if I hadn’t of read your post I wasn’t going to type yet as I didn’t feel ready. Maybe that’s another sign for both of us.,Do what’s in your heart bc your mind will give you a million reasons not to but the only one that matters is love.
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Btw, I didn’t exactly make it the first or a couple times afterwards; but you all still showed me 
.
So no apologies or anything needed, glad to see you back.
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Thanks for checking on me. I just can’t do it right now. My desire to be sober is gone. But I’m still going to lurk around here, you never know. Back in May of 2018 when I first joined here, I was so into it and motivated. I would love to capture that. However, if it’s not something I actually want, I don’t see how I can do it. Sigh.
Right now I’m not on any crazy bender, just whatever. I don’t want to post too much or check in because I will feel like a fraud.
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Thanks! I had a great and productive day; I took a2 hour bike ride, got to see my son and gave him a chair and ottoman so I rearranged the living room!
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Glad to see you back Paul. And looking forward to your progression.
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Nice to see you hitting 60 days my friend. I must keep going, no matter what or how many times I just can’t walk away so easily. Well done again. 
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(Ahem,
)!
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Just know that we’re all here for you whenever you’re ready Beth. Stay safe in the meantime. 
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what day are you on now.
30 today!
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Day 5 almost over, just a couple of more hours.
I decided to ask my mom tomorrow if I could stay there a couple of weeks. Much easier in the begining to have support and dont be lonley.
Will bring my computer and ps4 so I can entertain myself 
To all of you in here!
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You and me both my dear, I uninstalled this and left 2 WhatsApp groups deleted Skype AA yet here I am slightly embarrassed, might only last a couple of days again but who knows, none of us know when our last one will be or when our next one could be but shall we just see what happens each morning. I wasn’t going to post today but I needed to reply to Jane about her situation. Turns out if you delete the timer app I still got emails from TS, luckily. I know how your feeling, I hide in my shell when I need the most help, I cut off when I should be shouting out, I don’t want to be everyone else’s burden to the same people that genuinely want to help and they don’t get tired of us and our problems. All we see on here is people doing the best they can on any given day.
We’ve all got something to offer and we all need help. Welcome to recovery 
fuck it let’s go mad, have a pig and broccoli 
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Donna I’m not just saying this but that is bloody brilliant news, I know how hard you have worked to get to 30 days. Funny how people’s strength and motivation get passed around on here. We really do all need each other at different times on our own journeys.
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Thank you Paul. I appreciate you here more than YOU know!
I know that wasn’t subtle with the “ahem”, lol…but you are a big part of my success.
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I’m glad you told me, I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world.
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Thanks! It’s hard not to feel like a total screw up. This time is different. There is a sense of relief. When I started AA back in 1987, I would compare myself to the war stories. I was nothing like those people. There will always be a story worse, yet I hang on to the one that is worse than mine to justify my not having a problem. That’s why I stopped AA. It’s a personal issue that I would convince myself I wasn’t like them, until I was. But there will always be someone who was worse, so I need a different program not based on what we did, but rather what we choose for our future if that makes sense. At this particular time, I’m trying to moderate. As stupid as I know that sounds, it’s what I want. I’ve recently gained so much strength in myself that I feel it’s possible. I can see how cringy this sounds.
I’ve been great at setting boundaries especially with my abusive ex. I literally kiss his ass, try to help him, and care for his wellbeing. My daughter calls it Stockholm Syndrome. People wonder why I’m so nice to him, and it makes them question my story. I assume anyway. But I don’t know. I’ve recently, this past week, came to a point where I know longer care what a clinically diagnosed psychopath and sociopath thinks of me. I no longer have a desire to help him. I’ve come to the point where I woke up and I’m embarrassed that I married someone 20 years younger than me, that gave me multiple TBI’s and back damage done bad I can barely breath some days. I realized that I just wanted someone, anyone to love me the way that I love.
It’s been an insane week epiphany wise. When I shut him down, he finally got our suspended driver’s license issue handled. I was strong, but only because I finally don’t care anymore. It’s a lot of work, and I mean exorbitant work for me not to care.
I guess I’m rambling. I have trauma dating back to the age of 7 to cope with. I’ve just never had the money or insurance. Once I’m able, I fully intend to get therapy.
Again, thank you. I’m here for you as well. I appreciate you caring more than I’m able to express
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Day 25 is 1/2 way done. Just ordered some Wings and a Boli getting ready to watch a movie with the Wife and my Son. Can’t tell you the last time my 15yo som wanted to sit on the couch with us. I guess he is getting bored LOL!!
Stay Safe Everyone!
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it’s not cringe worthy, I told everyone I spoke to yesterday I had this under control and I’m going to drink a couple of days a week. I’m strong enough to do that but even as the words come out my brain is already laughing at me and I’m like no really I can handle it now, I’m going to be a normal drinker, but I woke up today and I don’t want one. What are we all like hey. If you ever want to get all that other crap out of your head DM me anytime, I’ll get back to you ASAP. I’m cheaper than therapy and I’ve got good ears and broad shoulders.
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Glad to see you, my friend.
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I’m going to do that because I feel like everyone else here has sadly given up on me. Can’t say I blame them. It’s why I went mia to begin with.
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