I know mate.
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- Coffee. My weekend. Chores time. Itās rainy anyway so thatās fine. I managed to be in bed for 9 hours which is a feat for me and sleep for the better part of those. I think clearing and cleaning a bit today will be a good achievement. Sober and clean. Have a good day all friends. Love from my balcony.
@Lisa07 Yay you Lisa! Great stuff lady.
@Apes2020 I guess they are. Theyāre fallow deer, called damhert (checkerās deer) in Dutch.
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Day 54
Another cold and gray day, I havenāt gotten out of bed yet, but Iām on my way.
Shared parts of my story in a thread here yesterday, no details but enough to make me feel sick writing it.
I got a lot of wonderful responses, and I just want to thank everyone for being here and being the amazing people yāall are. I truly appreciate it, I love being a part of this community 
However I shouldāve known that it was going to give me nightmares. It happened last time I tried to share it and ended up deleting because I didnāt want to be personal in here. Or even think about it.
I have had some of the nightmares before, but I chased them away by doing drugs or drinking. Canāt do that now, and honestly I slept like shit because of it.
I know those scenes very well, I know whatās going to happen when it happens but I still canāt wake myself up, the physical pain stays even after Iām awake. And the cravings goes and is really bad.
I know enough about dream interpretation and psychology to be aware of whatās going on but it doesnāt take away the urge to feel normal, and forget all about it with something I know can take it away.
Iām not going to do it, but Iām also painfully aware about the fact that itās going to affect my day more then I want it to.
Wishing everyone a wonderful day, staying strong and keep fighting. 
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Nice one Lisa! 300 days is the important thing here.
My wife has started drinking on a regular basis again. Every weekend. Then when she has drunk the bottle gets all passive aggressive. As always.
My girls are old enough to see it for what it is. I almost see the eye roll from the 14 year old.
Guess we all have our crosses even when we donāt want them.
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Hanna? Are you sure itās not more than 624?
Youāre quite away ahead of me and Iām 624 today.
I think you may be 724 my lady! 
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My bf goes through phases of drinking more and he is SUCH a drag. I try not to get worked up about it but heās just a real pain in the arse after heās had a couple too many 
@Lisa07 I wonder if him trying to hide his drinking is playing a role in his bad attitude? I donāt know the history so I may be way off base here, but if he was more up front about when he wants to drink, then would it make it easier for you to prepare for the passive aggression that comes with it and/ or avoid the situation and do something fun with your daughter instead?
Big congratulations on 300 days, sorry to hear it feels overshadowed by the rest of that stuff. Sounds like you are getting to a real solid place in your sobriety to be able to accept the situation youāre faced with
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What theā¦ Itās 647. Thanks man @anon12657779
I obviously am not on planet earth todayā¦
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One year two weeks sober. I feel like Iām at breaking point. Believe me I donāt plan to give up but I feel alone tired angry a lot of the timeā¦ just a mix of emotions and itās not a whole lot of fun. Poor meās.
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Your humble servant my lady!
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Hang in there bud, I just came through the same thing this week.
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Duncan, I missed your year it seems. Congratulations bud.
I felt really weird around the year milestone. More so than any of the others.
From what I can gather so did a lot of other people.
Stay strong mate!
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Yeah, the only thing I fear is if she decided to kick off, which she hasnāt done for a while now.
I managed to walk away last time. Instead of letting it develop into a blazing row.
We know what happened last time that happened.
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49.24 days. Working half a day to spend the other half with my birthday girl. My oldest turned 24 on the 13th. My little one has really come around too. My heart is so full, I donāt deserve their grace. #grateful
@Lisa07 Congrats on 300 Days!!! 
Iām so sorry the hubs is still being a shit. Just keep the focus on you. I learned that the hard way in sobriety a few years ago trying to help my BIL who relapsed after 12 years of sobriety. I lost myself and ended up relapsing myself. Maybe alanon?
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@MrsOdh Itās only logical weāre having a hard time with the past right now I think. We hid from it for so long. Now we bring it out in the open and are forcing ourselves to process it, think about it, discuss it, in a way relive it. Itās a painful process.Itās hard work. But youāre doing it! Sober and clean Sophia. Itās the only way to move forward. Itās also only logical you crave. You want to get back in your safe mode, in hiding and burying it all. Itās time to face it though, I think and believe. You are strong enough for it. I feel. Keep going lady. Youāre not alone. We got your back. Hugs.
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Thank you, Iām working on keeping busy today. I just replanted some indoor flowers and now Iām taking the kids to a playground 
How are you today?
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Thank you, I now youāre right. And I know you are in somewhat I likewise phase, as me right now.
Weāre all here for you as too.
Itās hard, itās ugly and Iām not sure Iāll make it, but Iām sure gonna try,thereās no other way than forward from here
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Ah, once again I totally forgot about the time difference. I hope you get good results back and wishing you a good night of sleep. May your pillow be nice and fluffy and your blanket warm an cozy.
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Day 5 
went out for 3 year anniversary meal with my fiance on Tuesday and ordered a tasty mocktail. Been doing lots of exercise and feel productive at work. Friends birthday BBQ at the weekend which will be a challenge though, but iām making myself drive!
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You canāt control everything going on around you but your certainly doing your part to keep your side of the street clean, proud of you Lisa and its been an honour to share your journey. @Lisa07.
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Day 164. So I had a lil crying spell last nightš, my tennis elbow just wonāt go away, Iāve been using a foam roller for my shoulders, triceps, biceps because I have a tight muscle or tendon somewhere that is causing the tennis elbow. Iām fixing my rounded shoulders and doing rotator cuff exercises and taken the last 6 days off from lifting and its all I know right now is lifting and and riding my bike but it all hurts because of my elbow. On top of that I keep losing weight and not really gaining any muslce even tho Iām taking in all the protein I need to. Itās very frustrating and Iām trying to learn from this and keep pushing myself. Idk what else to do to keep me busy, I hate drawing, hate reading, hate watching TV. I cleaned my room really good the other day. Idk Iām just kind of lost about what to do
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