Day 1. Pretty messed up right now. I don’t understand how a person can literally have no love for one’s self. I’m literally killing myself with alcohol and cigarettes.
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Day 1 for me too. And not my first day 1. Let’s do this together…
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Ugh. . . So frustrated with my job today & I realize that I need to stop trying to control everything and everyone around me. I can only control me! (This is what I need to remind myself)
That is all. 
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Hi @CapriciousCapricorn,
Do you have the CODA book? I found it very helpful. My ex wife found it extremely helpful. After she read it, she left me. Lol 
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I’m in, @M-be-free49. I’m doing pretty poorly with withdrawal right now. I think I’m going to lose my job. Anyway, I appreciate being in this together with you.
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I am sorry you are feeling so down. I know how hard it is to have any self esteem when you keep letting yourself down…it is debilitating to our mental health. A vicious cycle of shame, regret and self loathing. Yet here you are still back at sobriety, still here showing up, working to make your life better. 
It may feel insurmountable, but take it day by day and know that you can heal and find peace of mind and pride again. Please don’t give up. It can be done
…it took me a very long time too.
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Day 4.6 without alcohol… 13 days without benzos, almost 6 months without amphetamines? 75days without Ketamine…I think like 11 months without nicotine? The list goes on and on…
Anyway… feeling good today. 
My daughter and I are going to see my mom for 6 weeks! Leaving the 22nd. She lives on a farm in SC so my daughter is going to be in heaven! That will be 6 weeks of sobriety in the bag. Also a week at the beach in NC is planned in there somewhere. OMG we havent left the house in 3 months. I am really excited. Took my 2 year old to the store today and she wore a mask like a champ, just nervous about a 4 hour flight.
@Apes2020 I think it could be hormones, mine have been so out of wack since getting sober. It will all even out. Also I started Atomic Habits, I am really loving it! I think you recommended it? So thank you! 
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@BobIsGone Glad to see you checking in! Hang in there!! The benzo withdrawal is no joke. But I would like to report after 13 days, my headaches and moodswings are gone and I feel good enough to attempt a run right now! So it gets better!!
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Thank you, Sassy! I just finished reading the thread sharing stories of those with a year or more. Very thoughtful of you. I appreciate your kind words and understanding, because I do absolutely feel like poo right now on many levels.
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I am rooting for you. I understand the whole “white nuckle” thing. I am the same way. Ive been codependent my whole life. People are the hardest things for me to quit. I still think about my ex from 7 years ago every single day. I need therapy. Lol. “Love” is a powerful drug. Or whatever that shit is. I dont think its love anymore. What do you think it is?
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@CapriciousCapricorn Wow, that is so brave! I happy u have removed urself from someone who doesn’t respect ur boundaries.
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Haven’t posted for awhile. Honestly been so busy since we got back to work. 9 more days til 100!!
Have a great week everyone!
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wow wow wow!!!
Congratulations x 888.88
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Also, thats why I wanted to get hypnotized … you are taking a great first step by starting a counter! 
Glad to see you here. Keep fighting for your sobriety. Just take it one day at a time. Please believe that you are worth fighting for!!
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Yes! Get one! It can’t hurt.
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Thank you 
Day 582. Feeling exhausted, like I’m just keeping my head above water. My mental state has been making it difficult for me to use my coping tools, too. I hope getting a better sleep tonight will help things tomorrow.
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