One expression of the strength outside myself that keeps me sober is Talking Sober. Welcome back, I’m very glad you’re telling me that the merry-go-round is still operating and it doesn’t get better.
Just reaching out for help, admitting your condition to yourself and us, is a huge step toward serene sobriety. Here’s a thread that I’ve found helpful with actions to take to grow our sobriety. Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.