I see you had a tough time and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Sis. I was so caught up in my own shit, I wasn’t paying attention to anyone else’s needs. I promise to be a better sister. 
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Hey, you have way too much on your plate right now. WAY too much. I wish I was better with words. Just know that I am rooting for you ever day 
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No lol mountain bike
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Just understood. Lol 
This made my evening now. Thanks Paul
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you’ll get used to my pathetic sense of humour but yep it was definitely a compliment. 
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https://images.app.goo.gl/yLz2Kbkom1Npge4t8
Ok i admit, the link above will reveal the truth
You see the hidden surgery of me 
But stil …
Can i sugest a treatment ?
How’ bout this one 
Sleep well lad
And all you others in this time zone aswell
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OK for someone who faints at the sight of blood should I tap on the link???
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OK I was brave and pressed it, very funny 
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Thank you and woop on the double digits… awesome 
That’s quite True Rad, and here it’s been the best start to a new working week for a long time as well… 
focussing on just one day at a time …
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I’m glad you have a couple of days of distance @Lisa07. I hope you get it all sorted out and you and your daughter have a nice couple of days.
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Day 10. Looking into IPO. I was going to do it last time around but world closed down and so did the sessions. They are offering some online and I think they will definitely be beneficial. I have to try something different. Last two big attempts ended in exquisite failure. Can’t do it again.
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I’m not sure what that looks like but it made me chuckle, I kinda imagine you going out in a blaze of glory 
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It was more like a burning shitshow but I’m sure it had its poetic moments.
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Checking in. I dont know what day I am at because I lost my phone. That was the beginning of my series of bad luck that has brought me into a deep dark depression. Now I am thinking of drinking. My mindset is that I am already sad, why not make it worse. Why not completely head down that dark rabbit hole and say F it allll. I think I am at 60+ days without alcohol. Ive been abusing klonopin the last 15 days. Austins Aunt gave me like 20 of them for free. It was nothing at first, I was doing good! I ran 17 miles in one week while taking it. Then I hit a wall. My daughter stepped on Nemo today and hes dead. It was really traumatic. Brought back so much trauma from my past. I blame the klonopin for everything bad. Plus today is a holiday. My mother in law started drinking again a few weeks ago. That really affects me being in a house with an alcoholic. Its crazy how happy I was on my last post, I must be bipolar. I hope I dont drink today.
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I know exactly how you feel @Clarity. I’ve been having a hard time lately. Drinking is not going to help our situation. Sure, it may make us forget our problems just for today but we’ll still have to face them tomorrow and doing it with a hangover is much worse. Please don’t pick up. It’s not worth it. You’ve got over 2 months and you should be proud of yourself. That’s a really nice accomplishment. Hang in there!! Sending you hugs. 
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@CapriciousCapricorn When you say ‘think about drinking’ is it just thinking, or an actual craving to drink? Sometimes people say ‘think’ and mean different things. It is impossible not to ‘just think’ about alcohol in this society, endless mentions on social meetings, in the supermarket, on TV etc. I think you have to just accept those thoughts will pop into your brain and just let them go away. If it is a real craving then time to get those tools out. What is the intense flavor thing? You suck on a lemon or something to take your mind off the craving?
@Clarity Hang on in there. I don’t know what klonopin is, but taking anything not prescribed and in a way not written on the packet is flirting with getting yourself into more trouble (sorry, you know that already). Do you usually go to meetings or something? Can you go online? I really understand that mindset of ‘why not make it worse’ but if you make it worse, so many things get shittier and shittier. Put those brakes on now.
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@Lisa07 @Misokatsu Thanks you guys for your quick responses. I appreciate you all. Its not about how many times you fall down but how many times you pick yourself back up. I might just do a long walk tonight to get my mind off of the alcohol. You are right Lisa hangovers only make it WORSE. On a whooolllle nother level!~
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But thinking does not equal doing. You can have the thoughts. Let them come and let them go. A walk sounds like a solid idea. Anything to keep from picking up. It’ll only make things worse!! Stay the course and fight for your sobriety. Your daughter will be glad you did.
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