Big hugs @anon60334405, it does hit all of us sometimes. Why the hell does it have to be so much work to be sober? Why can’t we be like everyone else? It makes you want to scream with unfairness or just drown sorrows. But, if you don’t do the work to be sober, we all know the shitstorm that brings. The damage and the heartache and the guilt is worse than the work. And who knows what the ‘everyone else’ is feeling? Maybe (probably) they are struggling too. All you (and everyone) can do it keep moving forward, it may feel like trudging sometimes, but one sober foot in front of the other.
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@Dolse71, @anon89207786, @Misokatsu thanks guys. I definitely feel better today, just what I was feeling last night, I know it’s my mind, I know it’s just one of my moments. Just tired of going in and out of them, I start feeling so comfortable and then boom it’s back down. I seriously am so exhausted feeling and I’m not even really doing anything half ass crazy as before. But I know it will pass
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Checking in at 33.29 days. My stbx called me last night and we talked for 2.5 hours. I’m so torn with this divorce. I mean we are going through with it, but will be spending more time together. I don’t know. I miss him sooooooo much, and I love him. I’m not saying the abuse was my fault, but getting my stuff under control would have helped a lot. We literally would have to move away if we got back together. My family and friends would flip shit.
Still feeling meh and a bit under the weather, but feeling strong in my sobriety.
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why does it need to pass, I’ve watched you throw yourself into your sobriety with a passion rarely witnessed, 110% all in and it’s payed off and got you where you are today. Don’t you think your allowed a rest at last. You ain’t gotta be a Saint, only sober.
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@M-be-free49 thank you!!! So much! 
I am in day 4 today . Very slow, I realize how I have to work in my inner life. Addiction pushed me to live outside of my inner core
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I was going to write my “I-know-this-is-temporary” disclaimer but I decided against it. I appreciate your vigilance. 
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I’m calling BULLSHIT on that. Sorry Beth but being an alcoholic was pain enough for one person and did not justify any of his actions.
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Well… more so my crazy with the BPD. It wasn’t cute, but I do realize how silly I sound. Definitely going to discuss in therapy on Friday 
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For sure everyone’s experience is different. I have more negative than positive memories about my own childhood, even though I was well looked after.
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Day 51!!! We are really doing this thing people!!! My girl sent me a video yesterday of me struggling to breathe and tweaking back and forth. I didn’t recognize that person but I acknowledged how sick and lost I was I don’t want to go back there so I keep hiking this mountain. Love u all. Keep going!!!
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Dude breathe in and out and keep going . U have helped me so much more than u kno man as well as others. . Take all that shit it’s throwing and remember where u came from !!!
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Dude, probably the best post/reply I’ve seen on here in a looooong time!
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I agree that is something most of us have access to as children - what I’m saying is there’s no reason we can’t carry that into adulthood.
For me, being able to operate one moment at a time means taking the pressure off of everything apart from the basics. The more I think about all the things I could, or should, or event want to be doing, the more I experience conflicting emotions.
I am grateful to have food and shelter - so really I can let all the other stuff go. There is no reason for me to have conflicting emotions. Sometimes I am much less able to access this perspective, but when I have it, everything feels lighter!
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For real you’re absolutely right. And the funny thing is all these thoughts popped in after doing a mindful meditation. It’s funny how you can be working something like the mindfulness and then still forget that I need to accept these thoughts, learn from them and work on them rather then push them away. Thank you very much
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Oh heck it did, for a fact i played against him in the junior league when i was about 9 years. He played for Bedum and i can tell jou he allready was really quick back then.
I took a few rest days after walking all over myself last week but now im started to get settled again up north. Medicly its not all good and have to get more and new treatments but i served myself a new 65inch tv on the wall as a present met 
it does help…
Btw Menno… lets hope he doesnt get kicked the first match he playes and gets cripple 
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Checking in. Tomorrow is Canada day. A typical day for drinking here (of course…As pretty much any holiday is). I’m off work for the day. Hubby will be working. He had option to have it off but I encouraged him working as he’d be home having drinks all day I’m sure. So he’ll take another day off in lieu and he’s content to do so. I might do a little picnic for me and my little guy. Who’s five recently (how did that happen?). So I might hit up dollar store after his bed tonight and get some Canada day accessories/hats/flags for us to have our little red & white party picnic; just the two of us. Over emotional lately as anniversary of mum’s death is quickly approaching. One day at a time 
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I really like what @Fargesia_murielae said about mindfulness. Meditation can be “use” to feel better. But at first meditation is a “skill” in itself, a “competence” or an ability to see clearer, to find a safe space into this crazy world we live in and all the expectation it have from us.
It is interesting tho that these feelings were on you right after your meditation. What do you think it means? When you created that space of meditation, right after, you go to your exhaustion, your fatigue, sore muscles, hurting, demotivation, loneliness, then fuck sobriety… Thoughts can go fast and so their associations… How much “fuck sobriety” can relate to your first meditation-induced thought (if we can call it like it) of fatigue, soreness, etc.? I’d dare say that the sobriety might not be what’s causing the fatigue and stuff, but that the thought association to drinking as a solution to fatigue might still be well anchored into you (like most of us).
Tho your first thought after your meditation, therefore when you go back to you and your body, might be telling your something. I can relate a lot to what you say, and I maybe am talking to myself when I say this to you, but maybe you’ve reached a point where you need or wants to add a new string to your bow. What do you do when your body is exhausted? or when the rain make you stay in? or any reason why bike hike run aren’t possible? or when you hurt? Basically when you struggle and can’t use those bowstrings you’ve set to get where you’re at today? This is the moment when, myself, usually I go down back to drinking, because I don’t take the time to reflect on myself and ask myself what do I need and plan in consequences. Fuck sobriety is my lazy answer to a situation in which I have an opportunity to grow - which is finding my real need as a human being.
Like I said, maybe I am talking to myself though you, but I think those feelings aren’t to be put away. To put them away would be to do like drinking, the ultimate feeling avoidance. But to reflect on your needs about those sound interesting.
Amazing job on almost 148 days btw, but even more on your introspection and reflection.
P.S.: When I am too sore I like to keep moving some days without running myself out. Day 14 of my running streak with some really easy day, like recovery-run days, with only 1 mile of run, is enough to keep my head calm and gives me the little endorphine kick I need to go through my day.
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Day 4.
Going for a bike ride this morning,Then in the process of moving.Trying to keep busy and stay positive!’Hope everyone has a good day 
@anon60334405 thanks for your honesty!! I need to hear it👊🏻
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…and then your response made me drift into this amusing premise, like what I was saying was the start of an infomercial:
Billy Mays Voice
“DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN LIFE DIDN’T SUCK? WHEN YOUR BONES DIDN’T HURT FROM THE MOMENT YOU WAKE UP? WELL NOW THERE’S OXI-CLEAN° – SIMPLY APPLY TO THE BRAIN TWICE A DAY, AND FORGET ABOUT ALL THE DREAMS AND OPTIMISM YOU HAD AS A CHILD! GIVE IN TO YOUR CYNICISM WITH OXI-CLEAN”
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@BobIsGone. I was sad and depressed for the first couple of weeks of getting sober. Someone on the app responded to my post by telling me the sadness was missing your friend chardonnay (my DOC). This really resonated with me.
After that thinks got better and every day I felt happier.
Good luck and hang in there. You’ve got this.
Hugs
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