We all got em. Probably more than one, but many of us refuse to acknowledge them. Some days they are different than others for me.
My CD of the day is from yesterday and it’s self-pity.
Some days are rough, and yesterday was that day. But I allowed the bad day to turn into a bad evening. Then I got in that woe is me bullshit and took it from there. I wallowed in my self pity like a pig wallows in shit. Of course I know a whole bunch of things to do get out of that funk but decided not to do any of em because I really just wanted to be a miserable prick, and a miserable prick I was.
Eventually I FaceTimed another drunk and felt better instantly. But boy, did I sure let my CD shine through for a while.
It gave me a good chance to work steps 10 and 11 today though so it’s not all bad.
Oh I have one from yesterday that I caught too. I was being judgemental like a mofo…
and I would catch myself so I would pull my judgy ass out of it and then BAM I’d have slid right back into judgemental thoughts again. It was awful, especially because these specific judgemental thoughts were the same types of thoughts I had towards my exhusband and I ended up being so resentful towards him. I need to take care of this ASAP.
Happy to see youre back.
Procrastination If its not fun I don’t want to do it. I have been putting a couple of things off so long that its been giving me anxiety. Time to make up for it this week.
Its Sunday so I feel better about not starting today.
Anger and resentment at work. They aren’t going to change just because I don’t like the way it’s going. I have to figure out how to make it better for myself, or get out of there.
Today mine is self pity too. I just posted about it in the lounge. I did absolutely nothing all day but now I’m regretting it. A pity party for one was not the best way to spend my only day off. I’ll have to share about this at my AA meeting tomorrow night. If I don’t bring it to light, I’ll end up getting really down on myself and wind up in a depressive state for days.
My worst CD is self condemnation (I looked this up on a list so it’s a thing). Negative self talk and telling myself I’m not good enough. It can lead straight to depression, so I really need to not go there. I should know that I AM good enough! A good enough mom, a good enough engineer… etc.
Great topic, by the way.
Resentment rears it’s ugly head often. Uve been praying for others that I have the resentment towards… but it has been a challenge. Self pity comes n goes and then the green eyes monster pops up every so often. I’m still learning what my characters defects are. I’m aure there’s a bunch of em haha
I’m stealing that joke! I’m gonna burn everyone I fish with this summer.
I had a political argument with a family member today, it left me very angry.
Something I’ve just learnt is the “Shadow Journal”.
So usually as adults we automatically suppress our “Id”.
The Id is basically our primal self, and it is basically the same as how toddlers act. It is unrestrained in its desires, it throws tantrums etc when it doesn’t get it.
So if we have an argument for example, our Id naturally wants to kick the other person in the face. But the ‘Superego’ automatically puts it in place and says “no that’s bad” etc.
So for the Shadow journal, instead of repressing your base emotion such as anger, self pity, selfishness etc, you embrace and indulge it for 20 minutes or so. Just by ranting into a computer document or on paper.
I tried it today for the first time, basically writing unfiltered without stopping about how I’d like to commit horrible violence on ny family member for disagreeing with me.
Ofc I’d never do that but it allows the violent little Id to express itself and you’re not just telling it to shut up and repress it and storing the emotion in ur body.
Afterwards the anger and resentment totally lifted and I felt light. I did find it helpful and it worked very quickly.
Being to harsh on myself because I’m insecure and want to do perfect so nobody can criticize. But also being harsh on others because of it as well.
But the opposite is that I have used that same character “defect” to get me sober again!
I like this topic!
My CD of yesterday (help me name this please!!!)
You know when someone else is feeling low, for their own personal reasons… But some how I take that sadness as a refection of how much they like me and if they are enjoying my company… I take it personally and then feel like crap because I can’t cheer them up.
What is that called?
This is codependency. Congrats, you pulled the King of all character defects.
Yes that’s a factor! Thinking everything related back to me when it clearly doesn’t.
The king of all character defects!
I feel like I played my best card too early in this thread!!!
I will definitely look that up! Thank you!
Ironically I think that identifying other folks’ CDs is considered a CD in its own right. But I can’t pay too much attention to that one, seriously, I got bigger fish to fry in the CD compartment!
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