Hi mate, I struggled with calling out my problem as that of an alcoholic because like you I could go a month without drinking no problem, have booze in the house and not touch it, have a bottle on the sofa and go to bed leaving 5 in the fridge.
But! Like you when I go last a point and ‘get on it’ I’m drinking in pilot mode and won’t stop until the options have ran out. Beer fear, panics, hate myself drunk all that horrible shit.
I call myself a binge alcoholic. Some don’t like to split hairs but for me it helps to conceptualise my issue.
Happy to chat any time you like pal. Wish you well on understanding your situation. For me I know I can go a long time managing a couple but ultimately eventually I’ll blow up and get absolutely smashed and be back to all those feelings of dread. The easiest route for me is to live life without booze.
It’s a trade off for some of the pleasent times with moderate drinking and peace of mind completely removing any chance of binge drinking and all that goes with it.
God bless 