come on girl stay strong and focused just for today. Its crazy times but what can we really do about it, certainly nothing drunk that’s for sure. Proud of you for doing how well your doing so let’s plod along, see what shit life can throw at us and just pray it doesn’t all stick. 
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Holding on and finding gratitude is a great approach. Drinking won’t put the pieces back together. You just won’t care. But there is a price for not caring. Our body, our relationships, our sanity.
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It’s my son’s 5th birthday tomorrow. We have a social distance grillout planned with all his grandparents. A little warmth and some sunshine would be nice but we’ll just make the bonfire bigger if not.
The last few months since my last relapse have been tough. I’m not winning any awards for father of the year. But things have improved in the last 6 or 8 weeks within my little family. My sponsor is in Al Anon and has helped me greatly with my emotional sobriety. I’m a sucker for drama and trying to control and manipulate others. Either to get things my way or to try to make sure others perceive me in the way I’d like to be seen. My son took the brunt of that since giving up all forms of self medicating. I’m trying to let go and to have trust every day. That desire to protect and shelter him comes from fear. Fear that he’ll turn out like me if he doesn’t walk the narrow path or that he’ll suffer the same pain and isolation I’ve felt. It also comes from selfishness. I don’t get to dictate the terms of our relationship all on my own. He’s a bright little human and he’s going to follow his own higher power guiding him. If I can help him build that relationship with his own higher power then I’ve done my best. No one can be urged or willed into a spiritual life. They’ve got to see the benefit of it for themselves and then make the decision.
My reach only goes so far and I’m not a force of nature. If I don’t let go and surrender to the things I can’t control I’ll be right back to my insanity. I’ll try my best to soak up every moment I have with that kid because lawd knows what tomorrow might bring.
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3 days without alcohol,had a funny afternoon feeling down with no energy,moody,think it’s called PMS …went for good long walk with a friend and had a fish and chip takeaway with moon cycle yogi tea…I felt better and so grateful of her being there for me…I could of reached out on this app but to be honest I don’t do good at that,and it’s NOT because I THINK I can do it by myself, because I am determined to find the strength to do a sober life by willingness to find a connection to a power greater than myself,I reached out to a higher power and thoughts of ‘im an alcoholic’ … accepted the PMS…quite tired… surrendering to rest! Grateful I am sober tonight and ‘sitting’ with my moody tired feelings 
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Today 500 days ago i had my last drink. At that time i would have been extremely proud to reach 5 days. The first 30 days had been really tough, but at around day 100 i had become a Non-drinker. I dont think that i would have made it without TS. This has been extremely helpful to realize that i am not alone. I always thought that having beers in the evening is the only thing that lets you survive the daily struggles with work and family. The opposite is the truth. Even as work is currently an absolute nightmare because of the additional stress and workload due to the corona pandemic i am happy to be sober each and every day. During this difficult time i even found my way back to my HP.
So anyone struggleing today i can assure you that this will pass and it will get better and easier.
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but your moody tired sober feelings. very well done
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brilliant, I find this so uplifting 
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Thanks man, hope you have a good weekend
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I’m glad you’re getting this figured out! I know first-hand how much of an impact it can be, trying to get by untreated. I see you being careful and honest and open and looking out for your health, and I hope you and your doctor find a safe effective solution, whatever that looks like.
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Day 5 second check in.Just wanted to say Thank you too the TS community 
helping me through these tough times
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Day 558. A decent day. And that, without morning coffee! Felt like journaling it out because more happens in a day than I realize, unless I take time to reflect.
- I was part of a really cool recovery meeting today where an indigenous person shared about their spirituality and culture, and how they play an important role in their recovery. I didn’t know if they would feel inclined to talk about it, but when I mentioned my interest they were happy to do so. I learned a lot.
- Attended a mental health group discussion after that, focused on the concept of connection.
- Put in my piano time for the day despite not really being motivated. Still have to drag myself up to another hour of violin though tonight.
- After that, I had a meeting for adjusting my mental health treatment program in which I both advocated for myself and what I needed and didn’t need, and also accepted a good degree of challenge going forward. Looking forward to “graduating” from the program soon, not sure when exactly, but we’re moving that direction.
- Excited about a workshop next week where I get to learn about conducting (perhaps only interesting to aspiring composers like me), and contemplating some online classes across diverse areas: machine learning, music business, and management for example.
- Maybe some hobby coding (computer programming) before bed.
- Dangit, didn’t get to composing today! Prioritizing that for tomorrow!
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Congrats on 8 months! (I know I’m late).
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You’re getting so close to that 365.
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i know this feeling. Congrats on 9 months!
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Today is day 51 without a drink. Before that i had 52 days and drank for one night which wasn’t worth it at all. It feels great to be back at 50+ days and I’m gonna keep working really hard not to throw it all away this time.
But I just need to vent here a minute… I had to go to a “meeting” at my boss’s house yesterday where there was alcohol involved. The last time I got together with them outside of work and I declined a drink, everyone went right to “what, are you pregnant or something?” 
Yesterday I declined a drink again and my boss said something like “So you’re really still not drinking Kristen? How are you ever gonna fit in with us?” And I said “I’ll do just fine.”
I know this kind of thing is likely to keep happening and I just have to prepare for people’s reactions. It’s crazy but it’s true- alcohol is the one drug you need to justify not taking.
But life is so much better on the sober side. So I’m going to keep trying
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Winding down yet another Day 1. It’s the witching hour, but yesterday’s hangover is still a good motivator to say no.
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Sounds like they are really putting the pressure on? The more times you decline the less likely they will be to ask. Think, does anyone else at your work not drink? If they do they likely don’t get hassled over it. Our alcoholic minds make mountains out of these mole hills. Maybe next time decline the gathering all together. It sounds like a “happy hour” more than a “meeting” especially if it’s outside of work.
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I was just thinking about you yesterday when I was catching up on here. Wondering how you’re doing. I’m not on here as much as I used to be. But I’m glad to see you here and thanks for the congrats! Hope you are well!!
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You’re 100% right. Felt more like a happy hour and nothing important got done. And yes the thing is there was another woman who did not drink, yet nothing said to her. I’m going to keep declining but as you said I may not attend another meeting outside of work after this.
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