at all. i cannot fathom it and i haven’t truly let it go yet. he manipulates me into believing he cares and he loves us and he’s gonna change but he doesn’t, he’s still on his same shit. so here i am i’m all alone, i pour from an empty cup into my child all day long every day, day after day, each day is like groundhog day, i don’t have my own life anymore, no creativity no friends, everything i do it’s all for my kid and i get no support, no love no appreciation…i just feel empty and sad.
i even thought about drinking (im almost 8 months sober)…i know it’s not right but i just hate feeling so empty and lonely all the time and trying to feign joy and excitement for my sweet lil guy (who just turned two! woohoo!)… i wish life was different and im learning to accept reality for the way it is (something i was never able to do before)… and despite all my previous aspirations, despite my gifts and talents, now accepting that the dream is over and i really just gotta live in this mediocre reality …
(okay yes reality is phenomenal too, but im not talking about that right now ) im just really feeling sad, sorry for myself, exhausted, kinda hopeless, unsupported and unappreciated for all the intensely relentless hard work im putting in every day which isn’t even covering my bills cuz most of my work goes unpaid, so i’m broke as fuck and like i said no one’s helping me especially the one person who is supposed to be. he won’t even get a real job cuz he don’t want the government to track his income so i can’t file for child support. it’s just crazy. i feel absolutely crazy. actually i’m definitely crazy at this point
all i can think is, how do i get outta this? how can i let go of the fantasy where someone comes and helps me, and create a life for me and my kid all by myself…i wish i didn’t have to. but i do!!! so i need to… just have no idea how. and feeling so depleted all the time, i feel like i don’t have anything left to give to build something bigger than the tiny life we have right now where i’m just barely holding on and fighting the urge to crumble every day.
needing to be sooooooo strong all the time…while also trying to preserve the softness of my heart…being the woman and the man at the same time…needing to do it all…i might crack!! how can i hold this whole world up by myself??
For what it’s worth, I think you are doing an amazing job. Life seems brutal sometimes. I hope you can get through this down period.
Someday your little guy will be grown up and he’ll understand the big picture and all that you did for him. Maybe think of that sometimes when you’re struggling? I wish you well!
Venting is what this place is for (amongst other things). Hope it helps a bit Julia. You’re doing an awesome job but it must be so hard at times. Big hugs your way.
Big hugs for you. I know that’s not the answer, but I hope it will help you feel less alone. You’re doing an amazing job of raising your child. He always looks very happy and he looks clean and well fed and taken care of. You’re the one who’s doing that. I appreciate you doing it. I know that it’s hard for you
Right now, you are the only one there is to do it.
I think, as diverse as this group is, that some will come in and have some suggestions to you of how you might be able to get some kind of help, whether it be for food or other type of assistance.
I know it will also depend on what country you are in. I think you are in the United States.
Do know that you are cared for and that you are appreciated.
Your efforts for yourself and for your son are appreciated and you are doing an excellent job.
As much as it can, it might be helpful for you to do things you enjoy like play your guitar or be in touch with some people.
I’m glad that you posted and I hope it makes you feel better if even just a little.
You are holding it up by yourself and doing a great job. Let’s see though, what, if any, kind of assistance you can get.
As a single mother myself i resonate with ALOT of what youve said…being a single mother is one of the hardest jobs there is…its both amazing and super hard especially when your little one is young…EVERYTHING is about them…i pretty much lost my identity, i wasnt Kelly i was Sofias mum…i love her beyond words and i felt guilty for feeling sad and lost back then. Im not sure how it works where you are but as much as things are overwhelming now it is a temporary situation for you in terms of time for yourself…do they have nursery where you are? My daughter got a free 15 hours nursery time when she hit 2 years old and then she started school at 4…that will give you time to yourself and or the possibility of you picking up work so you have more money coming in…please know i understand exactly how you are feeling
I feel you Julia, I wasn’t in your situation ever but as a mom of 3 children with ages near eachother I felt worn out most of the time.
Like Kelly mentioned above, like loosing your own identity and “just” being a mom.
And I had a partner and you have not, that’s a big difference. I do understand.
What I did back then was claiming some me time somewhere. Maybe you have a good friend who can help you out with that? So he ore she can watch for your little man for a few houres so you can do something for yourself for a while?
Again, I wasn’t in your shoes as a single mom ever
Respect how you are doing all this Julia.
If you where living nearby you got a babysitter right away: me!
Hey girl
Whenever I see your selfies here on TS I always light up. Seeing you and your child, so much love there
When my daughter was that age I was constantly overwhelmed. From the day I got pregnant basically til she went to daycare on a daily basis. And I had a caring and loving partner, helping grandparents and a good income.
So, I have not idea how you are managing it. You are in a shitty situation without the support every parent with such a small child needs. It’s obviously not your fault, but you are left with this burden by everyone around you.
Vent as much as you need, and do everything else to connect with yourself. That part that is not a mother. It is there, it wants to be heard. You need that part to stay sane. If I am not mistaken you are an artist? A musician? That soul needs care too. Even if it’s only a few moments a day.
I have no idea what options might be available around you to get some kind of financial support or someone to take care of your child for you for a while. A neighbour? A shared playdate with other parents?
One thing though: It gets easier. I know this seems far away. But it will.
Hugs and love
The sheer unfairness of life and the absolutely wrong behaviour of others, like your child’s father, and the way they can get away with it – it can be really overwhelming and can posses you. I know it’s done that to me in the past. It used to dominate all my thoughts. It was a dead weight though, dragging me under, my thoughts and emotions about it dragged me under. I couldn’t cut them loose - until the day came when I could. I hope that is possible for you someday soon. He’s got control of you until then. Cut him loose!!!
Stay well!
With your ex…my ex left us when my little girl was 10 months but to be honest even when we were together he was not supportive, he didnt help with her…i even had to phone him to wake him up the day after she was born because he didnt show up at the hospital. Since he left he sees her but its not much at all and its all on his own terms…i think the biggest thing that helped me was the day i came to the realisation that he will absolutely never be the father that i want him to be and that my daughter deserves, whatever your ex says is just words if its not backed up by actions…for my own sanity i have now fully accepted that he will never be who i want him to be and ive let that go…yes its unfair but its out of my control to make it fair as i cannot change him. However when i look at my daughter and how truly amazing she is i know she is all of my own hard work…
That’s a good vent, I hope it helped lift the pressure just even a little. Venting is healthy, we can’t keep it in. I think there are lots of single moms who can relate. I was a single Mom with zero help from father and it sucked and yes, it is an unfair system for sure. We don’t do near enough to support Mom’s in the US. You have lots of good responses here and support, that is such a blessing. I know that with my daughter, she knew and knows she was loved and cared for as best I could and that sometimes I was down and times are hard. That is reality and it is okay. I appreciate a lot of the suggestions and loving support others offered.
Have you been in contact with your local social services department? There are SNAP food benefits available for families, as well as medical coverage through Medicaid. Both are no cost if you qualify. Every little bit can help.
I feel you Julia. I’ve got nothing much to say as there are a lot of lovely replies already but I really want you to know as far as I can tell you are a very caring and loving mom. One can see the love in your and your little ones eyes. And that’s beautiful.
Your situation is so hard and it breaks my heart learning that you don’t have any support. You just don’t deserve feeling alone. I pray for you to get support.
You are a wonderful soul Julia. We all have your back. Never stop venting. Hope you feel better soon.
I hope venting helped you feel just a little better. What you said has so much truth in it, and that can be hard to bear at times.
I can tell you that when I was 2 years old my mum was in the same situation you’re in. My father was not around and didn’t help in any way. She was an artist and I only found her work when I grew up- she gave up to look after me and had to work weekends in jobs she hated instead, piece together childcare with favours. You name it. In the end I got older and went to school and that was easier, and she met my stepfather (and had my sister) and life got easier too. Aside from my addiction (not her fault) I’m doing ok in life and she is still happily married after 30 years second time around. I say all this in case it helps lift that burden just a little. Time is a great healer and you never know what change is just around the corner. We have to take one day at a time
to everyone here who replied to my post, i truly thank each of you from the bottom of my bottomless heart for your thoughtfulness, supportiveness, appreciation and love. i can’t tell you how meaningful it is to me to read your words, it feels like a huge release and shift of energy to express myself here and feel connected to all of you. my gratitude is enormous for you guys here.
my biggest takeaways from your replies are about learning to pour into myself again, and about letting go of attachments. releasing any ideas of him and the concepts i’ve indulged in around how unfair this is, will free up a lot of energy for me to actually be able to focus on my own health and well being and that of my child even more. the trick is to actually feel the grief, which as most of us know comes in layers. it’s been a year and a half since i left his dad and i’m still learning to accept the reality, to lean into the present grief and also lean into the upswing that occurs when that sense energy is acknowledged, then naturally shifted, transformed and/or released. it’s a painful process but i know i can do it. i’ve been doing it. and i’ll keep on doing it.
and yes i still intend to preserve and protect the softness of my heart and my own playful innocence, despite the strength and resilience i must perform every day. i am growing. and im so grateful to be sober doing it. actually i couldn’t witness all these feelings, face them feel them express them and grow thru them, without sobriety. and this community has played and continues to play such an enormous role in that. so thank you all, once again. the demonstration of your loving hearts here in response to my post is profoundly and deeply impactful to me and i want you all to know how much i appreciate that. truly. thank you!!! words will never suffice for the depth of my gratitude.
) im just really feeling sad, sorry for myself, exhausted, kinda hopeless, unsupported and unappreciated for all the intensely relentless hard work im putting in every day which isn’t even covering my bills cuz most of my work goes unpaid, so i’m broke as fuck and like i said no one’s helping me especially the one person who is supposed to be. he won’t even get a real job cuz he don’t want the government to track his income so i can’t file for child support. it’s just crazy. i feel absolutely crazy. actually i’m definitely crazy at this point 
If so, ignore. 