I started another thread for my binge eating but i might just check in here for both my drugs and overeating. I’m on day two atm i havent got passed two days in a while. Taking it a day at a time. I want this so bad. I’ve picked up so kuch weight since i started over eating. I can’t go back to being that overweight and unhealthy again. I know i can do it. Just feel weak i guess.
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Your stronger then you give yourself credit for you have proven that. Your heads clear and sober. Things will only get better or more clear with time. Put as much dedication in fixing the relationship as you have put in recovery you will have nothing to worry about it will work out. You can apply it to so many things in life if you look at it …
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That was really encouraging dude thanks heaps. Gave me a bit of a boost
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I guess this has become my rant thread now. I guess its relevant cause im checking in so i dont indulge…man I’ve had some good phases…feeling strong…capable. But if i am completely honest I am so broken atm. I feel so alone. No one to talk to. No family. No friends that can listen. And I feel like worst of all no drugs…im supposed to be learning to regulate my emotions and the only emotion i seem to have is heartache and its the worst one to sit with. I’m supposed to just wait and breathe through the urges until the feelings pass…but they don’t pass. I feel rejected and unloved and eventhough its a temporary (I hope - well i keep telling myself) consequence of my own behaviour i dont know what I’m supposed to do. I feel so abandoned. Crying can only get me so far. I guess I just feel tired of having to suffer because of someone else’s stupid choices when I was a kid. I would never have been this messed up and never have even used drugs to begin with and never would have treated my partner so badly he doesn’t want much to do with me atm. I’m not supposed to be bitter but how do i fix feelings I can’t change…
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Aww honey, sending ehugs to you! Do you have a therapist to help you work thru the emotions? They are really the hardest and worst part for me. Know you’re not alone and we love you here!
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Thanks @MandiH. I see her on a Tuesday but things are pretty rough in between those days. I know I’ll be ok it just doesn’t feel that way I guess.
I would ask her if there is something for those hard and in between times! We will listen for anything you need in between too
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Aaaaaaaaaand food relapse…
Don’t beat yourself too hard. You know what you’re able to do. You fought an addiction before you can do it again. I believe in you 
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Thank u. I regret it. I’m making a cons list about the after effects to remind myself next time…all I can do really.
Thanks heaps Bill
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So something to do different from usual…just because I had one food relapse in the day doesnt mean the entire day is off the cards. Not a reason to just pig out. Not a reason to relapse more. Not a reason to make things worse. Okay i messed up. Okay i regret it. But it was only a medium regret and i dont have to make it a huge regret but going nuts today. So back on the band wagon. Back to it. 
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Checking in at 78 days drug free. Happy ive made it so far. Steuggling for sure to cope with life sober but hopeful for the future. Starting DBT in 2 weeks. Wish me luck 
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Checking in at 81 days drug free and 1 day no food binge. Today in group I left with some difficult thought provoking feelings. I realised that I am running from my feelings because I am so terrified of them. I can’t bare the thought that the people I should have been able to trust the most, have hurt me in the worst way. I can’t accept that it’s happened to me. Like it shouldn’t have happened. I should have done something different. Even more so i refuse to accept that these experiences have affected me for fear of giving these people even more than they have taken from me. And lastly I couldn’t accept that without acknowledgment…without acceptance…without surrender to the truth i will never get my life together. It’s not possible to run anymore. Not with drugs. Not with alcohol. Not with food. Not with any obsession or impulse or addiction. Nothing is going to change what has happened to me. But I can determine the now. I can establish the future. I have accepted i can’t change without accepting that my behaviours indicate i am afraid. I am willing to take the steps to accept the other things one by one and feel the unbearable…but temporary…earth shattering feelings that go with it. I am not believing the lies anymore that I don’t deserve freedom from this. I do. And I have the power to take it. So i will.Hope everyone is going well. Much love. 🕆:v:
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Checking in on day 27 from black…
I almost relapsed tonight but I’m home sober and safe. I want to be a slave to this beast
I made it, day 60 !! Finally feeling some sort of human…
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Congrats my wonderful friend!
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Way to go!!!
Congratulations!!
Did u mean dont want to?