@TMAC Your sobriety is definitely being tested. Stay strong brother. And I have to believe your doctor can find a med that will help “clear the clutter” without triggering you to abuse it. Definitely not my area of expertise but I’m with you all the way!
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Sorry you’re struggling.
I wrestle with this fear also, Mel. I think being at peace with death means a lot of things to many different walks of life. It’s the great mystery. The idea of not existing is certainly scary and organized religion never really held any answers for me. Through it did provide a narrative for me to begin understanding God in my own way and I’m grateful for that. I believe the tenets of different faiths all hold a piece of the puzzle.
If time is eternal and if our soul is real, the possibilities are endless. Maybe puffy clouds and halos and Saint Peter and the resurrection is just a story that brings peace to some. But there are a lot of holes in that story for me.
This is gonna sound strange. To me, infinite time and the multiverse theory gives me the thought that my consciousness won’t end. Maybe my soul will be washed clean and restored, maybe I will get a new lease. I will face lessons again, I will meet certain souls again and I will be given those opportunities to learn and grow. Under different circumstances with a new form and a different reflection in the mirror.
Maybe these are the ramblings of someone who smoked too much grass in the past. However it helps me to be at ease when I have those existential fears pop up.
As with anything, move towards the discomfort. Breathe into it.
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Congrats Ariel! You are rocking your sobriety. I’m trying to get motivated to get back on a healthy eating & exercise program after coming back from vacation. You are officially my motivation! 
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Good for you man! I can’t wait to hear about your next chapter!
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Holding someone I care for for a while helps with this a bit. Human touch and a little bit of gratitude to be aware of the moment I’m in with someone. Sharing a warm bed with someone who knows that fear when I wake in a cold sweat is a small help. Just gotta be mindful not to cling too tightly 
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517 (516.99). Its been an awesome day! God continues to provide.
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Day 15. Super good Tuesday for you all!!
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Checking in to another 24hrs 
.
Beautiful full day. Worked out with my brother, took care of some personal issues and enjoyed life. Finished my day out with a meeting. It’s great having my routine back. School starts soon and my major plans really start to kick off and I’m excited about it and ready for a nice 3 years of school with a tech program and carrying that into my BA. I’m happy I have these plans but I’m happier I’m still able to just focus on today. Another day sober, another day to take in the life on life’s terms. I’m not reckless but I’m not afraid anymore. Not everything I have planned will go perfectly but what doesn’t go perfectly just gives me more opportunities to practice character defects I have and sharpen them. I continue to push myself in my recovery. I’m constantly hungry, always developing my weak points but never forgetting to strength and hone my strong points. I will not stop one thing to build another. I will build it all. I will continue to strive for greatness and be happy with just another day sober!
Edit: I forgot to add this. Heard it at my meeting tonight and it was amazing to me. “Everyday you are not developing and strenghing your own recovery, you are taking a day closer to your next relapse”.
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Day 60. Slept over 8 hours for the first time in a loooong time. Still tired but feeling OK. One more day of work to go, 5 days off after. I’m sober and happy to be. Have a good sober day all.
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Congratulations on 60 days man! It may not have been how you imagined but you fucking did it! Keep fighting man and I’m really sorry about your loss
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(david attenborough voice)
Observe. The curious squirrel. Watching quietly to see if the elusive @SoberWalker can approach her morning check in unfettered by the chains of thread congestion.
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318 days sober.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself the question, “Was I really that bad”? The answer is not going to compromise my sobriety because I really like where I am right now, regardless, that’s a dangerous game to play.
The obvious answer is yes, I was that bad. But the real answer is, it doesn’t matter, I’m 1,000X better today than I have ever been, and each day I’m getting even better.
Damn this long commute… 
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- Think I have well and truly understood now whatever happens or however bad I feel I won’t drink to feel better.
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You made my day start with a big SMILE @Eke!! Thank you for that!
I haven’t had one error so far! Let’s see what it does when I’m on the end of my contribution. But I think you nailed it 
Squirrels rule! 
@Mno congratulations with your 2 months sober,
and a big hug for you
That’s so true! My mom died a long time ago. It was hard, but it changed me for the good. It learned me you have only today, this day. Tomorrow it all can be different or gone.
Congratulations with your first week @Mooije 
And…it works! No more error’s!!
🤸 🤸 🤸
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Checking in on day 37 
Countdown for holidays has started. Excited but also a bit scared 
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It is scary hun, but I have faith in you, have a good sober plan is place ready. You got this 
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Day 323 
Cleaned up a old box with memories. Found a letter of a job I had more then 20 years ago. I’ve worked there only for 1,5 year, but that were the longest 1,5 year of my life!!
That place made me sick. At the end it was that bad when I waited for my bus to go there I had the urge to trow up.
I kept that letter to never forget what I’ve learned from it: never stay in a bad job and hoping it would turn out better.
Reading that letter made al that angry feelings pop up again, like I was there again 
I allmost got a burnout back then but finally decided to look for another job and finish there. One of my best decisions EVER!
Ripped the letter in pieces now and trown it away. I don’t need that ugly reminder anymore, I’ve learned
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Teamwork! 
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