I woke up in a great mood… which lasted 2.5 seconds. I looked out the window and realized our new pool had blown over and broke. I had a text today from someone saying congrats on 120 days because they said “technically” my 4 months was yesterday because it was 120 and I was all “noooo its 121 because stoopid february and its extra day(I think…) and I count months on the first of every month” Why is this even a big deal?! It’s not! My mind is losin’ its shit over absolutely nothing! Stupid little nothings are getting under my skin. Having a fight in my head about counting days:roll_eyes:. I have no patience for people (or anything) today… I need to meditate or scream or find a punching bag or somethin… I need a friggen hobby… Petty ass crazy damn woman…
This makes me feel better. Its just so hard to explain how days (and them actually being right) means so much to me… Technically my year is 366 days because I quit Feb1st. So if we go by his standards my one year lands on a completely different day and month than the day I actually quit! I just feel I’m being petty. Normally I’d just let it go and move past it but today ima grump!
This is the plan. I can’t make it an impulsive thing. I keep saying it, but when things open back up from the pandemic (whenever that will be…) I think it will be much easier to get a sense of what my “new life” looks like and what it can be. Right now everything is more or less “on pause”, so it’s hard to know.
I’ve written on here before about maybe getting into the nutrition field, which is a passion of mine. Another idea I play with is to get my teaching degree, in some area which is a passion - probably history, which I was always good at in school despite never studying and not taking school very seriously. History I just…remembered, just because of my interest in it alone. The only issue there is teachers are disgustingly underpaid. Lastly, I love animals. Hell, I like animals better than people. I always thought it would be great to work at an aquarium. Would likely require starting college all over again to get a marine biology degree or something, never looked into it. Just spitballing here.
I don’t know. I do have time, though. That’s a good thing. Additionally, I still am trying to figure out if I want to stay in MA, or use the next year or so to save up and move somewhere totally new. No point in getting a new job here if I’m just going to axe it within the year. Better to keep the sure thing and ride it out until the move, if that’s the route I go.
And this is the crux of things. I flat out need to be better at handling change, as well as adversity. Granted everything is kind of magnified right now while I try to get my bearings.
The more you face it and work through it, the better you become at managing it. The fact you are doing it sober proves you are getting better at it. Kaizen.
If I may suggest, perhaps consider volunteering with a private dog rescue. I did this (pre-kid), volunteering with a private rescue that specialized in Nordic breeds, mostly Huskies and the occasional Malamute. I started helping out at adoption events, then also doing home checks, and fundraising. Even ran the organization for 6 months when the President had to take a LoA.
The reason I suggest this is it’s something you can do that requires minimal investment of time, puts you in proximity to like minded people, and should you decide later to pursue something else, easy to disengage from. I can say placing dogs in forever homes feels great!
Over 10 months of sobriety, odaat, you’re doing beautifully. Life is so much better sober, isn’t it? Keep on doing what you’re doing.
Blessings and sobriety!
Coffee. Back to work today. Damn I don’t feel like it. My back isn’t back to 100%. And problems and conflicts await me there. But will make do. Sober and clean. One day at a time. Have a good day all. Love from Amsterdam where I’m happy I did go to the reopened Rijksmuseum yesterday. Never had a chance before to really look at the four Vermeer paintings they have there. Small but extremely beautiful IMO. Normally there’s a throng close to that surrounding the Mona Lisa in Paris but now it was very quiet. Stayed with them for quiet a while. Moved me. With all the turmoil and violence and ugliness in the world it’s important for me to remember the beauty too or I won’t make it. This my favourite one.
Day 173!! Today was actually really good, a big improvement. I started exceriscing again for the first time in a while, and I honestly think it started helping my mood. Work was good today as well. All around looking forward to tomorrow
Spent this morning messing about on the internet when I should be working. Usually messing about watching Youtube would be done with a drink in hand. But today it didn’t even occur to me. Always good to feel another shackle has been broken, and I can enjoy another thing sans booze.
Just returning home from an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. The miracles of the program never seems to cease.
Starting this Wednesday the Alcoholics Anonymous weekly men’s meeting that I secretary will be meeting in person once again. So grateful the gentleman want me to continue to be the secretary. Helps me be accountable and stay right sized. Gratefully humble…
I need to meditate or scream or find a punching bag or somethin… I need a friggen hobby… Petty ass crazy damn woman…
THANK YOU!
🙋