Despite how far I have come in sobriety, I still regularly have this feeling that something is missing, like I need something more. I’ve thought a lot about it and realized that what I think it is, is that I need to feel like I am a part of something – to contribute and to be a piece of something larger.
I had that feeling when I played on my soccer team, or in my old job at work when I led a team of 30+ people (although I did not like being responsible for the work of others). I can’t play soccer anymore (at least for now) and my current job at work has much better pay and freedom, but I am alone in it.
I get so many ideas on how to re-engage, things I could be a part of, but never follow through on. I think I mentioned here before that there is a history museum nearby I could volunteer at. I also thought about a 2nd job, maybe in a restaurant, which I have done before…just something with other people, where I feel part of a group in real life. There is a Mexican restaurant here that we just found, and it seemed so friendly and like a nice place to work a bit…I’d kill two birds with one stone, make new friends and improve my already decent Spanish.
I can literally feel myself losing my social skills the longer this goes on.
That Breitner is only a few meters from where the Monet is friend. I love it too, as Breitner is among my top beloved painters, and was considering posting it here. A bit too bleak for my mood right now though. I live next door to Oosterpark where this painting is an image of. It looks a lot merrier these days.
Day 15
So many good posts I cannot read this morning.
We are now getting into the meat of the work week. I am crazy busy today. I have a Smart meeting after work, so another long day in the office. Starting to nail down an exercise routine. MWSS - bike & Tues.Th.- Off day and Smart meeting
@Jen2020@Hopeful777@Shannon1980
Now is the time when we let our guard down. We are in the donut hole between 2 & 3 week milestones. However, our wonder twins power will not let this happen. In fact, we are going to crush this and celebrate 3 weeks sober together!!!
You know yourself best friend. I think you got some excellent ideas there. So my only suggestion is to follow through on something! Just do it. Saying this to you as well as to myself even though I’m a year behind you. I feel I need to be more socially active instead of the stupid hanging around in a bar I used to do. You got some great ideas, I still need to find them. And then follow up on them too, I know from experience I’m not the best at doing that either. I’d say start with one thing. And really engage in that one thing. For a month. Or 2 or 3. if it doesn’t work out try something else. One step at a time. We know the deal right? Success.
Good morning, Tristan. I’m there with you on the bad back struggle bus this morning. I’ve got an appointment with the doctor today to get a referral for treatment. My diagnosis, which is a shot in the dark, it a bulging disc with a pinched nerve. I aggravated it eating breakfast a couple days ago. Impressive, I know.
I’m trying not to advise others on their journey, but since you asked for suggestions…Beware of giving your time to make more profit for others. More work isn’t going to fill your cup. If you’re low on funds and need to do it, by all means I understand. Or if you wanna explore a career change, i totally relate.
But if you can serve others in a volunteer role, I think that’s where you find the joy without expectations of compensation. I made great tips bartending on the side, I met my wife, I funded a couple vacations that way. The staff was friendly and great…because many were sneaking shots of rumplemintz behind there bar or bumps of cocaine in the storage coolers.
It’s social, for certain but it’s not the intimate interactions with sober people that I know that I need to make time for. There’s joy in service, but in my opinion…they weren’t talking about enchiladas.
I’ve always found a bar job is great for reconnecting to people. Obviously I’ve not tried it since getting sober, but you have made me think about whether I could do it if I had to. And I reckon I could.
Go for what yo feel comfortable with Tristan. You know that whatever it is, you will do it to the best of your ability
Yeah so I’m not in it for the dough (although who doesnt love a bit of extra cash lying around), its more for the interaction. I thought of the restaurant possibility because I used to love working in a kitchen 10+ years ago.
At the Mexican place, the manager was actually waiting on us. I nearly told him on the spot that if he’d let me work there for a night or two a week, I’d do it for free. Held back to think about it though, as time is a precious commodity and I’d need to make it work with my full-time job without spreading myself too thin. My Spanish is pretty good, although not fluent and I’d like to get there…just no one to practice with. Working at this place would tackle that, as well as meeting people.
Mitch you may be right though, may not be what im looking for, could be romanticizing it.
They do quite a few articles. And I do believe there is some shift in how people are viewing addiction and treatment. Definitely out from the shadows and a good deal of resources available for people.
Well, I’m sober! Wow. I woke up this morning feeling grateful. No nasty feelings of guilt to deal with. And was available for my wife. We made love this morning. We haven’t done it in over 2 months because I still also struggle with being sexually anorexic with her. Pretty messed up, wanting to have sex with every other woman except my own wife. I want what I don’t have, and I don’t want what I have. Grow up, right?
Well, anyways, today is a new day with fresh starts. The desire to act out is still there, but so far, I’m being successful to saying “No” to the first thought and the first look. If there’s not a first, there won’t be a second, or a third, or a fifth, or an eighth.
Going to CR tonight. Yeah! Look forward to doing it sober.
I crossed some boundaries yesterday. I own up to that. And if it weren’t for the blocks on my phone, I would be back at day one. But I’m not. I’m still sober from P and MB, and I’m gonna take it.
Good afternoon everybody . I’m about an hour away from smashing into Day 9 and I’m feeling great again today!
Theres still plenty to do in the house but not tonight, I’m going to get dinner on the go, have a bath and relax. I’m sure I can manage that.
Have a good day everyone
Day 138! Been away from here as I’ve been keeping more active in my recovery email group and talking to my sponsor. Working on Step 9 now. Have been doing well with my abstinence from compulsive eating behaviors. The only weak moments have been when I was not being mindful of my recovery tools.
Keeping busy with activities that are life-affirming and enjoyable helps!!
!!!
. I’m about an hour away from smashing into Day 9 and I’m feeling great again today!
