Can we talk about the state of modern dating?

I don’t post on here too much any more, but i’m coming up 3 years sober and i felt like a bit of a vent :joy:

I’m happily sober and happily single at the moment and have been for a while now. I’m certainly open to being in a relationship again but i’ve been on the dating apps recently and it’s now getting to the point where i’d genuinely rather stay single.

Does anyone else feel like modern dating and the conditions in which we now need to endure are completely messed up? It feels like you can’t hold the attention span of anyone for more than 5 messages, every second photo is a picture of a females ass and the current standards of people are way too high.

I don’t consider myself to be brad pitt or anything but i have my life together, take care of myself decent job etc and it genuinely feels like that isn’t enough anymore unless you want to sell your soul pandering to people. Not to mention not being a person who doesn’t spend their weekends in a druken haze.

Honestly i’d genuinely rather not even bother trying to impress anyone who doesn’t feel the need to do the same for me. Super depressing.

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So are you not getting any dates or are you getting them and what shows up makes you run for the hills?

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I’m doing fine date wise…by my standards anyway. I think the problem is that I just find the idea of blind dating in general off putting and the fact that people these days just treat other human beings in the dating world as dissposable. My post is probably less about my struggles with dating and more about how much i feel like its so messed up.

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Online dating is like that yeah.

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Everyone’s standards have risen because you have an endless pool of strangers you can find on your phone as potential matches just by swiping your fingertips. Also no repercussions if it doesn’t work out as you just go back to never seeing them like before you met. Yes it is frustrating, yes people suck, but it can work out sometimes. There are some diamonds in the rough out there. My father met his 2nd Wife 12 years ago on E harmony and I met my current girlfriend of 2 years on tinder. It can happen. But I did weed through some horrible interactions and experiences to find the right person for me. Don’t give up hope!

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I feel like it’s not that i don’t have hope or feel like it could happen, it’s that i don’t see the value in selling my soul and dignity trying to impress anyone who won’t match that energy you know.

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I get this. I’ve gone thru a lot and used a dating app for a few months. Went in three dates with one guy. Realized I’m just not at all interested in romance right now. I might never be interested. I’m just not worried about it. Sobriety has given me such a rich life with so many authentic friends that I’ll be okay without re-partnering.

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I have been with my husband for 31 years and met him the old fashioned way, i couldn’t be dating in this day and age, i feel sorry for people trying to meet a partner now and having to go on apps etc i do believe there is someone out there for everyone so good luck.

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I’m a female, single (happily) really independent and fulfilled life. I think it would be great to have someone to share that with but I gave up on dating apps a couple of years ago, what a heap of crap they are.

I just got fed up with wasting my time by going on dates. Noone was EVER who they made out to be, it just felt like a waste of time (for both of us).

Instead I’ve joined clubs and am widening my social circle, but I think overall I’m not bothered about wifing someone. I don’t want kids and my life is full, it’s easy (from the outside looking in) to see a long term partner as some sort of “insurance” in terms of being a support of you are ever ill or get elderly, or they are someone to learn on… But that’s a false assumption, a partner could just as easily be a drain and a user. So humph!!! If it happens it happens! But he’s gonna have to be special guy.

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I don’t believe there is someone for everyone, I think some people are super independent and thrive on their own. I think there are outliers to the accepted norm that society teaches us.

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This really resonates with me, the thing is, if you were desperate you could probably have partnered up with many different people by now, it’s just that you have standards, and you want those standards to be met.

I have some women friends in my social circle whom are single and really depressed about it, but I think really they need a reminder that being single is their CHOICE… There are many men out there they could partner with but they choose not to because they are looking for something slightly different and not willing to compromise on their criteria.

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Independancy has nothing to do with it, i am super independent and been with my husband 31 years, i do believe we all have that soul mate

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I also feel like in this day and age people are constantly keeping one foot out the door as well emotionally and are really afraid to put it all on the line. As a result you really struggle to find any form of emotional vulnerability in people my age. It just leads to very surface level/superficial interactions and makes it even more difficult to gage what a person is really like.

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I think that’s part of being a fully grown adult tho.
Realism and realistic expectations.
When younger you’re in more of a position to believe that Disney is real.

I feel the same way about online dating. I’ve decided I will likely have to meet someone in real life which is challenging right now as I don’t go out all that much. Someday it will happen I’m sure. But yes you are right it is kind of sad out there especially on the dating apps :confused:

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The dating landscape certainly has changed since I was last single. Back then, it was the mid 90’s and if you wanted to find a date, you actually had to go “find” them. Some popular choices were, school (as a student, not a creeper), through mutual friends, the mall, clubs, or approach random strangers on the street. You had to go through a lot of rejection upfront before getting a phone number. But when you got that number, it was like gold!

Now days, according to my kids, it’s all managed through dating apps and approaching someone in person, unsolicited, is considered creepy. If you meet someone IRL and you’re interested in them, you ask what dating app they are on, then you find them and ask for a date.

If I ever end up single again, I’ll probably just stay single. :man_shrugging:

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I was told I shouldn’t try to date in my first ten years of sobriety. So far it’s going good :heart_eyes:

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Ten years? Crap I’ve already been single 10 years and just got sober :joy:

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Well…I’ve been sober for five years now. Time flies when you’re having fun :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I was of course kidding about the ten years…I suppose it was my way of agreeing with a lot of the things that have been posted in the thread.

I think human species will go extinct pretty soon because forming relationships has become absurd and impossible.

but hey,at least we’re sober.

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Also being sober cuts down on the number of people I’m willing to have sex with by about 95% lol

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