- More coffee. Just did the 2nd part of the intake for a possible treatment for personality disorder. Will hear the result and advice in a couple weeks. Much what was asked about how I felt and acted over the years is hard for me to answer because I’ve been under the influence for so long, hiding my true feelings and emotions.
I’m starting to really understand why you should be away from your addiction for a couple of years at least before undertaking big life changing stuff like starting new relationships or careers. Coming into touch with my true self takes a big amount of time and work and I feel like I just started. Happy I did start though. Sober and clean. One day at a time. Have a good day all. Love from Amsterdam where Luna enjoys the morning sun.
27 Likes
your got a good streak going on now, doesn’t seem 2 minutes since your last little meltdown 
. Good vibes coming out, well done dude… fucking dude, like I ever say dude in the real world 
1 Like
Don’t be a stranger.
3 Likes
WOW!!!
1 Like
proud as punch… sorry not punch, a mocktail. 
2 Likes
Day 3 just checking in.
11 Likes
Great to see you back. I suggest being this active before you start drinking, rather than after. You’ve been here long enough to know that people who are more active on the forum seem to stay sober.
4 Likes
Hello! Day 3 for me, but also Day 3 no smoking either.
It’s no joke, my body feels more incredible than ever, I haven’t had this much luck with both of them at the same time in almost 9 years.
I told my roommate last night that this may be the year I quit smoking and his reaction was incredibly supportive.
Side note, I think for the first time ever, I’m realizing I may have developed a light allergy to… Something. My symptoms line up with pollen but it may also be the dry mountain air.
Also, ITS FRIDAY!
wishing you all a lovely 24
16 Likes
Day 116.33
I haven’t checked-in for a couple of days. Frankly I have been getting my ass handed to me at work. 3 different big projects are hitting at the same time. I was hoping this would not happen, but that is the way it goes. I am frantically trying to get each one of them moving in the right direction. A couple are trying to sway off track, but I keep heaving them back. Not complaining though. Glad to be working.
Hopefully everyone has a great and sober Friday!!!
Be well and stay well!!
18 Likes
@Dolse71 you are doing an excellent work!! Congratulations
Day 8 here and hoping to pass well this day
8 Likes
of course that’s your decision but imo your post was perfect, isn’t this what we do share, take the load off and give each other a boost for the day. I only posted a picture of a chicken bc you started off by saying you should be chicken in more often I still don’t know if it was a joke or a typo bc earlier I read, I’m sofa king tired and wasn’t sure what that was about either. 
3 Likes
Thomas my friend looks like we got a bit of a run going at last. Stay strong it’s only 24 hours, easy peasy!!!
3 Likes
Hi @Charlie_c, nice to see you! I remember you when I first came here; I am back after a few fails but I do learn more about why I drink each time. I also know I have to do something each day to add to my success this time.
I downloaded the audible app and have been listening to some good books on the subject. Also listening to speaker meetings on YouTube.
So glad you’re back at it!
4 Likes
8 double whoot’s
Checking in 14 hours sober still feeling like crap. I know I need to stop choosing to drink I’ve got to for my health and happiness. So here I go again for the last time I can do this. I’ll use my SMART tools and meetings and this app god willing I’ll do this here I go. Peace out xxx
11 Likes
So proud of you for embarking on this journey @Mno. It’s no small task but hopefully will improve your quality of life!
2 Likes
Day 706
LONG POST AND POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING (pill talk)
After meeting with my therapist for a month, she has suggested that many of my symptoms of depression etc could very well be stemming from my untreated ADHD. She has said that a number of things I’ve said, right down to the letter, are huge flags that are indicative of such, and that untreated ADHD in adults can often manifest with symptoms mimicking depression, or can outright cause co-exisiting depression to develop and/or worsen. I’ve read a ton about it in the past weeks and I think she could very well be right. I had never really considered it. I read the wiki page about adult adhd (I know, not realiable, but I did read legit medical sources too) and the descriptions listed there were like looking in a mirror.
I was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was 27, but it explained a lot at the time. And based on my discussions with my therapist (who is a PhD LMHC, but not MD) as well as what I’ve read about untreated adult ADHD, it really does explain a LOT about what I have felt and experienced over the past 2 years since I stopped taking adderrall. Honestly, I regularly forget that I have ADHD because I have just lived most of my whole life this way, and I have always been told I’m just depressed, unmotivated, etc (not by medical professionals, but by people in my life – especially growing up).
She said the main things that fit it to a “T” are that I constantly feel “in a fog”, only able to focus on fun/personal interests, history of substance abuse, the obsessive clinging to my routine in order to get by, irritability, easily bored with activities and relationships, constantly hunger for stimulation and novelty, and most of all the way I explained how adderall felt when I was using it as prescribed (before I started abusing it): I explained as a “night and day difference” and the first time I ever felt “normal”. She said that’s a textbook explanation given by people who truly need it, right down to the wording I chose. I had the hyperactive part when I was a kid (behavioral problems, issues regulating emotions, outbursts), those have since tapered off as I’ve gotten older. That’s apparently common, and in adults it will manifest as constant mental noise, difficulty making decisions, and perpetual restlessness – another thing I reported to her that she sited as a flag.
So, I am meeting with my PCP on Monday to figure this out. I want to discuss non-stimulant options first, as I am weary of my past stimulant abuse. However, I am weary of the side effects, cost (even generic brand), and the time it takes to build up in your system for non-stim options. These operate much like antidepressants, and those fucked me up big time when I tried them 10+ years ago.
I am somewhat open to trying stimulant options again, but I would want to be VERY fucking careful and establish a plan with him to mitigate the risk of abuse. I do know that I was able to abuse it before because I had up to 3 IR pills available to me per day, so they were easy to hoard. I am curious about extended release, where I could go with a low-dose, single pill per day approach. Something to discuss with him.
IDK. All I know is that it really was that huge of a difference when I was taking it as I was supposed to, pre-abuse. He knows about the past abuse, and I plan on having an open and honest discussion with him about my options and how we can do this safely. I will protect my sobriety at all costs and the moment I feel it’s potentially at risk, I will ask to try another route. If my apprehensions about non-stim options are addressed and eased, that will be my first choice. Wish me luck.
20 Likes
Beautiful, well done Frank!!!
1 Like
Thanks pal. It had just never dawned on me that adult ADHD could present in the ways she’s described. So much of what she informed me of and what I have since read about describes me, my life, and my thoughts/feelings exactly.
I have gained an awareness around my sobriety and how the addict part of my brain works. I know how/when to catch myself starting to scheme about “how can I take more than I’m supposed to” or “how can I get this RX done in a way that allows me to fuck around with it”. I am aware of and notice when those wheels start to turn, so I think that can help me have this discussion with him and be able to catch myself if I try to steer the talk in that direction. As I have thought about it, the extended release “plan” I described in my original post closes those loopholes that I used to exploit. I will ultimately leave it up to him though.
I am both nervous and hopeful.
2 Likes