You’re so weird 
If you don’t have a neti pot or hydra sense you should. It helps. It’s like a little shower for your nose.
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Hope you feel better! I am miserable when I am sick too. I just want to be left alone. 
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172- feeling strange. I don’t want to drink but have been thinking about it in general lately. Last night in bed I was reminded of all those nights in isolation of my « little Leah and alcohol » parties. I think the isolation really tricked me into thinking alcohol was my friend. She understood me and made me feel safe. I remember feeling so relaxed some nights before falling asleep thinking and dare I even say it: I could die right now as I am perfectly and safely content in my buzzing cocoon. Alcohol was not my friend. She is a bitch. I was not safe or really comfortable. It was all a rouse. I went to these parties every night, alone, and really, honestly sad.
Whoa…that’s heavy. On a lighter note. My husband, a glass blower made these last night!
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@keiti @Rose14 @siand @Mno Thank you. I really appreciate the encouragement. It’s good to have kind voices of others to balance out the ones in my head. On TS when it comes to friends I feel incredibly wealthy. If I could just “import” everyone into my offline life I would! 
Anyone making any breakthroughs on teleportation technology?
@siand The obstacle to me doing things I like to meet people is that most group activities cost money. I can manage a subsidized membership to the local Y (which I’m doing), but programming is lacking, and going through more cuts at the end of this month, so I don’t know if there’ll be anything left I can see myself doing. Church will be good, but I don’t make it there every week because it’s difficult for me to get over there. I went back to an AA meeting Monday, and though I’m not super excited about it, it’s not like it’s going to be bad for me to keep going lol. Maybe this sounds kinda sad, but I’m also going to the dog park a fair amount even though I don’t have a dog, because people are 10x more likely to be socially open there, and sometimes there’s opportunities for brief conversations. You’re totally right though, to just keep putting myself out there, I’m not losing anything by trying.
@Mno That’s basically what I’m doing to weaken my phobia around being in vehicles! I show up to take the bus whether I think I’ll succeed or not. Sometimes I get on, and sometimes I turn around and flee. Sometimes I get on, but get off after only a few stops and walk back home. When it comes to fear, trying your honest best is a form of success, even if you don’t get all the way to where you wanted to go.
@Bks Tons and tons of people go through that social shift. You might find out who is a friend and who was only a drinking buddy holding you back. You’ll make new friends. You’ll come to appreciate the sober connections being so much more real, and present. Might not be easy, but it’ll be positive!
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James, the dog park is a brilliant idea. 
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nää on niitä pahoja hetkiä. mulla oli niitä myös alussa paljon. toivottavasti helpottaa pian. onko mitään hemmottelua tai vastaavaa mikä auttaisi pahimpaan?
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Wow, that looks like such an amazing place!
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I got pregnant in Rhode Island (drinking age was 18 back then) …after getting wasted at a Chinese restaurant. I thought I was very adult…the legal drinking…not getting pregnant…I obviously didn’t realize Woonsocket RI was where I conceived my daughter until a month or so later.
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Shakti mats are popular and expensive as I recall. What is the draw?
ask a friend who has a dog if you can borrow it to take to the dog park. I would LOVE to have someone take 1 of my 4 for individual attention!
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I don’t know anyone in (or near) town to begin with is the problem, I’m starting completely from scratch unfortunately. Since it’s a beach too and not only a dog park (even though I only ever see people with dogs there), it’s not so awkward for me to just go and sit. Just a little depressing sometimes, but if nothing else the walk to and from is good for me.
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Day 440
Maybe I’m not as adventurous as I used to be, but I’m thinking about giving up on my trip to NYC in 2 weeks. I was planning on driving there to see Morrissey in Queens. Those of you that know me on here know how much I love Morrissey. The last time I saw him, I did the same thing…drove all the way from here for a quick overnight stay in NYC to go. That was 3 years ago. I’m flying solo on it, just like last time too.
I’d love to see the show…It’s just the driving I’m worrying about, I guess – I’m not sure if I’m up for it. 4.5 hrs each way is a solid long drive. Been debating all day if I want to sell my ticket and cancel my AirBnB, or just go for it.
First world problems, am i right?
EDIT: I just remembered that I was on adderall for the drive last time…so that explains how I made it through that one 
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That sounds like a really fun experience and it’d be too bad to have to miss out… what about the train? or a bus? I imagine the travel time would be at least comparable and you wouldn’t actually have to drive.
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That’s definitely a thought! I hadn’t looked into that. Thanks James!
I’m sure once I get there, whether it be by bus, train, car, dog sled…I’ll be glad I went and consider it “worth the trip”. Interpol is opening, too. I like their first album a lot. They kinda went south after that.
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If you go by dog sled, post pictures please.
I mean, post pics. But especially if dog sleds are involved 
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I can totally relate. I recently booked a trip by myself and have been questioning it quite a bit. I flip-flop between thinking itll be a great trip and a chance for me to reflect, build confidence and rest and worrying that i’ll feel really lonely and bored. Why are you doubting your trip?
Wierd is good 
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Day 3 checking in. Gonna be a ruff weekend but I can do this. Gonna hit up an AA meeting before work!
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A combination of the lengthy drive being an overall pain in the ass, and also - something I failed to mention in my original post – still dealing with a lingering back injury. My ticket is general admission/standing, directly in front of the stage. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stay on my feet for 4-5 hours straight, maybe more. If I piss off my back, I’m out of commission for a week.
What are you doubting about your trip? I will say I did my first “proper” solo trip later the same year as my first trip to NYC, I went to Iceland on my own for a week. I actually did get all of what you said: tons of opportunity to reflect, built confidence in myself. Those things really do happen when you travel solo. I had so much doubt on the first morning, I felt lost, alone, like I had made a massive mistake – but very quickly I was able to get a grip and it really was a great thing for my personal development. I only got bored on one day, and so I just took a really long drive (had a car rented). My favorite moments were when it was just me, the open road, and music on the car stereo. I’d say go for it, man!
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I didnt realise your back was still a problem sorry. I hope it gets better soon. Back and neck is the worst. Is Morrissey worth the pain? From what I understand there’s a good chance he’ll cancel it anyway 
I bet Iceland was awesome. It’s on my list. I think youre right. The holiday is a good idea. Ive tried to plan my days so I always have somewhere to go. I guess its also encouraging that drinking isn’t one of my concerns. Havent even thought about it. Im just a bit scared that itll highlight some of the things I feel right now and I wont have my cave to run back to. Whats the worst that can happen tho really? I spend most of my time bored on my own anyway 
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