Hi all
I’m struggling with alcohol and cocaine abuse. I’m getting help from our local addiction centre.
Unfortunately I don’t seem to be able to make it past one week. I’m starting to feel very frustrated! 
it just takes the slightest inconvenience and I’m off the wagon. I’m not sure what to do anymore!!
Thanks for listening
Dean
Do you have any support or people to hold you accountable? AA, SMART, family, friends?
I have my counsellor (from the local addiction centre) and my husband. I’m speaking to the counsellor every 2 weeks and I’m trying to speak to my husband as much as I can. Unfortunately I only head off getting beers when he’s not home. So when he gets home, it’s too late to stop. At least that’s what I’m telling myself
So it sounds like you need support or distraction when your husband is away. Have you tried an aa meeting?
Help your getting isnt working try a meeting get support there from people who have been were your are now wish you well
Thank you all for your nice words!! Yes, a lot happened and I love drowning it… and I’m stuck in a habit and allowing myself every time to use it as an excuse.
That was a lot to think about, thank you!!! I fell off the wagon today again. But I’m realising more and more that it’s not worth it.
Thanks for the love 
Do you really want to quit?
This is a rhetorical question and you don’t need to answer, but it is a question you should ask yourself.
There was a period of time, where I wanted to quit drinking, mainly because the hangovers got worse and worse. Once the hangover was gone and I felt good, I drank again. This cycle lasted a few years. I didn’t want to quit, I only wanted to stop suffering the consequences.
Eventually, it sunk in and I realized that I had to quit. At this point, I would let nothing stand in my way of getting sober; nothing was off the table. If it took rehab, I’d do it. If it took AA, I’d do it. If it took standing on my head, I’d do it. It worked, been sober for over 4 years, and it all started with the question, do you really want to quit?
This is a good question. I kept asking myself the same question. I do want to quit… and I’m happy with that 90% of the time. As long as I’m busy with work and after work… I don’t miss it at all. But once i know I have an afternoon to myself, my mind goes immediately to getting drinks. Which leads to getting to coke. And as soon as I start drinking, I’m immediately overcome with guilt and bad feelings. Until I drink more and then I don’t care.
I often asked myself if I’m fooling myself… I spoke to my husband about that and told him that I would like to drink a few beers one day a week but he told me that’s not an option as it’s either all or nothing
And thanks for the honesty. That’s why I’m here
And we don’t have AA where I am.
There are online meetings 24/7 available if you want to join in.
Also from the Netherlands?
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is a great book in my opinion. It thoroughly explains this cycle (with which I’m very familiar) and shifts the perspective from the person consuming it, to alcohol being the problem itself because of its addictive nature. I listen to it on Audible. Hope it helps.
People on here from the Netherlands who go to meetings ?
they are online available from all over the world
Welcome to TS.
Here’s some links to meetings, you don’t have to talk or even have your camera on, just listen for the similarities, not the differences when members share their experience, strength & hope, I wish you well and just don’t take that first drink 
&
https://www.aahomegroup.org/#calendar
Have you tried writing in the journal section of this app? Its in the calendar. Click on the day and just start putting down your feelings, fears, hopes, etc. Always finish with a small positive affirmation to yourself even if its a simple, “You’ve got this!” Games on your phone(solitaire, free cell, candy crush) are also a good distraction during this time. Maybe have husband take your car keys?
Pray and ask God to remove the urges, and temptations from you. If you like to read? Find a good book. Have Family and Friends available to talk you out of relapsing. You can do this! Praying for you.
Hi, Deanie, perhaps it’s time to be willing to go to any lengths & consider inpatient rehab? I know it sounds scary but it may be what you need to do. Alcohol & drugs are cunning & baffling. Sometimes we can’t do it alone. Have you been going to meetings either AA or NA? Do you have a Sponsor? Have you ever worked the Steps of AA or NA? Do you have a sober network of women you can call when the desire to drink or use hits? All things I started doing back in '92. I had 2 relapses after significant sober time. I learned working with my Sponsor that relationships, especially endings were a trigger for me. So my Sponsor had me start going to Al A Non & get a Sponsor & work those Steps. I need all 3 programs to stay Sober, Clean and at Peace.
Blessing
Welcome to TS, Mary! Very thoughtful post!
Dean i understand. I cant get passed three days:angry:
. Im sad and angry at the same time. Im motivated and wont give up. I need god to take over. My will is still in the way.