Checking in on beautiful day 151. Had some cravings this morning. Lacked custody of my eyes. Started reading posts on TS. Doing better now. This does pass.
Thanks everyone.
13 Likes
On day 4 and new here - hi everyone! After years of failed moderation attempts, realizing I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t remember going to bed multiple nights each week, constantly being somewhere on the hangover spectrum, and noticing that feeling like garbage is apparently my new “normal”…this is my first-ever genuine attempt at sobriety. I like daytime because I sleep, I’m hydrated, and I’m not hung over. I dread evenings, because THAT voice (I’m confident you all know the one) starts nagging at me. Sometimes it’s a whisper, sometimes it’s a desperate scream…but its constantly there, reminding me that I could “just have 1” (then one more, then just one more, then okay I better top it up). My brain made the choice to stop, yet my brain wont shut the f#$k up about wanting a drink past 5pm. Make up your mind, brain.
20 Likes
Thanks! And actually remember what I read lol
1 Like
Welcome aboard!
I can relate to so much of what you’ve written.
Being here with these good people, every day, has helped me immensely.
1 Like
I’m so excited to hear how it goes!!
1 Like
Howdeeee, day five, spent the day with my two nephews and son at a science museum. Blissed out and exhausted!
14 Likes
Day 13…I’m going to go ahead and call it good bc I have no intention of breaking my sobriety today. I will see 2 weeks tomorrow. Two weeks that I need to mentally be tough for moving ahead. I know I keep repeating this, but this is about the time I convince myself I can just drink at home and it won’t matter, social drinking is where I really fail but I even fail at home and I need to be honest with myself. Since I am back in school pursing my bachelors in nursing, I was recently thinking about when I graduated with my first bachelors, many moons ago. You know what sticks out about that graduation day?? That I didn’t throw up or have to leave the ceremony due to the massive hangover I had. Graduation was in the morning. I remember my eyes were bloodshot, my head was pounding and my stomach was turning. Just another memory that should be held in regards of Happy Times, but ruined by alcohol, by me. I was 22 then. I have a lot of these stories, with big moments in life, holidays, family vacations, etc…I’m going to start writing about them to keep my head in this sober life. I think this is the most I’ve opened up on here. Guess I’m just feeling it. Have a good one sober party people!
11 Likes
Strong 41days!
20 Likes
Great post KAL.
I also used to think as long as I didn’t take my show on the road I’d be alright. Nope. I sucked at solitary home drinking as well.
Easier to be free of it altogether. 
1 Like
- My very pregnant sister visited today!I haven’t seen her since pre-baby bump. She and her husband are so happy
My sister is 2 and half years older than me, about a foot shorter than me and from a very early age, we had a really lovely relationship. Her name is Holly and shes my lil-big sis. My Mum told us today (and has in the past) that when we were toddlers, we had our own language. Holly was able to communicate with the big babies (adults) and regularly would translate for my Mum. I always found that quite funny…
Mum: “Holly, what does the baby want?”
Holly: “He wants some cinnamon sherbert”
Mum: “Right on”
Holly is 31 and throughout all my years in active addiction was the most consistent person I had close to me. She always looked out for me but she always knew there was nothing she could do about it except be there for me when I had that moment or clarity. For years, her and my mother were my closest ally and my go to’s but Holly was the person I gravitated towards most. I see Holly now and the look she throws me when she gives me a hug is totally different. Where once it was concern, fear and panic, it’s now relief, calm and joy. She knows how hard I resisted getting clean - getting clean didnt make any sense to me but at no point did she ever miss a beat.
Holly (Hols, as my brother and I have called her since time immemoria) is a truly lovely woman and one of life’s special people. It gives me so much joy to see her and her husband (Ben) about to become parents themselves and really loving their journey. Holly doesnt look out for me as much as she used to nowadays - she knows I’m all good and on a sober path. Shes always been a driving positive support behind me before sobriety and in it and Ben is a good man; exactly the kind she deserves as a partner and support through her life. They look after eachother so well and they’re going to be phenomenal parents
I very seldomly see Holly and Ben but I’m really happy I managed a rare Saturday off to spend with then.
Another thing about Holly is she has this awesome pair of Rayban aviators. I didnt say anything out loud but I’m certain that had Mum have asked ‘What does Josh want?’ even after 27 years, Holly would still be blissfully unaware I absolutely hate cinnamon sherbet
25 Likes
You are right! Free from the hangovers is one part of my motivation.
It was good, I think. It’s the first time I’ve really sat down and just talked about some of the kind of stuff we talk about here. I didn’t get emotional there but I felt it after.
The meditation theme was forgiveness and the discussion after was interesting. It made me feel like I am on the right track in some ways but also confirmed some issues I know I need to deal with but haven’t quite worked out how yet (expectations, seeking validation, escapism).
I picked up a copy of the Recovery Dharma book and am looking forward to working through it. I will go back and see where it takes me!
5 Likes
That’s so great! The nearest refugee recovery meeting to me is an hour away and it doesn’t quite fit with my schedule, but the Buddhist Sangha that I sit with weekly is like a meeting as well and like half of the people there are familiar to me from my recovery focused meetings 
This made me smile. Thanks for sharing. Holly sounds like an absolutely wonderful sister. 
3 Likes
Day five. Went to put my feet in the lake and watch my brother-in-law finish a relay race. There was plenty of alcohol available at the finish line (which hadn’t occurred to me). I felt the familiar tug in the pit of my stomach to have a drink, but I focused on my breath, let it pass, and walked away. So I’m calling it a win. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
11 Likes
Day 34 check in 
9 Likes
Thankyou She is lovely.
1 Like
Day 134. Gonna clean up my mess of an apartment and prepare food for the week. Exciting, heady stuff! Best all!!!
10 Likes
Day 2 check in. Spent an amazing day hanging with kids at a trampoline park, having a late lunch at Red Robins and coming home to play Catan and Unstable Unicorns. My night was almost ruined by work drama, but I put my big girl pants on and dealt with the situation head on. Now here I am sipping on water instead of beer or smoking myself stupid. I am relearning how to cope with these types of situations. I’m thankful for the amazing support I have from my boyfriend and you people here! Thanks for the warm welcome back! I feel at home!
21 Likes
Hey! I’d love to hear how this went! Your drive and lack of complacency to keep on your journey is inspiring. 
1 Like