Day 2: I’m feeling much better today and had a thought “maybe I can have some wine at dinner and I just won’t get out of control”. That thought quickly stopped when I realized I have set myself a new goal. If I have a drink then I’m not going to stop. Even if I buy one bottle I will come down and be depressed because I have no more.
If I drink today then tomorrow I will feel like crap. I won’t get a goodnight sleep and I won’t be able to go for my morning walk. I won’t be able to exercise. I won’t be able to clean the house or work I’m building my home office.
I think I’m going to exercise instead, and then write in my journal we will see how this day turns into a night and how that affects my mood and my intentions.
Today I am grateful for being able to find this safe space. All of your stories really ground me to where I want to be. I will be back later when I expect to have tough times.
Day 22 here. I woke up feeling off, today. I was wanting a drink for the first time in days. Maybe it’s the boredom, maybe I had wonky dreams last night. I just feel crabby. I’ve been eating healthy and last night we ordered mexican food which I have been craving like mad. It made my stomach hurt, but I got up and ate the leftovers for breakfast anyway. I feel like my mood is self destructive today for some reason.
So I came here to remind myself why I’m doing this and refocus on my sobriety. I feel calmer now. Thanks for being there everyone.
30 days today! This 30 days was sooo much easier than last time! My last couple relapses were IT for me. They were just hell. So I really feel confident in my sobriety this time around. I have really evolved from missing alcohol to enjoying life without it. I never want to go back to that prison called addiction! Happy sober day everyone…
I am glad you have a taper off schedule. You can do it!! The insomnia really sucks but you will get through it and being able to sleep and manage anxiety on your own terms is such a blessing… I pray you can enjoy life soon without the benzos!
Just Checking in
Trying to get in the habit of checking in every day. Had an opportunity to use today (recieved money) but instead used it on things that were actually needed. Right now I’m trying to build that relationship with the Creator… building up that defense against the first drink/drug. Decided to go into work today too which brings up anxiety due to working in a group home setting with this covid19 going around. Theres anywhere from 8-15 people in this house at one time so social distancing is not really an option. But my shift is almost over and I’m going to go to bed clean and sober tonight. That’s what matters the most
Day 97.75
Checking-in.
I have been at it all day.
7 am - grocery store
8-9 am walk for coffee
10 - 12 yard mow, trimmer, blow off
12 - leftover Chili Rellenos
1 - 3 serious trimming of bushes on side of the house. They were in major need of trimming.
3 - 4:30 - cleaner and pressure wash porch and porch furniture.
5 - corn is on the grill with bone-in pork chops not far behind.
Then work and bed. Overall a productive day. I wanted to get out on the bike, but ran out of time.
Here are the rocking chairs and teak folding table I cleaned. Had them for years.
Day 16 and my mom came by today. I also posted on a Facebook group for Op Add about my dreams of using. I guess it’s pretty common cuz other people also had same thing. Someone messaged me and said it was about my post. I replied but he just offered me drugs. I stopped replying. I ate too much today and uhm thinking about skipping dinner. Tomorrow I have my outpatient program for 3 hours. Hope everyone is doing well.
Checking in on day 3.
Feeling MUCH better today. My mood seems to be starting to stabilize and I was able to have a pretty productive day. Feeling good!
I have been off the benzos for almost 11 months now. The last straw for me was the insomnia from coming off it. I thought I heard my baby fall out of her crib I rushed in her room and my heart fell out of my chest when I saw her on the floor… I rushed to get her and it was a stuffed animal. She was sound asleep in her crib. I imagined the whole thing. Never again.
is on the grill with bone-in pork chops not far behind.
